Known as name

[Bakez66]

We've called our daughter Jessica but she's ended up with her nickname being Bella, she liked another girl called Bella, her brother called her Bella and it's kind of stuck with her , she tells everyone her names Bella we ended up going along with it rightly or wrongly. Question is do I change her name by deed poll or hold off until she's a bit older to make sure she's still happy with it (I'm thinking the second option) or do Jessica Bella so she can use either? I'm a little hesitant with it all as I know you can only change it once.

Don’t change it. At the moment it’s just a nickname, she may change it again at some point. If she wants to formally change it as an adult that’s a choice she can make herself then.

My kids all have nicknames we use, they still have their given names and know what they are. I’ve no intention of changing their names

Would you let preschool know she's known as Bella?

yes

Definitely

What happens when her new friend's name becomes her nn? Change it again?
What about Bella at home and her actual name at school?

Seriously??? How weird. Use her given name. I would not entertain this.

She's 3. Call her Jessica, she'll get used to it in days.

Did you lose your other thread? Here

I think it’s fine and not unusual!

I mean I personally wouldn’t. At this preschool age their identity is confusing to them. It’s at this age that they begin to understand they have similarities and differences from others. It’s our job as parents to help them navigate that. No, Tyler is a boy but you are a girl. Yes, Amy has brown skin but you have white skin. Yes, you and Harry both have red hair. No, Bella is your friend - you’re not Bella, you’re Jessica!

Shortening her name to something like Jessie is part of her identity - telling people she’s called Bella when her name is Jessica is just confusing, and if everyone in her life is now calling her Bella she’ll start to see that as her name.

There is no reason why she can't be known as her nickname. You can call your child whatever you want and ask school / nursery to do likewise. I've met plenty of 'my name is Mary but everyone calls me Pen's in my time. No-one was the slightest bit bothered.

From your thread this morning, if Bella is part of a middle name, being called Bella is fine.

If Bella is really what she wants to be called because that's what her friend was called, it's a bit contrived, and likely to change as she finds new friends. I'd think carefully in this case about getting Bella as a pregered name in (pre) school.

It's something that's been going on for over a year now and she hasn't mentioned any other child's name, only Bella which is why we are considering changing it to stop the confusion. It's confused me too! I've not had this with my other children. I had to take her to the hospital and the lady said hello Jessica and she said Bella, so it's just got to the point where we are considering changing it officially because that's what she wants to be called 🤷🏼‍♀️

This she's 3!!

God help you when she's 13 if you pander to her this much at 3

It sounds to me after reading both of your threads that you have called your daughter Jessica but you wish she was called Bella.

So change her name to Bella.

Fucking about like this, saying it's her middle name but not legally and she wanted to be called Bella because she had a friend called Bella is not doing your daughter any favours at all. You are giving her the message that her name, Jessica, isn't as good as Bella.

The whole situation is weird. You are trying to put it forward that it's all your daughter's doing but she is a very, very young child.

From your thread this morning, if Bella is part of a middle name, being called Bella is fine.

It's not legally her middle name. So it's not her middle name at all!

This is what I got from it. Bella is the preferred name, and mum has encouraged it. I mean what would you do if she said ‘no it’s Doris?’ Or ‘no I’m John.’ You’d right away correct her and say ‘haha she’s Jessica.’ But for some reason you encouraged her to think her name was Bella (because you prefer Bella). It’s a bit odd. Just remind her that she isn’t Bella, she’s Jessica. Which is, by the way, a beautiful name.

Also not sure how it’s her middle name but ‘not legally.’ So it’s just not, then?

I actually prefer Jessica to Bella but that's not really the point. We don't mind the name Bella so when it started being used we should of corrected it and that's where it went wrong! I know it's not the norm and I've heard of people changing their child's name at 2,3 and 4 and thought really? How confusing for the child and that was actually worse as they just picked a completely different name which they've never been called before but the child got used to it. I never thought I would be in this situation at all

If your dd knows herself as Bella, her friends call her Bella and you like Bella, so d definitely change it by deed poll to Bella.

If she wants to be known as Bella just tell the preschool that. That's completely fine and I'm sure they'll have had stranger scenarios than this. I wouldn't worry yourself. If she wants to be Jessica when she's 10 or whatever then she can be. No big deal at all.

Theres that instagrammer called Izzy Judd who's real name is something totally different (Bridget or something) but her brother just randomly called her Izzy when she was a baby / toddler and it just stuck. I've heard lots of stories like that.

If you named her Jessica then you need to call her Jessica and tell the school she's Jessica.

What if she gets fixated on another name in the next year? Do you all pander to that too and drop the Bella business?

She is three. You and her dad are the adults here.

Get her a doll named Bella.

Funnily enough she already has one she calls 'baby Bella!'

Maybe if she was 13, but she’s not… she’s in pre-school! I would correct her and say “no, you’re Jessica, you silly Billy! Bella is your friend.” (Obviously in a light hearted way). I wouldn’t have entertained this. She will fall out with her friend Bella and then make friends with Ava. Then she’ll demand to be known as Ava and so on.

Speaking as someone whose NN has been Bella since I was born but my actual name is completely different think 'Mary' I'm now 30 and my parents never had my name changed. Always in school or medical or anything outside of home I was Mary regardless of what I as a child thought as I grew I knew Bella was a nn only used by close friends/family and I loved that thought... As a small child apparently I did argue with my mum when being introduced etc but she always corrected me and it wasn't long before it wasn't even an issue.... definitely don't change the name just keep correcting your daughter (gently) and use the NN at home