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Everyone pronounces our daughter's name wrong

570 replies

StarShine23 · 13/02/2024 09:09

Hi all, advice needed please.

We named our daughter after someone we know from abroad. Its a pretty simple name but we had never heard it in the UK before. Baby is now 1 and the name has become more popular here, but it has a different pronunciation than we use. The problem we have is we don't like way its pronounced here, but everyone we meet now calls her by the UK version rather than her name, even though we correct them.

Do we:
(a) stick to our original pronunciation, even though it will be a battle for her growing up when other people with the same name all pronounce it the UK way
(b) accept the UK version, even though we dont like it and to us, doesn't suit her
(c) change her name

Has anyone else been through this? What did you do / wish you had done?

We feel awful that we have unwillingly picked something that is going to be tricky for her now all her life, but we love the name.

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SleepingStandingUp · 13/02/2024 09:35

It might just be regional op that's why it's useful to share the name

ThisIsOk · 13/02/2024 09:38

I have a son who has a name that can be pronounced two different ways and one of the ways we really don’t like!

When I was pregnant and my husband suggested the name I was really against it initially as although I liked the name when it was said in the way we would pronounce it, I knew that people would probably pronounce it in the way we don’t like as that’s the more ‘typical way’ of pronouncing the name.

Eventually I agreed that we should use the name, but only on the premise we would spell it different to the ‘typical’ spelling so when written down it would look like how we wanted it to be pronounced. The spelling we chose is an accepted spelling of the name, it wasn’t anything weird and wonderful, it’s just a lesser used spelling.

We had great success in that his name has never once been pronounced in the way we didn’t like as the spelling of his name automatically leads to it being pronounced the way we want, but the problem we have is that whenever anyone writes his name down (upon hearing it) they still use the traditional spelling of the name and it drives me mad 😂

I can’t tell you how many birthday cards and Christmas cards we get with his name spelt incorrectly! He won a trophy a few months ago from his junior cricketing team and on his plaque his name was written incorrectly as it was spelt using the traditional spelling as opposed to how we spell it.

At one point I said to my husband that I found it so irritating that I wish we had just used the traditional spelling of the name as he’s going to have a lifetime of his name automatically being spelt incorrectly and him needing to correct people.

But on the flip side if we’d used the traditional spelling we’d all have had a lifetime of his name being pronounced in the traditional way (the way we don’t like) and he’d just be correcting them on that instead. So we couldn’t win either way!

Ultimately though, we are glad we didn’t ever change the spelling or the pronunciation because I think we would really have come to regret it.

I sympathise with your feeling bad about unknowingly putting this stress on to your child as I feel the same.

Mind you, I’ve got a really common name and there are 3 recognised spellings of it and I’m always being asked how to spell it, so things like this aren’t just specific to more rarer names.

Speaking from experience, I would keep your child’s name and pronounciation and as she gets older just make her aware that it’s probably an issue that she’s going to have deal with, but it’s an issue that a lot of people have to deal with regardless of what their name is.

She may actually really like having a more individual pronunciation as opposed to being one of 10 girls in the class with the same sounding name.

Although my son does eye roll every time he sees his name being written down incorrectly, he does love his name and he said he’d hate for it to be pronounced in the more known way, so that’s another reason why are glad we didn’t make any changes to the pronunciation or spelling.

Stand by your choice OP 👍

MajesticWhine · 13/02/2024 09:38

Stick to your original pronunciation. Your daughter can decide when she's old enough whether to bother correcting people or not.

Tatonka · 13/02/2024 09:38

Can you just spell it phonetically so people will hopefully pronounce it correctly?

theeyeshaveit82 · 13/02/2024 09:39

StarShine23 · 13/02/2024 09:33

We had genuinely never heard the name here before, but didn't really know a lot of young children before we had ours. Its not a fancy name, and the way we know it pronounces it as it is spelt, its the UK version that seems to shorten the middle vowel. But that may just be what we are used to. Its a very nuanced difference.

I'm not saying the name, because I don't want to offend any one who is or has children called it and use the UK variant.

i so t think anyone would be offended that one anonymous mumsnet prefers a different pronunciation of their child’s name! 😂

Marblessolveeverything · 13/02/2024 09:39

Can you reference a name with a similar pattern ? Have you played the name on the ai pronunciation generators?

Maireas · 13/02/2024 09:41

Just say what the name is. Otherwise any advice is a bit useless.

BlackberrySky · 13/02/2024 09:43

I would just leave it as it is. She will introduce herself with your pronunciation and people she knows will call her that. People who don't will mispronounce it but it's no big deal. I have a name that's pronounced differently in different European countries and I worked in several of them. I always just used the pronunciation of that country to introduce myself and people called me that.

Lifeinlists · 13/02/2024 09:46

You're not going to offend anyone on an anonymous forum. Just say the name.

You've probably missed being able to change it if she's a year old and she knows her name now. Stay with it.

People will soon remember if they see her regularly. I taught a girl called Serena who pronounced it the Italian way (she was from an Italian family). She told me in the first lesson and that was that!

