Surname | Mumsnet

CityBlue37 · 2022-12-21T08:08:35+00:00

My partner and I are not married (engaged 3years). We are having our first baby in 3 months and I'm really unsure whose surname the baby should have? I don't like the idea of our baby having a different surname to me and we will get married within the next couple of years in which case we can change her name then but am I being selfish and over complicating things and should I just go with his surname? Any thoughts?

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Numbat2022 · 21/12/2022 08:10

Very sensible, baby gets the mother's surname.

Do you even want to change your name when you get married? You don't have to.

Ocrumbs · 21/12/2022 08:10

Yours or double barrelled

Lulualoo · 21/12/2022 08:11

Definitely the mother’s name.

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 08:12

100% your surname.

If he wants to change it, he can marry you.

I have been in this situation and I gave DD my surname (although we had only been together 5 months when I got pregnant with her). When we married 3 years later, we legally changed it to his surname.

I suspect he will never marry you otherwise.

AntiqueCestChic · 21/12/2022 08:14

Your surname or double barrelled with both surnames.

I really regret giving DC my partner's surname and not mine - had always thought we would get married but it never happened, so now kids have his surname only.

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 08:14

And it is dead easy to change the birth certificate and totally uncomplicated to do so if you do end up getting married.

BuffaloCauliflower · 21/12/2022 08:14

Definitely give baby your name. It’s always been traditional that babies get mum’s name (if married she may have taken the dad’s name but it’s still then her name) the idea of giving Dad’s name when unmarried is a very new idea. If you change your name on marriage you can change their name then if you wish.

Flapjackquack · 21/12/2022 08:15

Traditionally children have their mother’s surname in the UK. Definitely go with yours.

Ocrumbs · 21/12/2022 08:16

In the hospital they will be baby yourname whatever happens

KirstenBlest · 21/12/2022 11:26

Your surname. You can change the child's name when you get married.

Being engaged doesn't mean anything legally. You'll probably find that the time isn't right, you have different financial priorities etc

meditrina · 21/12/2022 11:42

It's traditional in Britain for babies to take their mother's surname (which of course matched the fathers if married)

It's quire recent (1980s-ish) to use a name other than the mothers, and it can cause problems (esp following relationship breakdown).

I'd go traditional and stick with using the mother's name

Sundala · 21/12/2022 11:51

Your surname. You can change it upon marriage if you want to, yours and the baby's. An engagement is not a marriage and offers you none of the legal protections.

If you did separate, your child has your surname and it makes it easy to change should you wish to in the future. However, if you had given your baby his surname a court likes a child to keep their Father's name so if he says no to a surname change, you cannot ever change it whilst the child is still a child. They can change it themselves at 16.

As said above your baby in hospital will most likely be labelled as Baby Your Surname.

Hwicks · 21/12/2022 11:55

We gave our son my partners surname but changed it at 6mo to both of ours.. not hyphenated. We plan on doing the same with our next baby due next month.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 21/12/2022 11:57

Definitely your surname. Or both.

Practically it just makes so much more sense. Without wanting to be a buzzkill so many relationships breakdown so it's a no brainer to me that a child should share a surname with its mother/primary carer.

Luellie · 21/12/2022 11:59

BuffaloCauliflower · 21/12/2022 08:14

Definitely give baby your name. It’s always been traditional that babies get mum’s name (if married she may have taken the dad’s name but it’s still then her name) the idea of giving Dad’s name when unmarried is a very new idea. If you change your name on marriage you can change their name then if you wish.

100% this

MojoJojo71 · 21/12/2022 12:01

When you get married you have to re-register the baby anyway so id give the baby your surname for now and then if/when you get married if you decide to take his name you could change it to match and if you decide to keep your own name you could add his so the baby has both names.

SueVineer · 21/12/2022 12:02

Give her your name

RedRobyn2021 · 21/12/2022 12:02

Personally, my child would be having my surname. For us, we weren't engaged but compromised by changing both of our names to something new before our baby arrived.

There was no way on Earth after all the work I'd gone through growing and birthing her (not to mention what I went through breastfeeding her) that she wasn't going to have my name.

RedRobyn2021 · 21/12/2022 12:05

Although I should add, my partner was so against our daughter just having my name. And he is not some anti-feminist brute. He was really upset at the idea. So you might have need to dig your heels in... family on his side also made their feelings known about it all.

TenThousandSpoons · 21/12/2022 12:06

Definitely give the baby your name. Why have you had such a long engagement and still not set a wedding date? Has he kept putting it off?

Flapjackquack · 21/12/2022 12:14

RedRobyn2021 · 21/12/2022 12:05

Although I should add, my partner was so against our daughter just having my name. And he is not some anti-feminist brute. He was really upset at the idea. So you might have need to dig your heels in... family on his side also made their feelings known about it all.

I am glad you found a compromise for your family.

I appreciate that in your case your partner was upset about not featuring at all rather than double barrelling/changing his name. But I have to say I have little time for the men who are upset by the baby not having just their surname. A lot of men seem to take it as a given. The woman does all the work in producing the baby and yet the man seems to think they have a right for the baby to just have their surname and the woman doesn’t get represented at all. Grrrr.

Spidey66 · 21/12/2022 12:20

meditrina · 21/12/2022 11:42

It's traditional in Britain for babies to take their mother's surname (which of course matched the fathers if married)

It's quire recent (1980s-ish) to use a name other than the mothers, and it can cause problems (esp following relationship breakdown).

I'd go traditional and stick with using the mother's name

I thought it was traditional to take the father's name! But you can give the baby your name if you want.

newrubylane · 21/12/2022 12:22

This is so interesting. My partner and I are not married yet, but I will take his name when we do and we gave our twins his surname. For context, we were engaged and the wedding date set before they were conceived, so in theory it would have been less than a year before we all had the same name anyway. In fact Covid happened, and they will be 4 by the time we actually marry next spring now. But it never occurred to me not to give them his name, really, even though we knew they would need to be re-registered after we married anyway. It doesn't bother me not having the same surname as them right now. I look forward to the day, very soon, when we will.

TedMullins · 21/12/2022 12:22

Yours. If you all want the same surname when you get married he can take yours too.

TheTonEffect · 21/12/2022 12:23

I double-barrelled the baby's surname with my name going first!