Changing baby's name

[TulipPeony1]

Hello I have a 7 month old son which we thought we had named a unisex name as we liked it for a girl and for a boy. It turns out since naming him and introducing him to the world that no one has heard of a boy called this name and I have had so many comments from people assuming he's a girl. I am really gutted as it was the only name that me and my husband could agree on and I am really concerned that our son will have issues with this his whole life. I really wish we had named him something else, although I don't know what that would have been. I think about it constantly and hate introducing him by name to people now because I just anticipate their reaction. I have had it in baby group where the teacher called him "she" during one of the songs and I had to correct her. She said that she'd never heard of a boy called that before so thought he was a girl even though he was dressed in what would be described as 'boy clothes'. I've had people think he's a boy and ask "what's his name?" then when I answer they say "oh she's a girl" nope! It's really disappointing and I hate that it's being spoken about. My mum had issues at the hairdressers when another person overheard her talking and commented that it was a girl's name. It just feels like everywhere and I'm really upset that he will bear the brunt of this. I don't know what I want people on here to say really. I'm reluctant to say his name seen as no boy ever seems to have been called this before it would be completely obvious, but I just wanted to see if others would feel the same in my shoes and what you would do.

Thank you

Just tell us the name!!!!

Sorry to hear you had the same feelings over your son's name. It is really difficult when you decide on a name and the reactions of others can really get to you. I would never do that to someone so I really wasn't expecting it. How do you feel about the name now?

Can you make a nick name from it?

Is it likely to mean he gets bullied?

My kids have Chinese names (heritage) and it's caused so many probs, but both of them like their names, so I'm OK with that.

@Keha Sorry that you've had doubt about your own surname, what a strange thing for someone to point out. I can't even imagine what it would be and why they would say anything (alcohol does funny things to people!). I know kids get bullied for all different things, it's sad but true.

If you love the name I'd just own it. I love Hilary for a boy, I'd love to meet a baby boy Hilary for example.

If it's any consolation at all, multiple people have assumed my DD is a boy even though I mostly dress her in frilly dresses. And her name is not unisex. I don't know what these people were thinking.

Your child is the one who will have to carry the name. I wish I'd changed mine when I was old enough but by the time I realised I could I had my professional qualifications.

I agree with @HitsAndMrs, don't change it. You and your DH chose YOUR babies name, it doesn't matter if anyone else likes/dislikes the name. If your both happy with the name I'd leave it
My DD also has a 'unisex' name but more commonly used as a boys name, she's often referred to as a he, however I just laugh and says he's actually a she

I'd change it.

It might be difficult for others while he's a baby, but once he grows up I'd assume he'll fairly obviously look and sound like a boy. I don't see any reason to change his name

I agree. I think you should confidently own your decision.

Just tell us the name.

it’s so frustrating when people have threads on baby names and don’t actually say what it is.

I appreciate it could be frustrating for some not to know the name, however it is my personal choice not to want the focus to be on the name itself. I do not feel able to open myself up to more discussion on the specific name.

I would rather the discussion focus on the issue of having a unisex name which is predominantly female and the impact of this. I personally feel this makes the thread more accessible to others as this is not name specific.

Thank you for your understanding.

If you are saying that it’s predominantly a female name I would change it. Most of the examples I’ve seen on this thread are clearly unisex but I don’t get that impression from your posts that this is the case with your babies name.

I would ignore my own feelings on the name at this point and focus on how you think your child would cope with the constant questions on why he has a girls name as this will happen as children are blunt and people are rude. I don’t really agree with people saying own your decision as this decision doesn’t really effect you but will effect your child for the rest of his life.

@ineedafairygodmother and @pinklavenders Thank you! 😊

@TruffleShuffles Thanks for your thoughts, it is useful to reflect on.

We really struggled to find this name so do not have any others that suit him more. Plus we know him as his name so we are finding it quite a strange task to try and rename someone. Especially as the reason is due to other people's opinions not our own so it feels forced. I think that is where the own your decision comments are coming from and the examples of other predominantly female names that can and have been used by males or vice versa.

