Regret not putting maiden name is middle name

[PinkPomelo]

Hi.. I've never posted here before but need support. I didn't put my maiden name as a middle name for my daughter because it is a clear surname and I didn't want there to be confusion about her surname, especially as I plan to keep it in as my surname with my husbands (no hyphen). We've just got her passport and it's become so clear to my I wish I had 😭. I still think it would have been a bit annoying for her growing up but I feel sad I'm not in there. I'm really struggling to change my name to my husbands, but I feel like I have to now to be the same as my daughter. I think I could have just put my name as a middle and not changed my name and felt OK about it.

5 months pp and really over thinking it all. I could change it but she has an irish and a uk passport and it feels like a huge deal to do now.

Kind comments only please.

You can get it changed and not update the passports. That should be fine

It would have been a ridiculous idea
Rubbish. My DC have my surname as a middle name and I’m glad I did it. And I kept my maiden name as well, so I don’t have the same name as my kids and DH, and it has literally never mattered. In fact I don’t even have the same name as myself - I use DH’s name at work to preserve my privacy, and I use my maiden name for everything else.

Another vote for adding it in on the birth certificate. It won’t affect the passports. As for you changing your name, you don’t need to rush if you decide to do it at all. I didn’t change my name on marriage.

I hope you get some help with PND and feel better soon 🌹

Just change it. I have a surname as middle name, and my kids have my surname as my middle name.

Totally understand! I'd always planned for DD to have her dad's surname, kinda to his surprise actually and I don't really know my reasons for it that's just always what I was going to do ( on the other hand I've always been adament I'm not changing my name if I ever got married) . People asked if she d be double barrelled and my reaction was absolutely not. Picked her first name, I've never seen the point of a second name unless after a family member so we weren't bothering with that. Come the morning we were heading off to register her and I had a total wobble, can still remember it so clearly, this feeling of sadness that my name wasn't there. Went into DP and told him that I think I want to put my surname as her second name (it's a name that's used as a name and a surname). His reaction was 'well I couldn't understand why your name wasn't in there somewhere to begin with!'
So yes, if its niggling you, add it. It's a bit of annoying paperwork but there's no point in it lurking in back of your head everytime ye go on holidays and you pull out her passport, we mammys carry enough regret and doubt over our decisions around with us as it is!

Yes a million times regret this, now widow and raising dc on my own and my name is nowhere to be seen. Thought we would get married and I would change names.
So please do it now before it's too late

I think you should change it. I was thinking yesterday how I regret not giving DC my surname too, and they're mid and late teens now, so too late.

Change it on the BC now and then update the passports when they come up for renewal.

I think you should change it. I have the same surname as my husband but gave all three of my children my maiden name as a middle name. They have a first middle name then my maiden name followed by surname. My maiden name is not feminine at all and can be used as a male first name, although not very common, however it's not made my daughter's names sound strange at all. It's also nice in my family that my two sisters have followed the same naming style so all the cousins have our maiden name as an additional middle name

We are a family. Married for nearly 30 years.
Husband has his surname. I have my surname. Dc have both.

Sharing a name is neither necessary nor relevant. There is no "should".

If OP wants to have the same name as her child, she can change the child's name to match hers (both surnames), rather than changing her own.

If you can face the admin then just change it. It's not a big deal, just a faff.

Fwiw though, my DD has her dad's surname as a second middle name and it does cause confusion. We've told the nursery a million times that it's not double barrelled but they still assume it is, and now she's convinced that it's double barrelled too 🙄

Passport has to have correct legal name. We decided to have my surname (I don’t use my married name) as DCs third name.

If just her birth certificate has it and her passport doesn't, could that cause her issues down the line? I can't see anything online about changing a name on an irish passport, seems easy enough for the UK one.

I would love it on her birth certificate but if it's going to cause her confusion down the line it feels selfish

Just change it - she’s tiny

Either double barrel your surnames as hers, or use yours as a middle name.

Not a big deal.

This.

@Weakmocha that's why I ended up not doing it... thought she'd have a life of explaining it. So I was going to put it in and not use it for nursery etc anyway. Do you need to show passport or birth certificate to nursery and school or do you tell them what name to use?

I've never put DDs middle name on documents - bar passport obviously -, to avoid that situation, it's an easy assumption to make.

It isn’t going to cause confusion.

If you want to change the name in your passport in ireland you just supply the new birth cert / marriage cert / whatever cert says that your name has changed.

Seriously OP just crack on and do it, you are overthinking and making far too much of a small thing.

Both. You show official ID and you stipulate what they're known as.

But you are massively overthinking all of this. Probably because you're a bit down.

Nobody needs to "explain" their name. Your name is whatever name you're given and she won't have to explain it to anyone. Whatever name you give her is fine.

Just do it now and deal with the admin as it comes up.

It’s never caused any issues for me having one parent’s surname as a middle name.

It's no hassle having 2 middle names. My two have my surname as a middle name which has made travelling much easier since their other parent buggered off when youngest was 3. They are known by first name last name but use all their names on official forms etc.

My grandmother had her mother's surname as a middle name. I always though that was really cool and very progressive. They came from a very poor (tenant farmer) home. It was a very obvious surname.

To be fair I haven't even had a birth certificate for years and only needed it to get married. I'm tying myself in knots here... over thinking it probably

OMG, can't believe women still think like this

Change with deed poll v inexpensive, does not need publishing. Submit the deed poll with the passport application.

Or, save the name for a future son?
My sons both have family surnames, mine and my mothers maiden surname. My daughter had my mothers first name in the middle.

Dont forget your own mum in all this, passing your own surname is fine but it belongs mainly to your dads family line and mums get no look in.