Maireas · 13/02/2024 09:48

I was at university with a girl called Caroline. Except, for some unknown reason, she pronounced it Caroleen. She would get very angry if anyone got it wrong!

ThisIsOk · 13/02/2024 09:50

Maireas · 13/02/2024 09:48

I was at university with a girl called Caroline. Except, for some unknown reason, she pronounced it Caroleen. She would get very angry if anyone got it wrong!

My eldest sister is called Carolyn and everyone pronounces it “Caroline” and she hates it!

She’s forever correcting people 😬

MaggieFS · 13/02/2024 09:54

You won't offend anyone by saying it. Everyone has different likes and dislikes but it's really hard to comment without knowing it.

FWIW, if it's a name you like, then keep it, and just get used to correcting it. My name is like that (two, both correct pronunciations in the UK) and it's an absolute PITA, but most people do get the hang of it. Just don't shy away from correcting them.

Shopper727 · 13/02/2024 09:55

Leave it as it is. I work with under 5’s (nurse) so come across many names and lots from people from all over the world. If there’s a name I don’t know how to pronounce I ask and if I get it wrong I’m happy to be corrected it’s your child’s name so correct it it’s not really a big deal the people who know her will say it properly the rest you may need to correct if it’s a big deal to you.

WaterBottlePurple · 13/02/2024 09:57

Something like Maya? If so I always check pronunciation with that one.

Chersfrozenface · 13/02/2024 09:57

Maireas · 13/02/2024 09:48

I was at university with a girl called Caroline. Except, for some unknown reason, she pronounced it Caroleen. She would get very angry if anyone got it wrong!

That's how Caroline is pronounced in French.

rainbowstardrops · 13/02/2024 09:59

Why on earth do you think you might offend anonymous people on an internet forum by stating the name?! Bonkers.
I've seen my children's names mentioned on various threads in the past and some people like them and some don't. You know, just like real life! I couldn't give a shit and definitely not offended!

SheilaFentiman · 13/02/2024 09:59

I agree with posters who say it’s not as simple as telling people once. I had a colleague whose name ended in -ide, it was pronounced -iday but she gave up trying to correct people who persistently rhymed it with side.

Your DD may do the same, either cos she doesn’t mind either pronunciation or because she just gives up.

if she chooses the UK pronunciation in due course, could you live with it?

TinyYellow · 13/02/2024 10:00

Leave the name as it is. You won’t be able to follow your child around for her entire childhood correcting people who pronounce the name the only way you know so you may as well let it go. Your daughter may decide she prefers the other way if you just let it be and don’t make a fuss about it being ‘wrong’.

Maireas · 13/02/2024 10:00

Chersfrozenface · 13/02/2024 09:57

That's how Caroline is pronounced in French.

She wasn't French.
It just meant that most interactions were negatively based on the "mispronunciation" of her name.

VincentVanGoth · 13/02/2024 10:00

Is it Esmé?

Ceàrdaman · 13/02/2024 10:01

you need to share the name

VincentVanGoth · 13/02/2024 10:01

Maireas · 13/02/2024 09:48

I was at university with a girl called Caroline. Except, for some unknown reason, she pronounced it Caroleen. She would get very angry if anyone got it wrong!

In my primary school we had a Caroline, Carolynn and a Caroleen all spelt Caroline.

Gymmum82 · 13/02/2024 10:02

The thing is there are loads of names that can be pronounced differently.
Esme - Esmay or Esmee
Ayla - Ay-la or Eye-la
Clara - CL-ar-a or Claire-a
Xavier- Zay-vee-er or Ex-ay-vee-er
Saoirse- Sor-sha or Seer-sha

those are just the few I can immediately think of people I know.
Pronounce it how you like and expect to correct people a few times. Also tell us what the name is because there’s nothing more annoying than not saying

ThisIsOk · 13/02/2024 10:04

VincentVanGoth · 13/02/2024 10:00

Is it Esmé?

The Ez-me versus Ez-may debate…..

I have a cousin called Esme, pronounced Ez-me and she’s forever being called Ez-May. She now just introduces herself as Ez to prevent any mispronunciations as she’s so tired of correcting people.

Another name I learnt of recently that was in similar territory was the name Leah. I have always pronounced it Lee-a, whereas I’ve now learnt that other people pronounce it Lay-a. It wouldn’t even occur to me to pronounce it that way.

HoweverWeare · 13/02/2024 10:04

It’s a long life to spend having to correct the majority of people’s pronunciation of your name. I can’t even bear having to spell my name all the time even when people do pronounce it correctly (and rarely ever mispronounce it)

I have a friend with a daughter with a European name that I have never come across in the UK. I cannot pronounce it correctly and the daughter finds it difficult and sometimes thinks I am teasing her. I hate it. I even asked for a nick name and they gave me pronunciation lessons instead. So now I just avoid saying her name!

I would leave it up to your daughter to decide whether she wants to have the frustration of correcting people’s pronunciation.

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