Is this a really terrible idea for a middle name??

[Shouldhavereadtheinstructions]

Since we had DS1 we always said that if DC2 was a girl then her middle name would be my grandma's name. She is a truly amazing woman and we would both love to do this in her honour. But of course.... We are now expecting a boy!

We have thought of alternatives and even went so far as asking my grandma if she had any favourite boys names she would choose e.g. that my grandad hadn't liked 😂but I just keep coming back to really wanting her actual name to live on. DS2 is likely to be her last great grandchild (and obviously I can't tell anyone else what to name their kid!).

Would it be truly terrible to give DS her name as a middle name anyway? It's not a super 'girly' name as she goes by a nickname. E.g. think El rather than Eleanor or Kat rather than Katherine. On the one hand I think it's be wonderful to be named after such an amazing person and for his middle name to have a story. And it's very easy not to share your middle name widely if he is anxious in certain contexts. But is he just going to get awfully teased? Does that even matter as kids will always find something to tease about??

What do you think? Does anyone have any similar experiences?

Just say the name, it's not going to out you. And her middle name.
People can then come up with useful suggestions.

Obviously no one can give you useful advice without knowing what the name is! But to add, not using your grandmother’s name doesn’t mean you love her any less. She can still provide inspiration to your child’s life without them sharing a name.

One of my male housemates at uni had the middle name Barbara - we only found out when the vicar read it out at his wedding, we'd known him really well for years at that point.
Apparently it can be a boys name but he denied having a middle name up to that point so you can see how much he liked it.

It depends on the name.

I think the problem is that if he ends up a happy, popular, confident kid, this might be fine, but if he’s less confident this might be one more thing that makes him miserable, and he will blame you!. Like some of the names you see suggested on here, they might only work for particular personalities.

And if you need any further convincing, watch the episode where they find out Chandler’s middle name is Muriel.

Ugh, what a pointless thread. Whatever the mysterious name is, would a boy want it as a middle name? Would his peers like it?

All I can think of is Chandler Muriel Bing too.

Don't do it.

A boy's name with the same meaning, or a masculine version would be fine.

Hard to say without knowing the actual name 🤦‍♀️

It really depends what the name is.

Can you do the boys version of it? Or a nod to it? I had a family member with the middle name May and have thought it would be nice to do a month middle name as a nod to her.

no point to this post unless you say what the name is

If it’s a girl’s name, your son is going to hate it, and probably whinge about it. There is nothing about that situation that honours anyone.

Want to honour your grandma? Put flowers on her grave, name a star (or a hall!) after her, write a piece for the local paper about her life, she’d have loved that.

But stick yournson with a name he hates to satisfy some emotional need of yournown? No. That’s selfish.

If it’s a girl’s name, your son is going to hate it, and probably whinge about it. There is nothing about that situation that honours anyone.

Yep. You'll be devastated if he sulks about it. She will have no meaning to him at all. In named after a GM I never met. It means nothing to me at all.

Want to honour your grandma? Put flowers on her grave, name a star (or a hall!) after her, write a piece for the local paper about her life, she’d have loved that.

That might be a bit premature 😄

Oh no sorry for the mega delay - something is wrong with my MN notifications so only just seen the deafening calls to hear the name! OK ok ok maybe I was being over-cautious. The name is Nell. 😱😱😱😱😱😱

OK do your worst 😅

Thanks so much for all the other thoughts and suggestions too - I do like the idea of using her maiden name. A bit less person and her maiden name is a bit of a mouthful, combined with the last name - and he'd end up always having to spell it for people - but it could work.

Totally agree @Anapurna222478063 it really could go in different directions depending on his personality...

There are plenty of men in Ireland with the middle name Mary.

Hmmmm
i think that might be ok- does it flow with first name?
think you’d need a longer first?
Theodore Nell Jones is better than Sam Nell jones

Nell is a bit surname like so I think it could work. It might get mistranscribed as Neil on stuff so he'd need to watch that.

What about using Nelson

I had a friend at school whose middle name was Mary...he got mercilessly teased about it for years. There was song made up about it as I remember. Kids are cruel. Why put them through it unnecessarily.

I think you could get away with Nell (just!)

How about reversing it to Lenn?

I think Nell would work depending on the first name as it's not overtly female. It also works quite nicely as a two middle name eg James Nell Alexander Smith or Edward Henry Nell Jones

I think Nell would be fine

I just think this is a terrible idea-what's the point of naming him after her if it's only ok because it might sound a bit like a surname? I just don't get it. And Nell is definitely a girl's name, which your son will know because he'll know who you've named him after.

Using her surname or maiden name might be better. But generally I think it's better to give people their own names and choose other ways to honour elderly relatives. You could change your own name to Nell?

What do you want to gain from giving him the middle name? Obviously you want to honour her but I don’t really understand and he is always going to have to say it’s a woman’s name in my family that I never met that my mum wanted to honour…🤔I just don’t see the logic I’m afraid

nell is alright actually, could be a lot worse! Love the maiden name idea though 👍