Can I use this name? Family issue! Eleanor May

[ConasAtaTu1]

Years of infertility and finally pregnant. We picked the girls name Eleanor on our honeymoon. My SIL had her 3rd girl and decided no more children. She called her child Eloise May which was a bit annoying to us at the time as May is DH mothers name and we want to use it as a second name. Things got worse then when she announced she was adding Eleanor too as it was her last chance to name a child. So my niece is Eloise May Eleanor.

Myself and DH both want to use Eleanor May - after his mum and the name we picked on our honeymoon before the shit show of infertility started back when we were hopeful and happy - and we both still love the name. but now she will likely think we just took the name from her child’s name (there will only be a year between them).

We’ve waited so long for a baby and naming the baby is important to us and I want it to be seen in the family that we picked the name ourselves not just took it off another family members name. That would tarnish it for me. But then I also want to use the name DH and I picked and both still love years later and to have the meaningful middle name too.

What should we do?

@Recipeideasplease there are of course other nice names. But for us it’s finally getting to use the name we picked 5 years ago after all we’ve been through we finally did it and the baby we dreamed about is coming. I don’t think another name will have the same meaning. The second name then is after DH mother.

Luckily we don’t do nicknames in our family. It’ll be Eleanor & Eloise no Ellie’s. Obviously their school friends could nickname them but they’ll be in different schools and have different surnames.

Eleanor is a lovely popular classic - and you could always encourage pretty "Nell" or cool "Leni" as nn's for her if wanted (if her cousin becomes known as "Ellie" first)

By all means speak to SIL about it so she knows what you are planning and it won't be a shock, though I definitely wouldn't ask permission as such - Eloise and Eleanor are very different names imo (that just happen to share the popular "El" beginning like all the Ella's and Eliana's etc out there too).

I think the "May" thing is even less of an issue - both because rarely are anyone apart from immediate family aware of middle names, plus you have a family reason for using it - but also because so many girls have the middle name May now (if it's not Rose or Grace). I bet if you asked around your future DD's nursery class (or SIL did for Eloise), there will be several other Firstname May's!

I don't think it's too big a deal, tbh I'd be more concerned about how similar Eloise and Eleanor are in the first place, rather than reusing middle names. I think I'd be annoyed if my sister/brother named their baby something so similar to what I'd named my baby just a year before.

Bear in mind that both girls may end up going by Ellie as they grow, which could be a pain for your side of the family.

Thinking of this, I'd definitely still use May (could this be a first name instead?) but try and find something other than Eleanor.

Sorry OP, cross-posted, no worries about the Ellie issue then!

[quote ConasAtaTu1]@MrsTimRiggins it’s not her mothers name. She is my SIL via my DBro - she has no family connection to the name yet knows it’s DH mothers name and that she has passed away so we would be likely to use it if we ever got pregnant.[/quote]
Really?! Your bad mouthing her because she used a name you may have used if you had ever got pregnant?

You sound very highly strung and just need to get over yourself. No one else will care what you name your child so just use whatever name you want.

I have 2 cousins from the same side of the family both called Christopher, after my grandfather. Its both of their first names and there's never been an issue.
We also reuse middle names a lot and no one bats an eyelid. Myself and my cousin both have Louise as a middle name.
Add to that
DS1s middle name is also the name of my DBro, my dad and my stepdad.
DDs name is the same as my mums.
DS2s name is similar to another Dbro, and his middle name is the same as my youngest Dbros.

It's really not an issue. Call her Eleanor May (gorgeous name by the way)

@Wnkingawalrus personally if it was the other way around and I was pregnant when her DM died I wouldn’t have used her DM name for my baby after attending the funeral a few months before out of respect for my SIL. Maybe that’s just me though.

I think another name between Eleanor and May will work very well.

Eleanor Juno May
Eleanor Frances May
Eleanor Catherine May
Eleanor Margaret May
Eleanor Violet May
Eleanor Charlotte May
Eleanor Marianne May
Eleanor Miranda May
Eleanor Daisy May

Eleanor is a lovely name, and I am in the 'nobody owns a name' camp.

The only thing I'd say in this case is that the Eleanors and Eloises I know are all known as Ellie, so that could be an issue (unless you decide at the outset that yours is going to be Ellie/Elle/Nell or some such, and make this clear right from the minute she's born).

Just seen someone posted the same thing in the gap between me writing what I wrote and pressing "post message". Ok, Ellie not an issue!

Thanks for these @Ikeameatballs I love Eleanor Violet May and it goes well with our surname.

@ConasAtaTu1 Tá mé go maith 😉
I think it's perfectly fine, but I would probably mention it to you DB & DSiL beforehand.
In a day to day basis the cousins have different names.

[quote TaTuirseOrm]@ConasAtaTu1 Tá mé go maith 😉
I think it's perfectly fine, but I would probably mention it to you DB & DSiL beforehand.
In a day to day basis the cousins have different names.[/quote]
😊😊

You definitely need to use the name you love for your baby

You've been through a lot and deserve to enjoy this time now - huge congratulations

I don't think anyone really takes much notice of middle names tbh

If you're finding it hard not to worry about your SIL then maybe just send her a text to let her know then it's off your mind then, but otherwise just forget about it if you feel you can and focus on your own soon to be family of 3 - it's a lovely name

Eleanor is a lovely name, I think you should use it.

I think it’s fine as it is. But if you wanted to add another name that could work as well.
Eleanor Lily May
Eleanor Louise May
Eleanor Violet May
(Lots of names go well.)
But if your heart is set on Eleanor May then just use it. As people have said, they will be known as
Eloise and Eleanor.

It probably won’t occur to the wider family that Eleanor is one of the other child’s middle names because after the initial birth announcement, it will rarely be used.

Two of my nieces have the same middle name (as common as May) and both cousins love this wee connection with each other. Third niece chose it as her Confirmation name.

Hope you stick with Eleanor May. It’s a beautiful name, sentimental to you both and you may regret not using it.

Almost every girl child in my family has my grandmother's name as part of their name
They will have different first names l think it's fine

I think sharing middle names is fine, especially May - it's like a woman born in the 80s having Louise as a middle name or a man born in the 50s being called John.

My mum has one sister, they're very close and each had two daughters, all close enough in age. They each used the same two middle names for their daughters, completely by accident as their memories are terrible. I was very close to the cousin who shared my middle name and passed it on to my first daughter.

I do think Eloise and Eleanor are too similar though, and I wouldn't be overly happy in your brother's shoes if my sister used such a similar way (not sure why your post is all about your SIL and not your brother tbh).