To want to choose my babies own name?!

[Blossomflo]

I’m married to a south Italian man. We are expecting a baby boy and he insists the baby should have his fathers first name (a very common traditional name). This would mean DS would have the exact first and last name as my FIL. This is a strong tradition in the south of Italy and my FIL has been telling me randomly at dinners and things for the last 10 years my future son will be named after him.
I am more than happy to give the baby his name as a middle name, plus the surname, but want to choose a different first name. I feel that this is a sexist tradition that disregards woman’s opinions and I feel strongly my child should have his own identity. My husband for example has the exact same name as all of his male cousins and grandad.
The problem is my husband says going against this tradition would be a huge sign of disrespect and would upset him and his father so much. He brings up how much his dad has done for him and also how much he is supporting us now. I feel completely torn as I don’t want to cause upset and resentment towards me, but also don’t want to grow up feeling resentful that I was forced to name my child something I didn’t want. Help!

I disagree. The baby is 50% yours also. His tradition doesn’t override your thoughts and feelings too. You need to come to an agreement. If his family don’t like it quite honestly it’s their problem. Our PIL wanted to choose a name for our child as per their culture and I put my foot down. It’s your baby too xx

I once went to a wedding in Southern Italy and about 15 related men were called Salvatore 😂😅 most with the same surname!

Call him Mario. There, it's decided! 😂

I wouldn’t go along with this. He would get the name as a middle name only.

I like the idea of telling Dh he can choose the first name or the surname, you will choose the other.

Also: so this child will have an Italian first name, an Italian surname, live in Italy and, presumably, speak Italian. Where is your heritage in all this? No.

Aw I hope it’s matteo. Love that name!

Plenty of children of dual heritage live in England with English first name and surname. My children have my name as a middle name but generally use only first name and surname. Culture is not just in a name btw.

Make sure the second name is your favourite and call him by that if you can not think up an acceptable nick name.

It seems that, for your husband, he spoke about the tradition and his allegiance to it for a long enough time for you to reconsider marrying him.

Jeepers. DD got a name DH and I chose and my surname DH’s as a middle name). We made her, I grew her. I wasn’t handing over anything to the male line.

i’d actively avoided any sexism, like name and title changes for 7 years before she came along, despite DH coming from a “traditional” family. FUCK. THAT.

Stand up for yourself, OP.