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Any suggestions for my baby's surname please?
imoscarsmum · 01/02/2008 14:51
Hope someone can help. DP and I are expecting and we are not married. We are married in every other sense - ie it's a full partnership and fully committed etc. baby's surname is going to be a problem though. He wants it to have his surname but I'm not happy with that, but my surname might not be a good idea either, as I am divorced and have never bothered to change my name back to my maiden name, so still use my ex-hubby's surname. Has never bothered me before, but now we're a bit stuck as dp does not want baby to have my ex's surname (understandably). I think we will get married one day but it's just not high on my list of things to do.
Help or thoughts anyone?
Twinklemegan · 01/02/2008 14:56
Why aren't you happy with the child having your DP's name? This happened to my DH in his first relationship and his children ended up having his then partner's ex's surname. That was always a problem for him, and I can completely understand why. Ironically the ex is now no longer an ex.
witchandchips · 01/02/2008 14:59
i would flip a coin gamble on the sex or something between your birth name and the name of your dp. If your birth name won then i would go about changing your name in cases where it was not official. lots of people retain two names - one for work and one for documents etc.
imoscarsmum · 01/02/2008 15:55
Thanks for all the messages - I agree i don't want to use ex-hubby name. I'm worried about his cos then it'll be the 2 of them with one surname and me with another. I don't like the idea of collecting a child from school, say, and I'm his/her mum but we don't share the same surname. It just feels strange considering I'm going to give birth to him or her. DP's surname is OKish but wouldn't go with my maiden name.
Long way to go yet, so time to ponder....comments have made me think a bit.
Chunkamatic · 01/02/2008 18:04
I wouldnt be too worried about the at the school gates scenario - its 2008 and lots and lots of people are having children before they are married and so end up with different surnames to their kids. However, if you think it would bother you personally then you could look in to getting your surname changed?
NoviceKnitter · 01/02/2008 18:46
What about getting married? If you think you will anyway? I know just where you're coming from. When pg I thought i was happy for LO to have DP's name. Never crossed my mind i would find it odd or difficult. But I do. Like you I don't want to be the odd one out. DD has my surname as a middle name and I have considered changing her to double barrel, but not keen on that and anyway, then we'd ALL be different. We've never thought we were the marrying type although like you we're all but married. But part of me now just wants us to be a family in name -sharing one name. It's really tricky. Good luck with finding the right answer for you.
MarmiteMe · 01/02/2008 18:51
I wasn't married when I had DD (had never been married) but I insisted she had my name. He was OK with it and I'm glad I insisted as we split up soon after.
Anyway, I'm not saying that will happen to you but if I were you, I'd go back to using your maiden name now, give the baby that as a surname and then later, when you do marry you can change both your names and have it put on the birth certificate
MesaLoca · 01/02/2008 18:52
Don't go with DPs surname if you are unhappy with it. i agree with you on that and think it is illogical to give a child the father's name as it is usually the mother that the child lives with if the father leaves (excuse the doom and gloom here). You having your old husbands name makes it a bit more difficult though doesn't it. I think that if I were in your shoes I would revert to your maiden name and use it hyphenated.
My DD has a hyphenated surname which sounds a bit clunky really but we couldn't see any way round it.
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