Would it be weird to use the middle name

[Marshmallowtoastie]

I’d like to name my baby a fairly common first name and a middle name from our culture, then we would use the middle name day to day and always introduce them by the middle name.
Do you think I could ask the school or other places to use the middle name as well? I’m worried it will be confusing, but I like that they have the option when applying for jobs or go to new places when they are older that they will have the option of a British sounding name, as we’ve experienced issues ourselves due to our names.

I was just coming on here to say this.

I've been known by my middle name since the day I was born and I don't appreciate it at all. It has been a total pain in the arse and 57 years of having to explain it regularly.

My parents said they did it because otherwise the initials would spell something odd, but I don't think they would have. I certainly can't work out what it would have been. If I ask them now they really can't explain it fully.

I do quite like the name I am known by, but I really wish it was my first name rather than middle.

My preference when naming my own children was that the first name on the birth certificate would be the one they would be known by.

I don't know that it happens.

If someone is going to discriminate on sex, colour, race or religion, they probably will anyway.

But couldn’t they just decide to use the middle name when they’re older too?
as long as all documents at in the legal first name, if they decided for example once they went to high school or university that they wanted to be British first name, they could. The same way some people might decide to go by their middle name, or Elizabeth might change from Liz to Betty.

thank you though! This is all really useful to talk through. Either way I’m giving them a difficult name, unless I just drop our heritage from it entirely which I don’t want to do. And we cant talk to family and friends about it as obviously they feel passionately about it, and have lots of opinions on the names too. So it’s really useful to think about the different potential problems, as well as if we can do anything to make it a bit easier for them, so it’s super useful to hear from people who use their middle name and the problems they’ve had so we can try to prevent those issues where possible. Thank you everyone for you input so far

Please read the article I posted above, for starters. Of course it happens. Staggering that otherwise intelligent-sounding people don't know this!

I know you're worried about racism, but even if DC is called Steve l, will people be able to tell by looking him that he's not White British? In which case it doesn't really resolve anything, it possibly just makes a different issue. Even if it gets him an interview,if you think they won't recruit him because he's not white british, they can still underscore him

I think you should use the name you want and love first and put Steve in as the middle name. If he wants to use it at a y point, let him.

@falalalalalalalallama , I don't need to read the article.
I think that people tend to recruit 'people like them' or someone who fits their idea of the person doing the role.

If the recruiter subconsciously wanted a white, English, male, MC, suited-and-booted candidate, I'd be ruled out at the interview stage anyway, as I am none of those.

Both dh and I are ‘white passing,’ at least initially. genetics are funny but it’s likely dc will be too. I appreciate then it’s a privileged position to be in that they could potentially avoid some racism, when others may be unable to do so, but realistically there’s a good chance no one would notice straight away that ‘Steve’ isn’t white.

Why wouldn't you just give them the
Middle name option as a first name if that's what you intend to call them anyway?

Maybe read the thread?

The issue is much more complex than that. Of course someone who's overtly racist in the UK would also be less likely to prefer someone at interview who's not white British.

But the discrimination that happens at the level of CVs, where there's widespread unconscious bias, with people with foreign-sounding names losing out on opportunities doesn't necessarily translate to the interview. Once people get through to the interview stage, they're at least in with a chance and if they shine at interview, it's possible that may outweigh any unconscious bias (or not).

Also, the person sifting the CVs may not be the same person doing the interviews - or only one of a panel - so it's possible the same unconscious bias may not be so strong at interview. (Although, on the other hand, it could be worse! Luck of the draw).

This may not be relevant to the OP, given she's said her DC is likely to be white-passing anyway, but just for info.

There is A LOT of evidence of discrimination on the basis of foreign-sounding names. It's not something we can wish away, sadly, and it's not just for jobs, that's just one example.

OP, are you prepared to share the culture in question? In my experience, it's rare for a culture to have absolutely no name-overlap with English. You can pretty much always find some names that are used in both cultures. I would go for one of those, if possible.

There are a lot of teachers on here saying things like "Oh, lots of kids at our school have a known-as name, it's totally not a problem!" Look, with respect, it's not a problem at a school because schools are full of teachers! Teachers receive specific instructions about the importance of getting names right and putting the right names on documents, and teachers are (on average) a lot more conscientious than your typical human being. Out there, once the kid has left school, of course it is going to be a massive headache to be known by their middle name not by their legal name, especially in these days of computerized records; the experiences of the posters on here are proof of this.

