At what point is it actually cruel to give your child an old woman/ man name

[Amandalockwood1007]

A lot of names are coming back from the 20s/30s and some of them are okay for 2022 like Alice, Elsie. But certain names sound so terrible to saddle a child with in this generation for example Edith, mary, iris, Maude etc. I just can’t help but feel awful for the children who will probably be bullied for having “old people names” when does it become mean to give a child a name with an time stamp on it from the 1800s🙄

I'm in my 60s and I remember when I was young names like Lily, Grace, Olivia, Phoebe were so old-fashioned. They were awful names. Now people consider them lovely and the names of my generation have fallen out of favour. In my job in the 80s and 90s I had to deal with young offenders and they were usually called Sean or Lee. Everything's cyclical.

if someone was to say “your name sounds like an old woman” that would make them feel weird and left out

Has this actually ever happened...?

You are very out of touch with your list OP - most of the names listed have been popular for several years now.
Names have always gone in and out of fashion, and what I consider to be the names of Grandparents / Great Aunts and Uncles are the names that are now fashionable.

When I was born (nearly 60 years ago) my Grandmother was apparently horrified at my name, as it was such an 'old fashioned' name (in her eyes). Yet I have never been in a group of similar aged people without there being others with my name there - clearly very fashionable for the year.
It is a bit early for my peers' names to be back "in" but give it 20 years and I'm sure plenty of them will be round again.

Oh, I love all of those names. My DD has an 'old fashioned' name. She also knows a few Harpers and Harrisons. I know which type of name I like best 😉

I think cruel only applies to a name which is actively offensive or likely to hurt the child later in life: Satan, Adolph, Ian if your last name is Huntley, Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. A dated name (even ones like Barbara, Patricia, Carol which aren’t ‘vintage’ yet) isn’t cruel, even if it’s not to your taste. But vintage names are a huge trend that’s been happening for decades and children won’t be bullied for it. With bullying though, I think while names can be used to bully a child, children aren’t bullied because of a name. The Chimpanzlee example earlier is a good one - Lee was a popular name and totally inoffensive but still twisted to tease the poor child.

Most of the names you posted, even ones you describe as terrible, are in the top hundred in England and Wales, which just shows how subjective it is. Names cycle in popularity, so in a few years Barbara will go from being too dated, to a rising trend, then peaking, falling back down the charts and being horribly dated again. Personally that’s the reason I’d avoid that type of name. My grandmother has a very typically old lady name which is coming back into fashion, and she’s always hated her name and is horrified to see it becoming popular again.

These are the ranking for the names OP mentioned - the only rare one is Maude, and other than Mary all are very popular at the moment.
Alice - 27
Elsie - 19
Edith - 85
Mary - 291
Iris - 77
Maude - 3899

I'm wondering what age you are OP, and where you live?

In London you can't move for Irises, Mauds, Ediths, Wilfreds and Walters. A child would never be mocked for these names.

In 60 or 70 years time "old lady / men names" will include all the names which are popular now.

My DD (9) is very cross I didn't call her, Iris. She really wishes I had. She likes her name but would have apparently'100% preferred Iris'!

I know and an Edith and an Iris...I particularly like Iris. Neither of these names will seem like old lady names in the future ..fashions change.

I agree about Maude... hideous! Same as Mabel. Both sound like the names of parlour maids

@HansChristianAnderfuck

Those are lovely names though.

Unlike Hilda, Mavis, Edna, Myrtle, Winifred.

I like Hilda and Winifred too

Iris is ok, Edith is fine when shortened to Edie but I do agree Maud is cruel - it’s so, so ugly and sounds like maudlin.

Pamela, Barbara, Shirley, Thelma, Patricia, Jean, Valerie, Irene, etc are awful names from my grandparents’ generation.

Mary, Margaret, Alice, Louise etc are not what I would class as old lady names but rather classic names.

Really not keen on Maude, sounds like a young women in the 1920s

Doris is awful too

My class at school had most of the “old lady” names and even a couple of the “vintage” names and I don’t think I’m as old as the hills yet.

What's wrong with Mary?

You do realise that to future teenagers, ‘old people names’ will be names like Sally and Steve?

I have a dd Mary. Timeless classic in my opinion. Still love it.

@LublinToDublin

"Old lady names" for todays children would be things like Margaret Pamela and Barbara

The names you are referring to OP are older than that so are historic /vintage/classic.

Whether you like the names is a matter of taste but I can't see why the names you suggest would cause comment let alone bullying

This reminds me of when I told DS our second choice for his name was Richard and he reacted like I'd planned to call him Balonz. Incredulity, then "that's the most ridiculous name I've heard"

Normal names to him would be the old fashioned names OP has listed.

Yes but it’s not offensive for someone to say to a child “your names American”

I don't know OP....to some American names can be a euphemism for misspelt and try hard, made up and generally a bit chavvy/downmarket so they may well mean it as an insult even if the child isn't enough to realise it

Most of the children in my daughters nursery class have names like this, my daughter included. It will be normal for them. There are two Elsie’s, Mary, Otillie, Orla, Rosalie, Rupert, Henry, Ted, Hector and Monty. They will think names 80s/90s names are very uncool I’m sure.

Ooh, Maud, Myrtle, Winifred, Agatha, Edna – all excellent, keep the suggestions coming, I’m TTC and baby name lists are the inspo to keep up the homework sex.

Thing is, even if someone DOES say to a child (they won’t) “you’ve got an old lady name” (100% won’t happen), so what? Why is “old lady” an insult? In my experience if a kid is going to get bullied it’ll happen, even with a ‘normal’ name; if a kid is going to be popular it’ll happen, even with a ‘weird’ name. You can’t bully-proof a kid.

I have an old lady name and have always hated it. It's always been a source of anxiety for me whenever I've been in the position of meeting new people as it's always been met with a funny look. It'll eventually be okay in around 30 years time when I'm in my 60s!

I'm in my 50s and was at school with "old lady" names. Better than the current crop of made-up and mis-spelt rubbish.

Olivia sounded very ugly to my ears when I first heard it being used again in the 1990s. Same with Ruby. Now they're just normal little girl names.
I'd be interested to know where you live as I agree with PPs that names like Edith, Iris, Mabel, Margot, Wilf, Stanley etc are ten-a-penny in parts of London; multiples in a class kind of popular.

I think children grow into their names. My nephew is a Burt, and people were a tad bemused. It totally suits him. Now a name like Gertrude would be a bit iffy. Or maybe not.

I don't think kids bully each other for their names anymore, when I was young there were a limited amount of names spread between all the kids, I was one of three Claire's in my class, anything different would have stood out. In my sons classes everyone seems to have their own names mainly, a few repetitions (Noah's, Ava's, Olivia,s) but even then not enough to spoil the name. Some lovely names and unusual names, classic boys names for girls, cutsie names, old people names, non English names. I can't see anyone's name making them a target, it's middle aged people who are still tossers about names the kids don't care.