It is a very difficult decision and not a situation I ever imagined being in. I agree, he is the one that has to live with it which is why I am questioning whether we should try and think of something else. I also know that children are bullied/teased/picked on about lots of different things and we could choose another name and people may have a different issue with that.

I knew a girl with Russian parents who called her son Sasha (diminutive of Alexander in Russia). We pointed out that Sasha tends to be a girl's name in the U.K.

I think that if it’s along the lines of Harper/Cassidy/Darcy then it’s probably going to be problematic for him and I’d consider changing it.

For more obvious unisex names - Alex, Charlie. Ashley then I would never assume the sex as they are quite obviously unisex names.

I went to school with a Lee (f) and she was forever being put in the boys PE classes etc. because they’d chosen the male spelling. That was bad enough. Obviously Leigh/Lee is fine when you say it but she was always assumed to be a boy on paper.

I haven't read the whole thread but it's honestly hard to judge without knowing the name. Some names are "technically" unisex but are basically only used for girls anymore in this country. Dana for example is a unisex name in America but I've only heard of girls with that name in the UK. If the name you chose is one of those, then yes, I would consider changing it. Have you checked how many boys vs girls are given the name each year in England (or wherever else you live)? But things like people asking why he's dressed in boy's clothes will stop when he's older, clearly looks like a boy and can speak to for himself.

I also know that children are bullied/teased/picked on about lots of different things and we could choose another name and people may have a different issue with that.

Yes. Most kids are pretty open minded about different names. If bullies decide to bully another child, they'll find a reason and it's rarely the name!

The only boy I've ever seen teased about his name was a William who got called Willy in primary school.

I cant believe I came all this way and still don't know his name 🤦‍♀️

Lindsay, Beverley, Skye? Did you know John Wayne's real name was Marion? Couldn't help but think of the song 'A Boy Named Sue' by Johnny Cash. Could you call him a shortened version or derivative of the name.

My friend called her son Madison.
I went to school with boys called Stacey, Kelly and Courtney.
I worked with a woman who had a son called Jayde.
Anything goes.

I know an male Eden pronounced
Eh-den rather than ee-den.
Is there a pronunciation change you could make or is it literally the same name?
I would change it honestly, your son shouldn't need to start off life with constantly explaining himself or possibly even being made fun of. Kids are cruel, and adults are worse.

I think the best thing to do in this situation is to add a middle name or two to the bc and then if his first name causes him embarrassment when he’s older, he can change it. Therefore you’re keeping the original name you both chose for him and giving him options too.

Hi there,

I absolutely love names that can be either gender. Especially in today’s environment where gender and gender roles are no longer considered to be so, “black & white”.

In my experience kids grow into their names so well you can’t imagine them as anything else.

In the late 90s it became quite the trend in this part of the world to give girls names traditionally for a boy, and the names have majorly evolved over time.

This I’m sure will be the same, what may be less common than you think now - will be “trendy” later.

I know your situation is the reverse of what I have described, but it’s progressive and it really doesn’t matter in todays world, no matter how many granny’s at the hair salon give a sideways look - they’re the older generations and the minority these days.

My sister’s name “Evelyn” was originally a boys name, not that anyone would remember that now. Whereas my son “Jordan” I had people assuming he was a girl because there are so many female Jordan’s. He was nearly named Brooklyn, but now I have a niece named Brooklyn.

I simply use words like “my son Jordan”.

There are people out their that name their kids after some pretty unique things, like in my sons school class we have names like “Legacy” and “Beautiful”.

I’ve had friends named Kelly/Keli of both genders and Casey girl’s and Casey boys. Once you know a person their name is just their name.

I hope you’re not discouraged. I think it’s wonderful.

We live in 2022, where people can be or identify with whatever they like, so you could almost argue that giving a name has no gender at all and therefore their argument about it being a girls name is entirely a moot point.

Stay Strong Mumma xx all the way from New Zealand 🇳🇿.

If the name would cause your son embarrassment or bullying I would change it .