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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Regret not putting maiden name is middle name

64 replies

PinkPomelo · 01/04/2024 08:06

Hi.. I've never posted here before but need support. I didn't put my maiden name as a middle name for my daughter because it is a clear surname and I didn't want there to be confusion about her surname, especially as I plan to keep it in as my surname with my husbands (no hyphen). We've just got her passport and it's become so clear to my I wish I had 😭. I still think it would have been a bit annoying for her growing up but I feel sad I'm not in there. I'm really struggling to change my name to my husbands, but I feel like I have to now to be the same as my daughter. I think I could have just put my name as a middle and not changed my name and felt OK about it.

5 months pp and really over thinking it all. I could change it but she has an irish and a uk passport and it feels like a huge deal to do now.

Kind comments only please.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PoppingTomorrow · 01/04/2024 08:08

it feels like a huge deal to do now.

Much less of a deal than in 5 years

MidnightPatrol · 01/04/2024 08:10

Then change it!

CloudsUnderwater · 01/04/2024 08:10

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Original poster

PinkPomelo · 01/04/2024 08:12

I do think I'm still hormonal. But it's because I'm the last of a line and name will die out when I change it. It would have been nice to keep it somewhere. My husband wasn't that keen so I didn't bother, her name has a lovely ring to it as it is.

OP posts:

CloudsUnderwater · 01/04/2024 08:17

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

urbanbuddha · 01/04/2024 08:28

I don’t think you are being hormonal. Just change it. It would be a shame to let the name die out completely.

In this country you can easily change the name on their birth certificate within 12 months from the time the birth was registered. Just go along to your local Register Office with her birth certificate. There’s a fee for the certificate to be amended.

I don’t know how you change the Irish birth certificate but it won’t be complicated.

CremeEggOverload · 01/04/2024 08:31

My cousin did this. When she divorced the dad it worked out very well indeed

LiterallyOnFire · 01/04/2024 08:34

You can easily change it in the first year. Do it. Your contribution should be recorded.

Anameisaname · 01/04/2024 08:36

I wish I'd done it to be honest. I also have a very surname surname! But wish I'd done it still. Now too late as kids are much older

EATmum · 01/04/2024 08:37

It's not being hormonal to want your identity to be part of your child's name. My DDs all have my birth name as an extra middle name. It's important to me, and important to them too. Change it, if that is something meaningful to you.

Elmeux · 01/04/2024 08:38

I gave my DD my surname as a second middle name for the same reasons you want to. I love my surname and very early into our relationship said I'd always keep it because, you know, it's my name. It took a bit of explaining to both families, even mine who don't quite understand why I won't change it. 2 and a bit years later I have zero regrets. As others have said, change it now while it's easy rather than having to do it via deed poll.

User6761 · 01/04/2024 08:39

If it's important to you then change it. Yes it's a hassle but better and easier to do it now than later. I'm Scottish and traditionally I think it is common here for many people to have a mother's maiden name as their middle name - I don't but I have several friends who do. The middle names are often obvious surnames e.g. something like Nicola MacNeill Ferguson. I like it. Alternatively give your child the same surname as yourself (both names).

CurlewKate · 01/04/2024 08:41

@CloudsUnderwater "Also why are you “struggling” to change your name to your husband’s? You want to be a family, don’t you? You’re married, so it should be the same anyway."

I've very rarely read such bollocks.

PinkPink1 · 01/04/2024 08:42

We hyphenated our baby's surname (mine as the second part). It depends on how your surnames sound together and whether they're too long.

villamariavintrapp · 01/04/2024 08:43

Just change it, I think it's nice to have both names. Ignore @CloudsUnderwater 's silly post, it's not 'ridiculous' for a child to have both parents' names, and women don't have to change their names when they get married, that's a weird outdated opinion, so there's no 'should' about it.

skybluekitty · 01/04/2024 08:47

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

What a weird post. I don't have the same surname as my children or my husband, are we not a family?

OP just change it. If it's something that will niggle at you, just do it. Nobody else will care or notice but it matters to you. It might also be useful if you split up down the line, sad but true.

567839Y · 01/04/2024 08:49

CurlewKate · 01/04/2024 08:41

@CloudsUnderwater "Also why are you “struggling” to change your name to your husband’s? You want to be a family, don’t you? You’re married, so it should be the same anyway."

I've very rarely read such bollocks.

‘I’ve rarely read such bollocks’

That’s exactly what I thought 😂

NearlyBritishSummertimeYay · 01/04/2024 08:49

Why wasn't your husband that keen on having your name in the mix? You could have just had your surname.

How has he been since you've had DD?

Maybe you'd benefit from a visit to your GP to check for PND? It often shows up through name regret.

Double surnames are a bit of a hassle, but it does partly depend on whether it's smith Jones or wrigglesbottom Montgomery.

having just thought about it, I only have one nephew with my family surname, he's currently only 15, if he changes his surname or doesn't have kids (or kids that change their surname) our family name will die with him. It's a bit sad, but not at all unusual.

IF you can't get past this, now is the time to change it, yeah you have the hassle & expense if changing her passports, but that's all. In future it'll be passports plus a whole load of random stuff.

but first a GP visit to check for PND.

skybluekitty · 01/04/2024 08:50

Also, keep your own name. I never wanted to change mine at marriage and our three children have his name (not because it's tradition - I'm estranged from my family and I didn't want my children to be searchable using that surname) and it's never ever been an issue. People like the PP like to pretend you're not a proper family or something but that's a load of rubbish.

Katkins17 · 01/04/2024 08:55

Nothing wrong with how you feel at all.

I think it's an outdated concept to 'have' to change your name to your husband's... or indeed that your child should have the father's name.
And regardless of whether your maiden name was your 'dads' name ... it was still yours.

I didn't change my name and our son has a double barrelled surname so we're both in there.

My hubby's relative don't /wont get it and refuse to put both our names for our son... but that's a them problem. Where it matters our son has both our names.

Do what feels right for you ... it's not law and you'll still be family regardless of a name.

Original poster

PinkPomelo · 01/04/2024 09:00

Could I update her birth certificate and not the passports? We just had a nightmare getting her passports in time for holidays ended up getting her Irish and UK and now I'd have to change them both.

Hubby was OK with me putting in but thought it sounded better without. I didn't push it. It's bugged me since but thought I'd grow out of it.

I do think I may have a bit pnd and speaking to someone soon about that.

I worry that if my dad ever passes I'll be hit with huge regret not doing it. I also worry if anything happened to my husband or we split. Not sure if this is genuine or pp anxiety.

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkPomelo · 01/04/2024 09:03

Or we are getting her christened Catholic, could I put it in then and so it's represented but not used every day?

OP posts:

LiterallyOnFire · 01/04/2024 09:06

PinkPomelo · 01/04/2024 09:03

Or we are getting her christened Catholic, could I put it in then and so it's represented but not used every day?

That's not a legal change. If you just want some symbolism, I suppose so. Seems a bit pointless but if it is significant to you....

summersundays · 01/04/2024 09:06

We'll be doing the same for our baby, currently trying to conceive, and I was speaking to my husband about this just yesterday.

If it makes you happy, do it! I'm so proud of my dad and his side of our family, I'm incredibly close to my dad and I'm his only child, I love my name and was feeling so sad I'd never see it again. I'd like that my child will have that side of them recognised in their name. I know it's a faff, but I think you'd be so pleased you did make the change xx ☺️

crumblingschools · 01/04/2024 09:14

But won’t the name die possibly in the next generation, your DD might not have a child or if she does might not use the name in DC’s name

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