Can I use this name? Family issue! Eleanor May

[ConasAtaTu1]

Years of infertility and finally pregnant. We picked the girls name Eleanor on our honeymoon. My SIL had her 3rd girl and decided no more children. She called her child Eloise May which was a bit annoying to us at the time as May is DH mothers name and we want to use it as a second name. Things got worse then when she announced she was adding Eleanor too as it was her last chance to name a child. So my niece is Eloise May Eleanor.

Myself and DH both want to use Eleanor May - after his mum and the name we picked on our honeymoon before the shit show of infertility started back when we were hopeful and happy - and we both still love the name. but now she will likely think we just took the name from her child’s name (there will only be a year between them).

We’ve waited so long for a baby and naming the baby is important to us and I want it to be seen in the family that we picked the name ourselves not just took it off another family members name. That would tarnish it for me. But then I also want to use the name DH and I picked and both still love years later and to have the meaningful middle name too.

What should we do?

I think you should pick another name

Would you call her Eleanor May or just Eleanor day to day? If its just going to be Eleanor day to day then why not put a mother middle name between Eleanor and May so Eleanor Something May Surname. I dont think there is an issue using Eleanor as that is only the other child's second middle name so hardly anyone will ever use it.

Call her Eleanor May - they have different first names, and there’s nothing unusual about cousins sharing a middle name if it’s a family name.

I wouldn’t raise it. Just do it. If they were to have an issue they’d get over it quickly.

Congratulations btw!

Always tricky isn't it? I would use the names because you both picked them and love them. You can let it be known in the family how you chose the names on honeymoon and hopefully that would be enough by way of explanation if anyone needed one.

Agree with the pp. if it's Eleanor May and not Eleanor-May I'd use it. If anyone asks just tell them the reasons why you chose the names.

Congratulations on your PG too

I think you’ll get away with it. Nobody really remembers middle names, especially a second name, other than the parents. Your SIL might raise an eyebrow, but in reality they’ll simply be Eloise and Eleanor.

Beautiful names, I'd go for it.

Definitely call your baby the lovely name you have chosen for her.

I’d put another name in between Eleanor and May.

That said, even though I know there’s a connection for you, it does seem that everyone other girl these days has May or Grace or Rose as a middle name, or hyphenated (which I really don’t like)

Either pick another name or talk to her about it and explain the reasoning otherwise she will infer you copied her.

Would you consider other versions of Eleanor - Helena or Elena for example?

My cousin wanted to call one of their sons my name (male version), but thought they shouldn't. I wish they'd asked me as I would have been fine with it.

Mm. You could still use the name, but if there are any others you love, id consider them tbh. It won’t really matter in the grand scheme of things tho, no one really remembers middle names, least of all two middle names!
As an aside, you were being a bit unreasonable being at all annoyed that SIL used her mums name as a middle name, she has the same ‘claim’ to it as you.

I think it's fine, as the first name is different and it's not really fair to claim dibs on a family middle name

Presumably she calls her Eloise and you'd call yours Eleanor- what's the problem?

@Hellocatshome

Would you call her Eleanor May or just Eleanor day to day? If its just going to be Eleanor day to day then why not put a mother middle name between Eleanor and May so Eleanor Something May Surname. I dont think there is an issue using Eleanor as that is only the other child's second middle name so hardly anyone will ever use it.

She would just be called Eleanor - that is a good idea to put another middle name in between while still getting to use DH mothers name.

I don’t even think my niece was christened Eloise may Eleanor - I think it was Eloise May. It’s after that she announced to the family that Eleanor was being added to her name. just typical it’s the name we had picked out!

Eloise May Eleanor is quite awkward and clunky!

@MrsTimRiggins it’s not her mothers name. She is my SIL via my DBro - she has no family connection to the name yet knows it’s DH mothers name and that she has passed away so we would be likely to use it if we ever got pregnant.

Fine to use both names. Have you mentioned it to her, and did she know you always intended to use Eleanor when she used that name?

@AgathaX she didn’t know at all! Just a crappy coincidence. If she had known she wouldn’t have used it. She’s very nice. I don’t know whether to mention it or just use it. I just don’t like the idea of the birth of baby being overshadowed by her thinking we just robbed her daughters names! But maybe that means I should just say it in advance.

Surely one child will be known as eleanor and the other eloise? I cannot see an issue at all. Lots of families will have people with the same middle names and middle names tend to be family names. My ds and dn have the same Middle name as it is their grandad’s name.

[quote ConasAtaTu1]@MrsTimRiggins it’s not her mothers name. She is my SIL via my DBro - she has no family connection to the name yet knows it’s DH mothers name and that she has passed away so we would be likely to use it if we ever got pregnant.[/quote]
Ah I see! I thought SIL, husbands sister. Still, it’s a very common middle name, as mentioned above, on a par with Grace and Rose, and certainly no issue for you both to use it imo.

It will be fine. No-one uses middle names, they will have different forenames.

Use the name you want. I have cousins with the same first name never been an issue.

You could do Elinor Mae if you wanted them to look more different.

One is Eloise and one is Eleanor. I don’t see the issue tbh.