@falalalalalalalallama , Wouldn't Steve have a non-'WASP' surname?
Would say Steve Badawi or Steve Chandrapandy not imply some mixed heritage?

I know someone with a very British sounding name and would go to an interview and know straight away that the interviewer had not been expecting a person of colour.

@user1477391263 yes there are a few crossover names but we are one of the last in our group of friends and family to have children and of course most of those names, or at least the nice ones, have been taken by children we are quite close to.

What about the child’s surname- is that related to your culture? Would the child not face these potential racism issues because of their surname anyway? And then doesn’t that surname undo the potential benefit of an Anglo sounding first name?

I’ve given my (white) children names from my culture, which aren’t spelled in a way that isn’t easy for English speakers or those who speak Romance languages to read (although fine to say).

My name is also from my culture and has never been a problem for me in the UK. Get lots of questions about it, but have had plenty of good jobs etc. I am white though (so racism not an issue but have faced plenty of anti-immigrant sentiment).

On people not going by their official name, it’s an absolute pain for others too. I’ve booked separate trips away for two people before only to find out afterwards their name is not the name on their passport. The absolute admin headache of trying to change a Ryanair flight with the wrong name on it still gives me nightmares.

What about the child’s surname- is that related to your culture? Would the child not face these potential racism issues because of their surname anyway?
it’s not obvious where the surname is from

Either way I’m giving them a difficult name, unless I just drop our heritage from it entirely which I don’t want to do

Choose your favourite name and make that the first name, not middle name. I don't understand why you'd have to drop your heritage? I'm mixed race with a non white name and I've never had any issues with work. Employers look at my qualifications and experience.

Tricky conundrum, but I think that if it was a choice between using the same name as a friend’s child/cousin, OR doing the “middle name as known name” thing, I’d opt for the first choice, after discussing it with the person in question, and I’d pick one that had a feasible nickname that could be used day to day while growing up to distinguish them.

We have a fair few “George/Joji” “Leon/Rion” etc among the kids I know as I know so many bicultural families. People “get” it and don’t get upset IME - they understand that there are only so many bilingual names to go round.

Don't do this it is a pain the arse. As someone who's parents did this when they were born I've spent my life having to explain what I go by and correct people etc. just put the name you want as their first name.

My great grandfather was George Archibald but was always known as Archibald. On the 1911 census it has his name as G Archibald so it has always happened.

Agree it’s a pain when you’re an adult. DH goes by his middle name and I once got a fine for putting his middle name not legal name on a document. Stupid mistake, but the kind of thing you forget easily. We also have to remember to give the right name for tickets, forms and other things. He hates it so much that he’s going to change his name by deed poll this year and lose the first name.

I didn’t know my first name
until I was about 6 - my parents always called me by my middle name!! Never used my first name (I am 50) not really an issue to be honest - some people think its odd but its all I have ever known!!

The people who have said it's a pain haven't said it's because they don't like the first/middle name, it's because everything requires legal ID these days that had to match so you are constantly explaining/correcting. Never an issue for my mum growing up but now in her 80's she has to remember her legal name and often doesn't respond to it. You are over thinking the "jobs" market . They can apply and have a CV in a any name they choose and reveal their " real" name once are filling in the HR forms!.

My parents brought me up using my middle name (it’s something my family do on my dads side) and it’s a bit of a pain to honest for anything ‘official’ and anyone who doesn’t know me obviously calls me by my first name which feels weird. I didn’t carry it on for my children. I’m just used to it though even though it takes some explaining at times. I do like both my names though!

In this age of frequent international travel plus heightened SECURITY I should not muddy the waters and blur issues, it will only cause stress and anxiety to all involved.

My Mum and her siblings all had an English forename and then a foreign middle name. They were all known by their middle names, although some used the English name for work.

All fine until my Mum was in hospital and the doctor told me that they were worried because she didn’t know her name. I said she was known by her middle name. So they helpfully wrote on her notes “likes to be called Yetta.” I ended up writing on the white board above her bed “My name is YETTA”, but half of them were still calling her Joan until she died.

It was the same with her brother.