Changing baby's name

[TulipPeony1]

Hello I have a 7 month old son which we thought we had named a unisex name as we liked it for a girl and for a boy. It turns out since naming him and introducing him to the world that no one has heard of a boy called this name and I have had so many comments from people assuming he's a girl. I am really gutted as it was the only name that me and my husband could agree on and I am really concerned that our son will have issues with this his whole life. I really wish we had named him something else, although I don't know what that would have been. I think about it constantly and hate introducing him by name to people now because I just anticipate their reaction. I have had it in baby group where the teacher called him "she" during one of the songs and I had to correct her. She said that she'd never heard of a boy called that before so thought he was a girl even though he was dressed in what would be described as 'boy clothes'. I've had people think he's a boy and ask "what's his name?" then when I answer they say "oh she's a girl" nope! It's really disappointing and I hate that it's being spoken about. My mum had issues at the hairdressers when another person overheard her talking and commented that it was a girl's name. It just feels like everywhere and I'm really upset that he will bear the brunt of this. I don't know what I want people on here to say really. I'm reluctant to say his name seen as no boy ever seems to have been called this before it would be completely obvious, but I just wanted to see if others would feel the same in my shoes and what you would do.

Thank you

My girl gets called a boy on regular basis. Think it's partly just this age group.

I think you should just own it. Your child might appreciate having an unusual name when their older. I still love having my unique name even with the mispronunciations!

I agree. Your son will own the name! Be confident about your choice.

I'm desperate to know the name now. I'm intrigued and don't think it will be that bad as he grows and travels about. I've known a male Kim and he carried it really well and never got any stick.

I'm sorry people have upset you with their comments, it's a horrible feeling and you'd think they would have more sense to say that to a new mum.

See, I’d see that as a good thing. There’s enough Ollies, Harrys, Jacks and Hugos… you both loved the name. Who gives a shit what other people think? My son has an old name and there were ten children with the name when he was born. I think that’s awesome. It is unusual and people struggle with it, but I intend to empower my son to know how to deal with people who might be weird about it. 💪🏻

P.S. Is anyone else now addicted to Darkgreener and looking to see how many babies were called Malcolm and Adolf?

Did you have another thread where you revealed the name ? I won't say it, but this seems familiar circumstances. The options give me then we're change the name slightly or keep it as it is because it is a boys name too.

To be honest some of the babies I meet have ridiculous names, cities, things like leaf and animals like Fox and Bear. I have no idea what sex they are initially. An old friend got back in touch and told me she has child called Frankie. Is that a boy or a girl I have no idea ? I'm leaning towards boy, but I'm unsure.

My sons all have unisex names but my youngest especially often gets mistaken for a girl when people hear it (he’s only a baby so looks pretty neutral). I really love the name, but only for a boy. It has a totally different feel for a girl.

Do you still like the name in theory? I love my son’s and would never change it but if all of this has put you off it’s not too late at 7 months to make a change. But you do need to have a very clear alternative that you feel suits him, and it doesn’t sound like you do.

Wonder if we chose the same name! Does it begin with S? (no not Sky!)

It never did Kelly Jones of the Stereophonics any harm.

The goalkeeper Allison has a brother called Muriel. It can be a male name too.

I think that people tend to “own” their names as they get older.

I'm assuming it's something like Aubrey, traditionally Male but currently used more for girls.

If it's bothering you this much I'd just change it, before it gets too tricky with school etc

Can't really comment without knowing the name - even if someone recognises you why does it matter from this post?

I think you should just own it, and maybe if you want to think of a friendly light explanation to just nip it in the bud. If it's a unisex name that is now more used by girls like Hilary or Lesley then you can say "oh actually he's a boy - fewer boys called that now isn't there"

If it's a modern name that is unisex in theory but more often used by girls like Storm or River, "he's a boy, love how nature names work for both boys and girls!"

If it's a male name that now is used by girls more like Taylor or Frankie, "he's a boy, like the Taylor's of old!"

If it's unisex in a different culture, like maybe you have a boy Kerry and you're in England, "he's a boy, in Irish it's a boys name too"

People are being rude though, you meet girls called everything. Does he have a middle name? He can use that if it bothers him when he's older.

Hey - I know two men called Lyndsay which is traditionally a girls name. I also know a man called Stacey. They haven't had any issues. A mum in my baby group has a boy called Eden and whilst I did assume he was a girl at first based on the name that's only because when babies are young they don't look like boys or girls just babies. I wouldn't worry. Own it and politely correct anyone who assumes the wrong gender.

Thank you! I agree I think it is a good thing to be different and unique which is what I liked about the name. I guess now he's here I just have the overwhelming maternal instinct to protect him and if this is something that could be a problem I would hate that.

It might be difficult for others while he's a baby, but once he grows up I'd assume he'll fairly obviously look and sound like a boy. I don't see any reason to change his name if, indeed, it is a male name, and you love it.

i dressed my daughter in fairly boyish clothes as a baby. Leggings and jeggings. Even if she was in a pink top people would frequently see denim and presume she was a boy. Or give boy targeted compliments. As she grew and clearly started looking and dressing 'like a girl' the comments stopped.

I also spent a week working in a class with a child called Sky. They had beautiful blonde curls. I couldn't work out at all if he/she was a boy or a girl. Eventually I checked the register and found he was indeed a boy.

i find most people are quick to assume and have quite definite ideas of how they expect children to conform. I guess it depends how much you like to challenge the norms now. I think most names will get easier for your son as he gets older.

I had a male friend called Lindsey at school ( 90s)
He literally dropped off the face of the planet and apparently changed his name to an ultra masculine name.
We grew up in quite a nice area, and he was quite quiet- i dont recall him getting teased but i guess he must have?

saying that, its not like children dont have unusual names or bizzare spellings or just completely made up names ,nowadays is it?

I know male and female Rowans and Dylans

OP, I'm a bit worried that my DC's surname (double barrelled) is something that rhymes with a somewhat rude/embarrassing phrase. I didn't think if it at the time but it's also my surname now and someone (an adult, who was drunk), laughed about it. I've considered changing it, but I've decided not to as there will be other kids with slightly odd names, kids bully each other over whatever they can find, it's not actually offensive, and I hope my DC will be confident enough that they can deal with it if anyone does say anything. After all there is a very good reason why they have that name. So, if you like that name and you choose it for a reason I think it would be a shame to change it

*and robins/yns

This is great advice, thank you 😊

He doesn't have a middle name, we struggled just to agree on this name. We both work in schools and have known so many children that it was difficult to find a name we both liked!

Stop with the angst. [and repeat threads if there are any]
Option 1 Agree with partner to change name
Option 2 Add a middle name
Option 3 Accept what you have called him.

Similar situation. My 2 year old has a name that sounds exactly the same as a female name (spelling is boy version though). I used to get looks and confusion that he was a girl and we considered changing it but he was past 1 years old at that point so it was too much headache. It really got me down though. Part of me regrets my choice but the name suits him well and once you get over the initial peoples reactions, the people who see him all the time such as family, friends nursery etc won’t bat an eyelid after first hearing it

@Hallyup89 True thank you, I guess as a baby it is different and as he gets older he will clearly be a boy so hopefully the confusion will stop.

Don't change his name OP, he will clearly be a boy as he gets older.

@Justyouwaitandseeagain People are so odd with their assumptions aren't they! I do like to challenge the norms and so if I lead by that example hopefully he will be okay with it too. Thank you!

@lightand Angst is definitely the word for it! I don't have any repeat threads. Although it is interesting that this sounds familiar to others so I'm not alone! Thanks for laying it out clearly 👍