Is this a really terrible idea for a middle name??

[Shouldhavereadtheinstructions]

Since we had DS1 we always said that if DC2 was a girl then her middle name would be my grandma's name. She is a truly amazing woman and we would both love to do this in her honour. But of course.... We are now expecting a boy!

We have thought of alternatives and even went so far as asking my grandma if she had any favourite boys names she would choose e.g. that my grandad hadn't liked 😂but I just keep coming back to really wanting her actual name to live on. DS2 is likely to be her last great grandchild (and obviously I can't tell anyone else what to name their kid!).

Would it be truly terrible to give DS her name as a middle name anyway? It's not a super 'girly' name as she goes by a nickname. E.g. think El rather than Eleanor or Kat rather than Katherine. On the one hand I think it's be wonderful to be named after such an amazing person and for his middle name to have a story. And it's very easy not to share your middle name widely if he is anxious in certain contexts. But is he just going to get awfully teased? Does that even matter as kids will always find something to tease about??

What do you think? Does anyone have any similar experiences?

I wouldn't.
It's not that bad, but does a boy really want to be named after his great granny?
I am suprised your grandmother wants you to do this.

My grandfather was named after his aunt - i.e. a girl's name. We used my grandfather's name as my DS's middle name. DS is now a teenager and not bothered by it, and has never been an issue. DS has never been teased about his middle name, though he has occasionally had some mild teasing about his very ordinary first name.

A lot of my family members have had unusual middle names, and in my experience, people very rarely get teased about their middle names.

A middle name for a child is hardly using them as a billboard 😂 He doesn’t even need to use it! I’m totally with you if it’s something like Loki-Sherlock for a first name. Embarrassing and about you rather than a child. But for a middle name that they’ll never use? Who really cares?

But then why do it at all? I just don't get it. But then I also don't get the suggestions on this thread about calling the child Neil or Llen or Gnell or pretending Nell is a surname (why name a kid after someone and then hide that you're doing it?), so perhaps this stuff just isn't for me 😄

Yeah that's an interesting way of looking at it. Maybe I'm coming at it from a funny angle as I don't have a middle name so I don't know what it's like. Based on that I actually asked a lot of my friends who had middle names how they felt about theirs before we had DS1 and the results were pretty consistent that those who just had a 'random' name that might sound good with their first name or was their parents' second choice name were either ambivalent about it or didn't really like it, whereas those whose middle name had a bit more of a meaning or story really liked it and felt proud of it. So I guess that's where I was coming from but as you say it's personal taste and will feel different for everyone.

I personally don't agree with your distinction between saying something 'for' v.s. 'about'. What's the difference between a name saying something 'about' you i.e. that you love Marvel movies v.s. 'for' you i.e. that the character of Loki speaks to important human complexities that we must be aware of as we move through the world?

But this is all super helpful in forcing me to examine why I'm moved to do this and whether it's the right choice, so thank you!

If my DGD wanted to give her son my name as a middle name, I'd say 'please don't'. The thought of him being teased for it would take any pleasure out of the gesture, for me.

Sorry OP, but I really wouldn't do this unless your DGM is consulted first.

Well why use any middle name at all? In fact why use any name? Why paint your front door green? Why wear branded shoes or eat donuts or do anything?

Lots of good reasons to do those things. What I don't get is naming a child in honour of another person and then justifying by saying no one will ever know because middle names don't matter or people will assume it's a different name. More like "why paint your front door green then immediately paint it blue and pretend you never painted it green at all?"

What's the difference between a name saying something 'about' you i.e. that you love Marvel movies v.s. 'for' you i.e. that the character of Loki speaks to important human complexities that we must be aware of as we move through the world?

@Shouldhavereadtheinstructions The distinction I was trying to draw was between the fact a parent's choice of name inevitably says something about that parent (so you'll make different assumptions about me based on whether I call my child Charlotte or Chardonnay), and the act of choosing a name to make a deliberate statement, like calling your child Che Guevara Smith. In the former case, you can't help the fact that your choices communicate something to the world; in the latter, the whole point is to communicate something to the world. I'm glad you don't mind me questioning the idea- obviously lots of people do name their children after other people and it's completely fine, just not my bag.

Granny's Nell's maiden name is more a commemoration of her father than her, surely?

I think Nell would work well as a middle name, and you are right, it's not at all unusual to honour a relative whether alive or deceased by using their name for a child.

I think Nell is perfectly fine to use.

No. Why would it be, unless you think men own all the names? It's her name, just as much as her fathers or anyone elses.

It's a bizarre attitude, oh its not her name, its her fathers. Well where do you think her father got if from?

If it was me I'd go for an alternative. Neil or Nelson are good ideas. Nelson works particularly well (Nell's (grand) son), but I prefer the sound of Neil tbh.

Personally I gave my sons middle names that I liked but didn't have any special meaning, I hope they won't hate them ! My eldest's middle name was inspired by GoT though so maybe he'll think it's cool (no need to call child services on me 😅 it's also a normal name and quite a common one, it's not Khaleesi or Jaehaerys !)

I think it’s a terrible idea

Was really hoping there was a toddler called Khal-Drogo running round a playgroup somewhere just terrorising everyone 😂 I actually do know a child named Kaleesi (spelled like that) so it’s not that far fetched!

For some reason I think I like Nelson better than Neil.

I'm sorry, but you really can't give your son "Nell" as a middle name. You are being ridiculous. It is a girl's name, and it's got slightly popular in the last 10 years.

Give a similar sounding name like Neil or Nelson, or her maiden name, if you want to honor her.