Everyone pronounces our daughter's name wrong

[StarShine23]

Hi all, advice needed please.

We named our daughter after someone we know from abroad. Its a pretty simple name but we had never heard it in the UK before. Baby is now 1 and the name has become more popular here, but it has a different pronunciation than we use. The problem we have is we don't like way its pronounced here, but everyone we meet now calls her by the UK version rather than her name, even though we correct them.

Do we:
(a) stick to our original pronunciation, even though it will be a battle for her growing up when other people with the same name all pronounce it the UK way
(b) accept the UK version, even though we dont like it and to us, doesn't suit her
(c) change her name

Has anyone else been through this? What did you do / wish you had done?

We feel awful that we have unwillingly picked something that is going to be tricky for her now all her life, but we love the name.

God no!!!! 😂

I hate Youneek spellings 😂

Its a perfectly normal spelling, the same way you can have Claire, Clair or Clare, but the spelling we use is the less common one.

Gaia? Or Penelope?

My parents chose my name with a different spelling to the usual spelling.
I love it spelt this way and I’ve never wished it was the more usual way.
However, it’s meant that I’ve spent my whole life telling people how I spell I name/getting it spelt incorrectly.

Do I wish my parents had chosen the more usual form of spelling it?
No.
I’d rather correct people than have the more usual spelling.

You could use her middle name with people outside the family and use the preferred name within the family. My sibling is known as Olivia by strangers and Elizabeth by family

@Treaclewell ,is Deanna pronounced Dee-na or Dee-anna?

My dad is Indian. Mum is Irish. They thought naming my sister Kiran (an Indian girls name and Irish boy’s name) would be a good idea.

My mum and dad pronounce it Kih-run - rhymes with Helen Mirren. But most people go with the Irish version of Keer-un. Even people with Indian backgrounds! Including her best friend who is British Indian (friends since 11).

I know my sister prefers the former but just puts up with it. Never heard her correct it.

I used to work in a primary school - we had loads of girls called Aleysha, Alisha, Aleesha, Elicia, Elysha, Alicia - most of them were all pronounced the same by the kids and famillies. I used to try and use nuanced pronounciations (eg Al-ic-ea) but I was usually corrected. It's a minefield!
My own name can be pronounced 2 ways - after 60 years I've stopped noticing tbh 😂

Good guess. And I am still fuming over the bishop who decided to confirm me as the short coinage related nickname. I don't feel properly 'done'. They had seen my baptism certificate. There's a whole layer of meaning about the long form that has been disregarded. As, presumably, inappropriate.
I get rhymes with envelope, and antelope...

I'm not British born, I have a name that is very uncommon for women of my age, but more common for girls now, although my spelling of it remains uncommon.

I love my name, its spelling, its pronunciation, its history. I feel very special with it.

The only way you will teach your daughter to be proud of her name is to keep correcting people, as you see appropriate.

People can spell and pronounce Penelope, Savannah, Delilah etc, so they can spell and pronounce your dd's name as well.

Sadly this is what happens choosing a ‘different’ name. I’d do everything to make my child’s name as easy as possible for her. I have a friend (now mid 50s) with an unusual name, she has to spell or pronounce it every single day to someone.

@Wel , Kiran is unisex - I know male and female ones.

My middle name is Chantal, but as soon as I say it or write it, literally everyone says Chantelle. I just politely tell them it's Chantal (don't tell likely it, but it's part of my name). My parents chose the French pronounciation, but even the English pronouncation isn't Chantelle.

I thought I'd turned up at the wrong wedding once. We all knew the bridegroom as Chris and his family were talking about Mark. Mark was his middle name but he'd been called that from day 1 because " Mark Christopher didn't sound right". He got fed up of explaining once he got to school so decided to be Chris apart from in the family.
Not sure if that had any bearing on the later divorce!

Phishy, you're wrong about the first name on your list. See above.

It is slightly different, as DD's name is not common here, but is constantly mispronounced e.g. Sipho (the ph is 'p' not 'f')

She is used to correcting people, no-one has taken offence and she doesn't see it as any big deal. There have been times she has preferred to use her English middle name, but now she is proud of that aspect of her heritage, and also realises that it isn't widely known in the UK.

