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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Worried friend will choose same name (due before me)

53 replies

sashastuck · 09/07/2023 18:12

Hi all,

This sounds a little silly and ‘what if’ but I need to let it out!
My friend is due a couple of months before me. She’s having a boy and I THINK I am also having a boy due to scan pics, guesses and also a strong feeling. We’ve had our boy name in place since before we conceived - to be honest, it’s the only name we agree on and both love.
I have this irrational fear that my friend is going to name her baby the same thing, just going by something she said to me once. She didn’t say the name but gave a clue to it that made me wonder…. And it’s seriously keeping me up at night 😂 If she does choose the same name, what would you do/say?

Should I stick with my name that I absolutely adore or is that awful? We’re not best friends by any means but I’d still feel so guilty.

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SoSadForCav · 09/07/2023 18:15

Just tell her you chose the name before you conceived if you have a boy, but haven't decided on a girls name yet (or that you have, whatever). Then it's up to her what she does.

Original poster

sashastuck · 09/07/2023 18:17

@SoSadForCav so tell her the name before her baby is born? That does make sense!

OP posts:

PurpleReindeer2 · 09/07/2023 18:17

Yes if you love it then use it. Don't stress about it. I'd just say, when you find out if you are having a boy, that you've decided to call him whatever the name is. Good luck.

Fandabedodgy · 09/07/2023 18:19

If you both end up with the same name it just means you both have excellent taste.

No one owns a name. If you love it. Use it.

Mammamia2023 · 09/07/2023 18:22

I wouldn’t tell her the name in case she hears it and falls in love with it. I would just say something along the lines of we only have a boys name agreed on so far. It’s one we decided whilst we were trying, still can’t agree on a girls name lol. Just keep it light.

ManchesterGirl2 · 09/07/2023 18:22

I might tell her now, so she doesn't think you're copying, but also it's fine if you both name them the same thing. Kids names are rarely unique, if its a common name they'll have various friends and acquaintances throughout their life who share their name. Plus you might not even stay close to this friend in the future.

Countingdowntodecember · 09/07/2023 18:26

I’d tell her the name you plan to use now. Then even if she uses it, you can use it without her thinking/claiming that you copied her.

Sewingdufus · 09/07/2023 18:28

I would tell her face to face that you are fixed on a boy’s name and have been for a long while. Then, without telling her what it is, I would advise her that if it happens to be the same name you will still be using it.

Spanielsarepainless · 09/07/2023 18:28

Why would you change yours? Say to her that when your baby is born, if it's a boy he's going to be Brian, or Nigel, or Trevor, or whatever you have chosen.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/07/2023 18:30

You could stick it on Facebook with a scan pic.
So excited to meet baby Frodo next month! Or Maud, still not sure which it is .... 😉

themummylife · 09/07/2023 18:32

I’d tell her the name you’re planning to use, just so if it is the same name she knows there wasn’t any ‘copying’. But I wouldn’t change the name you plan on using, half of my family have the same or similar names, it’s never bothered anyone.

Original poster

sashastuck · 09/07/2023 18:41

Gosh thank you everyone, that was quick! You’ve really reassured me - I was really panicking.
I think as some of you suggested, I’ll mention the name beforehand which at least takes away the suggestion that I could have copied 🫣

OP posts:

xxalhxx · 09/07/2023 18:49

I think this is a situation of first come first serve😂nothing you can really do anyway it's her choice you can only name your baby the same or choose different if they don't leave near each other and won't be going to the same school and stuff then just do it🤷🏼‍♀️

Thebigblueballoon · 09/07/2023 18:53

To be honest, I don’t think I’d waste my energy thinking about it. If, worst case scenario, she does opt for the same name, I’d still use it. You could mention it beforehand, but you run the risk of her falling in love with the name if she’s undecided. Unlikely though.

18baldingstar · 09/07/2023 19:10

Try not to stress about it. I knew a close friend of mine liked a name v. similar to our chosen girls name. I remember freaking out about it but in the end she had a boy and I had a girl. But I would have named our girl the same anyway.

Also worth mentioning that friendships can really change after having kids. I’m not at all close to that friend these days anyway! Our kids have never really met. So just go with the name you love regardless

Hankthehonk · 09/07/2023 22:05

I worried about this a bit because I was pregnant at the same time as a close friend and we knew we were both having girls. When we lived together in our early 20s she used to say she'd call a daughter Rose - and we wanted to call our baby Rosa.
I just asked her if this was their name choice, told her we were planning on using Rosa and asked her not to tell anyone else. They had come up with a new name anyway so I'd worried over nothing! I think you should just talk to your friend.

Parlourgames · 09/07/2023 22:10

My SIL got stressed that I was going to use the name she wanted to use for her baby (she was quite a long way behind me in pregnancy) and to be honest it was very annoying. She refused to tell us the name but also wanted to know what we were going to call our baby. We hadn’t decided. I felt that I had the right to choose my child’s name without being given restrictions. In the end it worked out fine as I don’t like the name she chose and anyway we had babies of different sexes! But she was a bit of a prima donna about it, so just be a bit careful.

BorderlineCool · 10/07/2023 01:07

One of my good friends had a little boy. I had a baby girl 18 months later and gave her the same name! 😂

I text my friend when I was mulling over names and told her I was considering the same name as her son. Her reaction was so positive that I just went for it. She really wasn't arsed and it's not an unusual name. I think that would have been a bit weirder.

Kalodin · 10/07/2023 01:11

I also get that irrational fear which is why, we have always announced our name post 20wk scan (tend to get a 16wk scan confirming the sex and then again at the 20wk).

When we do the reveal that we are having a boy, previous 3 times, we have always announced the sex by announcing the name!

My sister is pregnant, due in October, and we both like simialr boys names, so I'll be announcing our name in September 😅

Topseyt123 · 10/07/2023 03:25

I don't see it as an issue and would use the name you love without a second thought.

Pawpatrolsucks · 10/07/2023 05:16

I would tell a few people in the friendship group the boy name you have picked. If she uses it that’s fine, but you can still use it and no one can accuse you of copying her.

garlictwist · 10/07/2023 05:53

Why can't they have the same name? I don't see the issue. I have the same name as my mums best friends daughter. Never been an issue.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 10/07/2023 06:18

I had a work colleague who was pregnant at the same time as her cousin. Both having boys. My colleague was was due before cousin. Colleague had a baby shower and shared the name.

Cousin went into early labour and stole her name. Colleague commented on her Facebook saying "nice name lol" and used it any way 🤣 thought good for her.

user1492757084 · 10/07/2023 11:47

If the babies have different surnames then what does it matter?

Original poster

sashastuck · 10/07/2023 11:54

Thanks for all the stories etc! I feel less worried now for sure!

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