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Baby’s last name?!

102 replies

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 19:13

So me and my boyfriend are currently trying for a baby. We aren’t married and don’t plan on it any time soon, we would just rather spend our money on other things!
My problem is the future baby’s last name. I would be happy for the baby to have his last name although I really would like to have the same last name as my child so not sure how to get around it. As far as double barrelling, our last names are both two syllables but they just don’t sound right together! Would love to hear what other people have done!

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KirstenBlest · 01/06/2022 20:27

What would happen if he could not work? Or if you couldn't work?

Awrite · 01/06/2022 20:28

Your name.

50+% of marriages end in divorce. I would imagine the number of splits between non marrieds is even higher.

As a teacher you must see this.

Certainly by secondary school.

I have lost count of the number of children who would like to change from father's to mother's name.

It's so obvious, yet people make decisions in a haze of hormones and ingrained societal pressure.

AnotherEmma · 01/06/2022 20:28

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 20:26

The names are Byatt and Downing, I just can’t see them sounding right but maybe it will grow on me!

Both nice names. I think Byatt-Downing sounds quite good. My children have two surnames and it sounded weird at first but you get used to it.

i can't think of a clear way to blend those names but maybe someone else will!

AnotherEmma · 01/06/2022 20:30

a clear clever way

KirstenBlest · 01/06/2022 20:33

Nicole Wyatt Browning or Nicole Browning Wyatt sound fine. I wouldn't double barrell.
Your name goes last and the other surname a middle nmae.

If you and DP split up in the future and you both have more DC with different partners, you could end up not having the same name as any of your DC, while your by then XP would have the same name as all his DC

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 20:55

Why wouldn’t we be able to work?

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Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 20:58

I get what you mean, how have you got to Browning and Wyatt? Linking the two names?

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Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 21:00

I understand that people split up yes, I guess people assume that the baby will take the dads name when that is not always the case.

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ScootsMcHoy · 01/06/2022 21:08

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 20:55

Why wouldn’t we be able to work?

If he gets injured. If he loses his driving licence. If he gets depressed. If his mother needs help and he has to look after her. If he can't get any work. If he makes a mistake at work and loses his licence or whatever scaffolders need. If the baby needs more care than expected.

I think your names sound fine together. However, I'd still give the baby your name as you aren't married.

Twizbe · 01/06/2022 21:16

I like Byatt-Downing.

FWIW we have a double barrelled surname and it's fine. No issues with it in day to day life.

Friends of mine weren't keen to get married until they had their daughter, then they realised how much better legally it was to be married. They've compromised on being married by having a civil partnership though as that fits more with their views.

It's also worth your partner knowing that 1) he needs to be present at the registration 2) if you die, he is not the child's automatic guardian.

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 21:19

I don’t understand how that is relevant? There are many things to take into consideration when having a baby obviously and we wouldn’t be doing it if we hadn’t thought of those things so thank you for your concern but that is not the point of my post.

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Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 21:19

Thank you that’s helpful. I hadn’t thought about a civil partnership before.

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EileenGC · 01/06/2022 21:19

I come from Spain where everyone has two surnames - one from each parent. It's been done for centuries and nobody even thinks whether they go together or not. Give the baby both surnames and it'll sound fine because it'll be their name. (Oh, and do get married too, even if you don't change your name.)

Oizys · 01/06/2022 21:23

Your name every single time. Biggest regret I have is that I gave ds1 his dads name. We were engaged and we split before we got married.

Twizbe · 01/06/2022 21:25

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 21:19

Thank you that’s helpful. I hadn’t thought about a civil partnership before.

I'm not sure if they've done it or not yet. She told us they were planning to do it but got the sense that it would be behind closed doors and just for the legal paperwork.

Also worth knowing that if you marry in the future you should re register the baby as well.
Tbh save yourself a lot of future paperwork by getting married / civil partnered first.

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 21:26

Thanks!

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Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 21:27

Thank you, I just didn’t want it to seem as though we’re only getting married for the sake of a baby I guess!

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Twizbe · 01/06/2022 21:32

People marry for lots of reasons. Marriage isn't actually a romantic thing at all. It's a legal agreement between two people. I've known couples marry because they had kids, I've known couples marry for visas, I've known couples who've married just because.

All are great reasons to sign that green form.

SunsetOverEasterIsland · 01/06/2022 21:33

Byatt-Downing sounds absolutely fine. I work in a job where I see the names of hundreds of children currently in primary school, a lot with double-barrelled surnames which certainly don't roll off the tongue as easily as your child's would.

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 21:34

True I guess!

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ScootsMcHoy · 01/06/2022 21:35

I don’t understand how that is relevant? There are many things to take into consideration when having a baby obviously and we wouldn’t be doing it if we hadn’t thought of those things so thank you for your concern but that is not the point of my post.

You asked, that's why. You literally said 'why wouldn't we be able to work?'

With a question mark and everything.

whywhywhy5 · 01/06/2022 21:36

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 20:26

The names are Byatt and Downing, I just can’t see them sounding right but maybe it will grow on me!

I think these sound absolutely lovely together. Truly gorgeous.

We've given ours an horrendous mouthful of a double barrelled (we're married with different names). But it was the principle of the thing!

AdoraBell · 01/06/2022 21:44

Your name.

Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 21:44

I did, but my point stands I still don’t understand how that was relevant in the first place.

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Nicole2399 · 01/06/2022 21:45

Haha thank you, that makes me feel a bit better about it!

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