I think either option a or b (change your own pronunciation, or correct other people) is fine, so do which you prefer until she's old enough to decide for herself.

I wouldn't change her name legally as it is a hassle, and presumably you wanted to honour the person you named her after - although, as I said, at time DD chose to use her middle name, and that may be another option.

I just accept everyone pronouncing my name "wrong". I considered changing my name, but in the end kept it. I would not give a name to a child where the pronunciation was different to the usual, especially if the difference was subtle.

I'd guess it's Maria, pronounced like a Black Maria police van rather than Ma-ree-a.

Sadly this is what happens choosing a ‘different’ name.

It isn't about choosing to be 'different' for the sake of being different, it is about celebrating family and friends from other heritages.

YABU. Stick to the name you chose, and correct people. Why on earth would you change her name? That’s extremely confusing and she likely knows her name by now.

Don’t let things like this bother you. My LO has a somewhat unisex name, in that there’s a spelling for F and M, but people (not all) will pronounce it in the male version form so now when I introduce her, I place emphasis on the part that makes the name femme. You’ll need to do this. Be assertive!

We also have a family friend that is insisting on abbreviating my LO name, ultimately trying to give her a nickname we have never introduced her as. The nickname is ALSO the male version of her name, which does get annoying but I’ll correct this person when I see them in person.

When you introduce your child, pronounce her name assertively.

That isn’t always possible.

my friends son is John. Couldn’t really be any easier, could it?

until he went to uni in the US. No one could pronounce it or had an idea what he was saying.
eventually they’d see it written and say “oh you mean Jaaahn”.

like pp pointed out, a difficult name here maybe easy in another language. And presumably if you have that heritage, your child might want to spend time there.

unless you have no ambition for you child except to stay in the area they were born so people can pronounce and spell their name, there’s no such thing as choosing a name that is pronounced the same everywhere. In the Uk especially you can go three miles down the road and it will sound completely different!

This sort of thing is much more common than you think OP. One of my DD's has the reverse problem to you - she has a very unusual and pretty name that has double s in the middle. In our experience most originally British people pronounce the name as you would expect - exactly as it looks written down but as we are now a very multicultural country a lot of people particularly from Eastern Europe pronounce the double s as 'sh' and don't pronounce the i that follows them. It's no biggie is it - my adult DD doesn't seem in the least bit worried about it and neither are we. It's just language differences and can't be avoided - sorry, but I've got far greater things to worry about than correcting people's pronunciation!

My first name is run of the mill but can be spelled two ways and also, depending on which country I'm in at the time, pronounced 3 ways that I know of so far. I've given up trying to correct anyone, and in fact have had far more trouble with my surnames, maiden and married. The most annoying thing to me is when I spell my surname out to someone and then pronounce it as it should be pronounced and it is repeated back to me the way the person speaking thinks it ought to be pronounced, not the way it I have just pronounced it. IYSWIM. Drives me nuts.
No advice to @StarShine23, sorry. Except my brother had an fairly unusual name for England, spelled the French way, which he hated, and his middle name was more unusual and also spelled the French way, but he preferred it, so when he went to secondary school, he changed to using the English version of his middle name and that is how he is now known by everyone but family and friends who knew him before he was 11. Is use of a middle name a possibility?

That sometimes happens with the Irish names Padraic and Caitlin. It's a tricky one, names should always be pronounced correctly out of courtesy, but I think you'll just have to be flexible about it and accept the more commonplace UK pronunciation outside of your immediate home and family and her close friendship group. I think your daughter might end up getting teased if she keeps correcting everyone she meets.

Why?

She either pronounces it her way or the 'new' way.

Doesn't matter what it is

I'd stay with the 'original' way that you liked in the first place @StarShine23

Hi OP,
I just wanted to say I wouldn't let your daughter hear or become aware of the whole "hate?/don't like her name when it's pronounced the UK way" narrative.

You pronounce her name how you like. You correct people if you want to but I would leave it up to her if her name mispronounced bothers her. Her name is a part of her identity and it's not nice for her if she thinks you don't like it or it's pronunciation becomes a source of stress.

I have known a Sara (not Sarah) that corrected pronunciation every time their name was said wrong and one that was equally happy to be called Sarah of Sara and didn't correct anyone so different longstanding friends might call her Sara or Sarah. For each it was their choice.