Worried friend will choose same name (due before me)

[sashastuck]

Hi all,

This sounds a little silly and ‘what if’ but I need to let it out!
My friend is due a couple of months before me. She’s having a boy and I THINK I am also having a boy due to scan pics, guesses and also a strong feeling. We’ve had our boy name in place since before we conceived - to be honest, it’s the only name we agree on and both love.
I have this irrational fear that my friend is going to name her baby the same thing, just going by something she said to me once. She didn’t say the name but gave a clue to it that made me wonder…. And it’s seriously keeping me up at night 😂 If she does choose the same name, what would you do/say?

Should I stick with my name that I absolutely adore or is that awful? We’re not best friends by any means but I’d still feel so guilty.

Don't tell anyone the name before baby arrives. Use the name. You love it and it's your child to name. It really doesn't matter what your friend does. Don't worry and just look forward to welcoming your little one!

Just be ready to say "Oh how lovely! We obviously have the same taste, we're using James as well - they'll be so cute together." Then it's clear you already had it picked, not that you're copying.

Personally I wouldn’t say the name. I’d say we have a name chosen and leave it at that. If she does come out with the same name, when congratulating her mention then that it’s a funny coincidence as you chose the same one.

@SoSadForCav came to say exactly this. Great advice :)

Aah I feel like I could have written this myself! I’m pregnant with my first, best friend with her 3rd. Constantly asking me what names I’m thinking of using so I’ve now just started telling her names I’ve ruled out

I wouldn't go reserving the name but if she does name her baby the same name you have chosen, I would congratulate her, squeal with delight and tell her how fabulous it will be for them both to share the same name.

If it's a popular name there will probably be many others.

There were 3 of me in my class at school 😁

I have spent my whole pregnancy like this! I was so sure one of my best friends was going to use the same (unusual) name that we planned to use. Years ago we both discussed baby names before either of us were pregnant and I had my number one name in my head but wasn’t going to ever say it out loud to anyone as it was very unusual and I just didn’t ever want to plant the seed for anyone to use it. She was going through her short list of a few names and my name was on it 😧

She was only due the week before me so I felt I had to just wait it out for the whole pregnancy to see what she was going to go for. As it was an unusual name and we are close friends there was no way we could possibly have used the name too. The rule in my head is really just whoever has their baby first gets to pick the name. I even worried a bit that she’d picked it but I’d go into labour early then use the name that she had picked. She said at one point we’d have to discuss names or at least initials of our favourites but we never did and I just always felt that it was her place to pick first then I’d just be silently devastated and have to find another name very quickly 🙈 I even used to think how I would cope calling her child the name I loved for all the years afterwards and how I’d possibly move on from it!

I can’t quite believe it but she’s had her baby and didn’t use the name! I know it would have definitely been on her list and I know she’ll probably say she liked it when mine is born but it makes me think probably her husband didn’t like it or something. I think the actual odds of them choosing it, even if you both like the same names, is probably really slim! Hopefully she doesn’t and you can use it

If you are absolutely set on your name choice, I'd give her a heads up in case it really bothers her for both children to have the same one. Then she has ample time to find another. If you wait until she's named her baby and then say you are definitely using the same one, she might be upset that you took her chance to find an alternative away.

But be prepared for her to decide that she really likes your choice once you say because people often fall in love with the name that's off limits to them. Be willing to name your child the same anyway. Although if she did this I suspect you'd find yourself feeling a bit distant with her.

But hopefully you aren't liking the same one anyway.

Can i piggyback on this please. Im new to this site and not sure how to ask a question myself.
Myself and my friend were both pregnant together. She was 4 months ahead of me and gave birth recently. Neither of us knew what we were having and we didnt discuss any names together. I have always had just one name for a girl and one for a boy. To my shock she just announced the gender and the name. Its the same name I have for that gender. I feel I'm overthinking prematurely because i may have a different gender, but if we have the same gender im not sure to do. Literally have no other name 😫

OverThinker, if your friend uses the name you want to use you can also use it too

You can use the same name.
I'm not sure I would tell her now OP because psychologically, if you feel you can't have something, it might make her want it more. Or it might not be on her shortlist until you put it there.
If you have no other names you both like, you use the name you had originally.
Unlikely to be copying unless it's Amintra or something very unique!

Tell her the name you’ve picked: “so excited we’ve finally sorted the name out - its XXXX it’s the one I always wanted & DH has agreed!” And see what she says. It would be one hell of a coincidence if she replies ‘oh that’s the name I was going for!’ Or if it was she might rethink!! X

wow That’s super passive aggressive 🫣@babyproblems
it’s first come first serve and you’ll cope if she picks the same name but you can’t expect to either own the name or be upset if she chooses the same name as you like
I find it odd when people think they have the right to a name
use it as well, it’s really not a big deal

Just talk to her. “Look, we’re both due around the same time so if DC is a boy then this is my name. I know you’re having a boy too and you might have the same name planned so just thought we should talk about it beforehand!”

Thanks all. I think i might have confused you all with my long winded post. She has already unknowingly used the name that I had picked out too. No ones fault as we hadnt discussed. But now i feel i cant use it. It was the only name i had.

Our friends named their baby the same name - we didn’t know what we were having and when baby was born we chose a name. Their little one was born 5 months later, named the same.

We had never discussed names before and I didn’t know it was a special name to them that they wanted to name their child.

it’s been 14 years now, still friends and
never been an issue.

Thank you. This has helped alot ❤

Did your friend say anything to you about naming the baby the same as yours before she announced? Should I say to her that i also intended to use that name?

Just post a scan: 'looking forward to welcoming baby Frodo.'

If you mention the name privately, it becomes a 'Don't think of a polar bear' scenario.

We told friends our name who were further along than us. The next time we saw them they said they were going to use it too. I was annoyed it would look like we copied them. We had different sexes in the end, but now I think I'd have used the name anyway and not bothered what it looked like.

I never understand all this 'my name for my baby' stuff. My neighbour and I both had girls, just one day apart and unknowingly gave our babies the same name. Who cares? If you like a name, then choose it. If it's popular at the time, then I can guarantee they'll be a couple of children in their Reception class with the same name anyway!

Do t worry, when the baby comes you will look at that little face and a name will come.

Just to clarify no one "claimed" the name. And my friend has no idea im even thinking this way. She might not even mind that I intended to use the name. I just feel now morally can I still use it if she had her baby first. And whether I should run it last her or not

❤

Panic over - she chose a different name!