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Original poster

Surname

63 replies

CityBlue37 · 21/12/2022 08:08

My partner and I are not married (engaged 3years). We are having our first baby in 3 months and I'm really unsure whose surname the baby should have?
I don't like the idea of our baby having a different surname to me and we will get married within the next couple of years in which case we can change her name then but am I being selfish and over complicating things and should I just go with his surname?
Any thoughts?

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Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 12:24

newrubylane · 21/12/2022 12:22

This is so interesting. My partner and I are not married yet, but I will take his name when we do and we gave our twins his surname. For context, we were engaged and the wedding date set before they were conceived, so in theory it would have been less than a year before we all had the same name anyway. In fact Covid happened, and they will be 4 by the time we actually marry next spring now. But it never occurred to me not to give them his name, really, even though we knew they would need to be re-registered after we married anyway. It doesn't bother me not having the same surname as them right now. I look forward to the day, very soon, when we will.

You don't re-register the birth if you get married. Where have you read/heard this? It is not my understanding of it.

milawops · 21/12/2022 12:25

We aren't married and our children have a doubled barrelled surname. If we marry I will either keep my name or double barrel it. If you go that route be prepared for some push back. My partners father has taken the kids surname as a personal insult and I constantly had to correct him when he accidentally (100% on purpose) called them by the wrong name.

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 12:26

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 12:24

You don't re-register the birth if you get married. Where have you read/heard this? It is not my understanding of it.

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What I mean is that you only re register if you want to change the childs surname, to show "they are a natural child of the parents marriage"...or at least that is my understanding. But I could be wrong.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/12/2022 12:27

Your name. Then, when you marry, he can take this name.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/12/2022 12:28

I always think the child should take the mothers surname (whether that is her maiden or married name). Seems odd not to given the process that is gone through for her to have a child.

You and dp can theb decide if after marriage you and dc change to his name or he changes to match you and baby.

IggyAce · 21/12/2022 12:29

Yours or double barrelled.

Strokethefurrywall · 21/12/2022 12:33

Yours. 100 times over.

bakewellbride · 21/12/2022 12:33

Each to their own but we did dad's surname only then i changed mine when we got married a couple of years after he was born. It was right for us. We now all have the same surname and have also had another baby.

Spenn · 21/12/2022 12:34

Children should be re registered after a marriage or civil partnership

If the parents have married or enter into a civil partnership after the child was born, they are legally required to re-register the birth. This is the case even if the father is already on the child’s birth certificate. This particular requirement stems from The Legitimacy Act, section 9.
The relevant form is LA1.
In the event that the father did not already have parental responsibility, the father will acquire parental responsibility once the birth has been re-registered in accordance with Section 4, sub-section 1 (a) of the Children Act 1989.

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/register-and-re-register-a-childs-birth/

It's a legal requirement but the fine is £2 for not doing so iirc 
@Dacadactyl

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 21/12/2022 12:36

Spidey66 · 21/12/2022 12:20

I thought it was traditional to take the father's name! But you can give the baby your name if you want.

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Only if the mother is married to the father. The trend for babies (who are born to an unmarried couple) being given the dad's surname is pretty new.

TheFutureIs · 21/12/2022 12:37

I so wish I'd put my foot down and insisted on my little one having my surname. We weren't married and have now split up. She's with me most of the time

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 12:41

Spenn · 21/12/2022 12:34

Children should be re registered after a marriage or civil partnership

If the parents have married or enter into a civil partnership after the child was born, they are legally required to re-register the birth. This is the case even if the father is already on the child’s birth certificate. This particular requirement stems from The Legitimacy Act, section 9.
The relevant form is LA1.
In the event that the father did not already have parental responsibility, the father will acquire parental responsibility once the birth has been re-registered in accordance with Section 4, sub-section 1 (a) of the Children Act 1989.

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/register-and-re-register-a-childs-birth/

It's a legal requirement but the fine is £2 for not doing so iirc 
@Dacadactyl

Ah that's interesting, thank you.

SkylightSkylight · 21/12/2022 12:47

Your name.

You're not married until you're married. Then if you take his name, you can easily change your baby's surname, but if you don't get married the child has the same name as their primary cater (except the very minute percentage where Dad becomes the primary carer).

caroleanboneparte · 24/12/2022 14:43

Babies should always have the mothers surname.

Aquasulis · 24/12/2022 14:44

100% your surname and if you get married you can decide

lunar1 · 24/12/2022 14:50

Your surname if you aren't married, but don't change it as it will be a pain for her. He can either swap to yours if you marry or just have a different name.

If he wanted your baby to have his name I'd get married before she arrives.

DancingSober · 24/12/2022 14:54

I'd also go with your surname.

caringcarer · 24/12/2022 16:48

100 percent baby gets Mum's surname. If/when you marry you and baby could choose to take DH name or not do so.

HappyHogan · 24/12/2022 19:01

Whichever is nicer.

in my case it was a choice of Bacon or Graham which made it a very easy decision

Rickandmortified100 · 25/12/2022 04:28

Flapjackquack · 21/12/2022 08:15

Traditionally children have their mother’s surname in the UK. Definitely go with yours.

This isn’t true? I don’t know anyone who has their mothers surname, unless their parents are not together at the time of the birth. And this is including all my school, university, and current friends as well as my family members, my own children, and now my children’s friends!

I’m also a teacher and almost all of my students whose parents are together or were together when the children were born have the father’s surname, which usually the mother has also taken if married.

I initially kept my maiden name upon marriage but changed it later because I felt weird being the only person to have done so that I knew, and everyone assumed I was single or separated upon finding out my surname!

Very, very few children I know even have double-barrelled surnames, to take the mothers and the fathers. Only on Mumsnet does it seem to be a ‘thing’ that a child shouldn’t take their fathers surname.

Traditionally, both the wife and children would take the surname.

Nosleepforthismum · 25/12/2022 05:03

I gave my DS my surname. We got married six months later and it’s super easy to change to your married name if you wish to do so. Don’t give him his name without being married.

Rosaofthevalley · 25/12/2022 05:05

Mothers surname.

Our first two both had my name until we married and changed all of us to match, the next two both had the family name from birth

Rosaofthevalley · 25/12/2022 05:06

lunar1 · 24/12/2022 14:50

Your surname if you aren't married, but don't change it as it will be a pain for her. He can either swap to yours if you marry or just have a different name.

If he wanted your baby to have his name I'd get married before she arrives.

It’s really easy to change

Tropicaliyes · 25/12/2022 05:40

That’s weird. My sister and I have our fathers name, our parents were not married and our dad had no role in our upbringing. As we knew it, back in the 80’s 90’s everyone around us also had their fathers name regardless of marriage or fathers presence. Even my mother and all her sisters have their dads surname and again my grandparents were not married and come to think of it I’m sure my dads and all his sisters have their dads name and again my paternal Nan and granddad were never married. So it seems very strange people think this is a “new” thing as in our case it went back to our grandparents and even they (my maternal grandma was born in the 30’s) had her dads surname with her full siblings and again their parents wasn’t married either🤔.

It was only as my sister and I got to teenagers we started to hate how we had our dads surname instead of our mothers and when my sister had her daughter pretty early on she decided she would have both her name and her baby dads name ( her name came first though). I even contemplate right now what surname I will give my baby in a few months when they are born.. I don’t plan to get married but at the same time I still have my hated fathers surname, so considered making a whole new surname up and choosing that and making it my surname also and then double barrel it with my partner.

meditrina · 25/12/2022 06:53

Yes, it did start to change in the 80s, it really is that recent.

I think the traditional way has proved better tbh