Is it wrong to give my baby my MIL name and not my own mum?

[megadreamer8]

Hi. I'm considering names for my future babies (planning to start trying soon, if all is well!) and if they are a girl I like the name Melody. I'd like a one syllable name as their middle name as I think that would sound better. My partner doesn't understand the need for a middle name as he doesn't have one but I do and I'd like to add one for them.

His mum is called Jane. So it would be Melody Jane. I love "MJ" as a potential Nickname too as I am a Spiderman fan.
My mum's name is Vicky (not Victoria, just vicky) and I don't think it goes as well. Other close family members names are Joan, Lillian and Jasmine.
I just think one syllable would be better.

I'm closer to my mum so she might feel a bit left out. Hmm!

I wanted to use my mum's name for one of my kids as a middle name but I didn't want to use MIL's, so I didn't use mum's either sadly.

What about Melody Jane Anna? Though I think Melody Anna Jane flows a little better but then you wouldn't have MJ?

I do think your mum might feel a little sidelined.

Yeah. It's hard isn't it cause obviously you want to choose a name you like too. And if you don't like a family members name then you don't want to include it. My partner was close to his granddad but we don't really like the name so... It's got to be balance between what you want for your own child and having meaning. I think anyway.
I wouldn't want to leave my mum out. But I do think melody jane is stronger as it is though. But maybe melody jane victoria + surname will be it, just a long mouthful.

I think your mum might be a bit offended. My son is named after my dad who passed away when I was a kid so when my daughter was born we chose mils middle name as her middle name so we had a name from each side of the family. My mum was fine with it but I think had I not had my son first and just picked my mils name for my daughter, she would probably have been offended and just not said anything.

she was in a similar predicament with me and gave me 2 middle names so as not to offend anyone and I have always hated it. I’ve changed my name now I’m an adult.

I like Melody Jane but maybe there’s another family link you can use that’s one syllable? is there some part of your name you could pass down?

I also like:
Melody June (great if you did have her in June)
Melody Joanne (has all the letters of Jane and Ann in Joanne)
Melody Jasmine

Why not go for a non family name so no one offended?

Melody Jade
Melody June
Melody juniper
Melody jett
Melody joy

I do think melody jasmine is good also but I know that's family.

This is so helpful, thanks :)

Great recommendations, tbh my name is one syllable but doesn't start with a J and I've become set on them being MJ. Haha. I'm a bit obsessive when I make my mind up 😂 also I feel like it could be seen as a bit narcasstic to use my own name 😆😆 especially because the reason I have chosen melody is that I am a singer, songwriter... :")

Jasmine is a name I love and tbh its a bit of a tricky one regarding that name. My sibling was called it but they have said they identify as a boy now so changed their name by deedpoll. I told them "well great I can use Jasmine for my child instead then!" And they didn't seem to care so maybe it would be acceptable for me to use it as I love it.
However it is two syllables 🤣

Melody Jane or Melody Jasmine?!

All that this thread demonstrates to me, is that mothers genuinely think that their mother is the primary grandmother.

We decided not to name our babies s after any family members (for a different reason). But this thread confirms to me that we made the right decision.

Totally agree. I'm quite surprised by all this!!

As a mother of two adult DDs I would feel a tad miffed if they used mil name. I’d get over it but I’d feel a bit miffed. Better to not use either or use both.

And would you think that the MIL had the right to feel miffed if the child was named after you? Because you specifically mentioned that you have daughters, as if that gives you the right to be prioritised.

Melody Jane Ann is lovely.
Matthew or Michael with James, John or Jacob?

Tbh this post wasn't made to slander in laws. Infact if I thought lesser of my partners family why would I even consider my MIL name as a middle name for our child? It wasn't my partner's idea, it is mine.

Obviously it's pretty natural for a person to be closer to their own parents than with their partners parents, as they raised me. But I would not treat my partner's family any different regarding our children, they would be both of their grandparents.

And if vicky went better with Melody, I'd feel badly towards my MIL too. So please don't put words in my mouth.

My daughter is Maisy Jae with an e. Never thought of MJ though actually

A great way to get in your MiL good books. Melody Jane sounds lovely. Maybe you'll have a second DC and name them after your Mum.

Aww cute 😊 and yeah, I love the MJ Nickname as I just picture the pretty Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman 🥰🥰🤣

Maybe you could spell it Jayne so it’s not the exact same as mil?

I quite like a long middle name too like Melody Jennifer. I’m not sure on the Jasmine now you’ve said about your sibling.

Yeah it is a bit difficult and I've always loved the name Jasmine, it's one of my favourites. I remember liking it as a teenager when I met a Jasmine at school, before my mum named my sibling it. But obviously now it has this sort of "hush hush" kind of attached to it because of the name change, although when I mentioned to them about using it they didn't seem bothered. But then again they are a child so maybe they'd feel differently in the future about me naming my child it. It might bother them more in the future so I have to consider that.

I think Jasmine is a prettier name than Jane but Melody Jane flows better perhaps?

I agree. Both of your mums will be the child's grandparent, and Jane sounds far better for a middle name. If your mum is offended that's her problem.

I said the thread, not the OP. Lots of people have said that their mum (or that they, if they're grandparents) would be miffed if the MIL's name was used. I wasn't referring to you.

@nothingsforgotten I agree that it does sound better. My partner is absolutely not bothered either way, he's so chill about names and all that. He doesn't look into it like me haha. He said as long as he likes it then whatever, he wouldn't even have a middle name if left to him. He also said maybe wait until they're born and see what they look like. I agree with him, but it's nice to at least prepare a few names to have a choice and if we randomly come up with something in the moment then so be it 🥰

Ah okay, sorry for taking it that way. I didn't want this post to come across as a mother verse mother in law discussion, just more "how to not leave one of them out" 😅

I have both my Grandmother's names as my middle names - so I’d find it slightly weird to have one and not the other, like you were favouring one side of the family. Unless your surname rhymes with Vicky, I think Melody Jane Vicky Surname is fine - she’s not going to be reeling off the whole name to everyone on a daily basis.

Or skip the whole honouring people thing and go for trendy Jay if that’s what your hearts calling. Or go for a classic, romantic, elegant J name that happens to pair well with Melody like Juliet or Julia or Jessamine.

Though tbh I think worrying about middle name/s is a bit daft ( unless the initials spell something rude) - they are hardly used in reality. I’d be more concerned about Melody, it’s pretty but the nn Mel is so 80’s to me 🤣

Thank you for your input. I am now debating between Melody Jane or Melody Ann or Melody Jane Ann haha (as ANN is my mum's middle name and is one syllable at least).

Regarding Mel, I feel like that's more for Melanie. But of course it is a nn for Melody but I think that's why I'd try and encourage MJ or Dee or even Millie, I definitely will try and avoid Mel. Although it's a fine enough Nickname.

I wouldn't go for either of their names to avoid arguments. Jane as a middle name is very 90s (I was born in the late 90s). I think nicknames MJ, SJ etc are quite outdated.

Does your MIL have a middle name? If so it could be Melody Ann (and then MIL's middle name). I know my mum would've been hurt if I named my DD after my MIL (I didn't name her after either of them).

@saraclara I didn’t mention the mil being miffed. I said better to use both names or none. Don’t project your issues on to me.