Can I use this name? Family issue! Eleanor May

[ConasAtaTu1]

Years of infertility and finally pregnant. We picked the girls name Eleanor on our honeymoon. My SIL had her 3rd girl and decided no more children. She called her child Eloise May which was a bit annoying to us at the time as May is DH mothers name and we want to use it as a second name. Things got worse then when she announced she was adding Eleanor too as it was her last chance to name a child. So my niece is Eloise May Eleanor.

Myself and DH both want to use Eleanor May - after his mum and the name we picked on our honeymoon before the shit show of infertility started back when we were hopeful and happy - and we both still love the name. but now she will likely think we just took the name from her child’s name (there will only be a year between them).

We’ve waited so long for a baby and naming the baby is important to us and I want it to be seen in the family that we picked the name ourselves not just took it off another family members name. That would tarnish it for me. But then I also want to use the name DH and I picked and both still love years later and to have the meaningful middle name too.

What should we do?

I agree with a lot of people that there shouldn't be an issue to just use those names. On a day to day basis they will be Eleanor and Eloise. The more diplomatic option would be to go for an extra middle name to make them feel more different (for your daughter's sake as much as anything so her name is more "hers" than a derivative of her cousin's) - so Eleanor X May Surname. I think a 2 syllable name would probably flow best (your combo of names is very similar to DD's).

Also I think you should mention it to them beforehand. Not in an asking permission way but just a heads up way and why it's so important to you. If they are remotely caring people they won't mind at all (I certainly wouldn't!).

PS congratulations OP!

Why not use May Eleanor? You are still using your chosen names but in a totally different way. I think that May is too pretty to keep as a second name anyway.

[quote ConasAtaTu1]@AgathaX she didn’t know at all! Just a crappy coincidence. If she had known she wouldn’t have used it. She’s very nice. I don’t know whether to mention it or just use it. I just don’t like the idea of the birth of baby being overshadowed by her thinking we just robbed her daughters names! But maybe that means I should just say it in advance.[/quote]
It's definitely more considerate to give her the heads up, and then you have no worries that she will think you copied her.

It sounds like you get on well, I would just have a chat with her.

Dsis used a name I had always loved as a middle name for DNiece. It was also our grandmother's middle name and meant a lot to both of us.

When DD came along a few years later I looked for other names but nothing else felt right and I wanted to use the name as a first name.

I spoke to Dsis, asked if she would mind and she said not to be silly, no one owns the right to a name

@SquigglePigs

I agree with a lot of people that there shouldn't be an issue to just use those names. On a day to day basis they will be Eleanor and Eloise. The more diplomatic option would be to go for an extra middle name to make them feel more different (for your daughter's sake as much as anything so her name is more "hers" than a derivative of her cousin's) - so Eleanor X May Surname. I think a 2 syllable name would probably flow best (your combo of names is very similar to DD's).

Also I think you should mention it to them beforehand. Not in an asking permission way but just a heads up way and why it's so important to you. If they are remotely caring people they won't mind at all (I certainly wouldn't!).

Depending on how many surnames there are.

DD has my surname as a second middle name, so in this scenario she’d have ended up with 5 names which seems a bit ridiculous. (My sibling has 5 names after a mix up at the registry office. Not short names either. They don’t all fit on a passport!)

Thanks all for being so lovely and for the congratulations!

I think we will go with an extra middle name in between and then I’ll also have a chat with her.

At the end of the day you are all correct - they’ll be known as Eloise and Eleanor and they’ll have different surnames too.

@50shadesofknackered
if we went May Eleanor Surname the baby would be known as May Surname so exact same name as MIL - I’d like baby to have it’s own unique first name surname combo. Middle name as a tribute.

Eleanor and Eloise are quite different. You have sensible reason for using May and actually I think cousins with the same middle name is okay and probably common. It's only strange because your SIL added Eleanor on the end but realistically that name will never be used and most people probably won't even remember it.

Congratulations op, I do think Eleanor May is okay to use without an extra name in between.

If you were my SIL I would completely understand and would hate you to be worrying about it. I would just speak to her, it is true nobody owns a name etc and first names are different but as you are worrying talk to her so you can then enjoy your pregnancy.

Middle names don't matter. All my siblings have the same middle name. It's nice. I would just be keen to avoid them both becoming Ellie but only because it would be slightly confusing.

I've been doing my family tree (back to 1800's and prior so there are at least 300 people on it).

It is striking how my ancestors used the dad's name for the son and/ or juxtaposed 1st and 2nd names for their first boys.

With the girls an Ann swapped with Anna, an Elizabeth with Eliza.

Somehow they coped (or maybe they didn't, which maybe explains the exodus to London)!

I suppose the only issue is that Eleanor and Eloise might be both shortened to Elly.
Maybe you need to get in quick and announce your preferred short name!

" May" is a lovely middle name, but I wouldn't want to go through school with the same name as a month.

Use it!

You could always add a second middle name if you wanted her to have one that was just hers.

[quote ConasAtaTu1]@MrsTimRiggins it’s not her mothers name. She is my SIL via my DBro - she has no family connection to the name yet knows it’s DH mothers name and that she has passed away so we would be likely to use it if we ever got pregnant.[/quote]
Maybe she just liked the name??

There are hundreds of xxxx Mays around

Congrats!
Are you definitely having a girl? Or might this not be an issue anyway, before you totally tie yourself in knots!

I'd go for it.

DSis has named her baby my DDs middle name - I doubt very much she knew this! Probably still doesn’t. DD was delighted!

Other DD shares a middle name with another cousin on the other side - this cousin specifically asked if we would use her name! So we did!! It’s also the middle name of another sister.

Nobody really mentions it.

I have 4 cousins all called Tom, if that’s what you want to call her then go for it, she’s your daughter and you only get one opportunity to name her.
I will say though that Ellie May is ridiculously common and both names are likely to be shortened to that.

Just use the name

You can explain why if you want

But people will know them and Eloise and Eleanor they won’t care about middle names

I’d just use the name you picked. Her name is Eloise and your daughter will be Eleanor. Middle names really aren’t a big deal.

Use the names.

My 2nd ds has the same middle name as my DB's youngest son - named for the same family member. Noone cares.

I've got the same middle name as a cousin - didn't even know until I was in my 30s!

All of my GGGrandmother's five daughters named their first daughter after her - luckily it's one of those names with lots if pet names 😂

Eleanor May is fine to use imo.

Eleanor May is fine to use!

Honestly, use the name you picked on your honeymoon or you’ll regret it every time you call your daughter by the different name.

No one used the 3rd middle name anyway so the children will be known by completely different names.

I say go for it, however my niece is Eloise and goes by Ellie so possibility both could end up Ellie X

I would use May but not Eleanor. Eloise and Eleanor are too similar. Both nick named Ellie?

Btw if you do use the name, I’d suggest not telling anyone until baby is here.

People are a lot more vocal before the baby arrives whereas after the baby is here, they just accept the name.

My DH and his cousin share a name because DH’s mum couldn’t think of another she liked. I’m always a bit - surely you could think of another name? DH doesn’t love that he has a popular name and one that his cousin has too. He was determined our DC wouldn’t have wildly popular names as a consequence. I once suggested we name our child a vaguely similar name to one of DH’s nephews - think Benedict and Benjamin - and he immediately vetoed.

While yours aren’t exactly the same, the baby may want her own unique name, rather than her cousin’s middle names?

I do have a lot of sympathy for you, but surely there’s another name you like!