Baby Surname Opinion Please!

[DearWilbur]

Are there any unmarried couples here who have given their baby both mum and dads surname, but without a hyphen? The two names just don't sound right together said all at once.

I am keen to share part of my surname with my baby until my partner and I eventually get married. We are engaged but realistically cant afford it for a few years. I'm also a bit of a pessimist and am aware that life isn't perfect and if anything were to happen in the future with me and my partner, if DD was to just have her fathers surname, I wouldnt like having to prove that I'm her mother etc. Id prefer my name to already be in hers.

I am also keen for her to have his surname too, as I intend on marrying him.

Has anyone ever called their baby
First name + Middle name + Mums surname + Dads surname? (No hyphen)

I thought officially on paper she would have both our surnames but with them not being hyphenated, we could go with Dad's surname for everyday use, as the 'preferred name'. I'm just not sure if my surname would then become more of a middle name for her? Or when we register her would the two names go in a 'surname option' box?

Any advise or experiences if you have done this would be great 😊 Sorry if this all sounds a bit silly, baby brain has officially set in!

Once/if we marry we would change her name to just his surname, and I would also change my surname to his.

To anyone suggesting changing my name by deed poll to his to avoid this problem completely, my mother suggested this but then I'd find it a bit weird when we got married in the future and we both already had the same surname. If anyone has gone for this option, how did you find it?

Thanks!

No, but my DC all have my surname (even though we were married).

We are now divorced, and I am glad.

Yes my friend did this for both her children with her surname first then her partner's surname. Not sure if her surname forms as a middle name or surname though...I've never asked! But either way the name completely flows and works with her name as it sounds fine as a middle name or two surnames.

@EurghCobwebs

Yes my friend did this for both her children with her surname first then her partner's surname. Not sure if her surname forms as a middle name or surname though...I've never asked! But either way the name completely flows and works with her name as it sounds fine as a middle name or two surnames.

Thanks! Does your friend use both surnames on a day to day basis or does she just refer to her child's name as generally being First name + Dads surname?

Give them your surname, and then when you marry, your husband can change his name to yours. Easy.

Give baby your surname, then change it to whatever you agree to when you’re married.

I'd find it a bit weird when we got married in the future and we both already had the same surname

Why?

@SalveVagina

No, but my DC all have my surname (even though we were married).

We are now divorced, and I am glad.

I bet you are glad! The possibility of that will always be in my mind, which is part of the reason I want her to have my name as well. I think my partner would feel quite upset though if I were to give her just my surname, and to be honest his name sounds much nicer with the name we have chosen. I thought adding my name but not really using it apart from on official documents would kill two birds with one stone. We could use dads name on a day to day basis, but still have my name there in case anything bad happened in the future (in which case I'd just tell school etc that my surname was her preferred name to be used).

OP, I think you are sensible to have it in mind, even if you never need to resort to it (and I hope you don't). My surname was 'better' (i.e. less open to ridicule) than XH's, which helped...

@user15364596354862

I'd find it a bit weird when we got married in the future and we both already had the same surname

Why?

I'm just imagining them reading out our names at the wedding and us sounding like we are already related 😂

Yes I did this then we split up and everyone immediately dropped MY surname because it was first, everywhere only called DC under exes surname, I later found out that it’s because people assume the first surname is a middle name. I wasn’t pleased because I actually asked when I registered dd which way round would be best to put it so that mine is the main one used and the woman said first, which clearly isn’t the case, sorry for the rant!

We gave baby my surname, plus his surname as an extra middle name. I thought we might change it round once we got married but in the end we just left it as is. DH wasn't bothered as he says his is a pain to spell anyway.

Can you objectively say which surname is nicer? And are you sure you'll want to take his when you marry anyway?

@RedCandyApple

Yes I did this then we split up and everyone immediately dropped MY surname because it was first, everywhere only called DC under exes surname, I later found out that it’s because people assume the first surname is a middle name. I wasn’t pleased because I actually asked when I registered dd which way round would be best to put it so that mine is the main one used and the woman said first, which clearly isn’t the case, sorry for the rant!

No need to apologise! It would annoy me too! Are you able to tell school, doctors etc that your name is the preferred name now that you are separated?

@ColdShouldersWarmTummy

We gave baby my surname, plus his surname as an extra middle name. I thought we might change it round once we got married but in the end we just left it as is. DH wasn't bothered as he says his is a pain to spell anyway.

Can you objectively say which surname is nicer? And are you sure you'll want to take his when you marry anyway?

If his is a pain to spell, then it made it easier for your child at least!

His surname is definitely the nicer one of the two and I'd definitely take it when we marry at some point in the future.

Until then though I'd just like to share my current name with baby somehow, even if it's not used on a daily basis. Double barrelling them is a mouthful though 😂

I don't actually know...but she did the same with her surname when they married. Kept hers and added his onto the end so maybe they have two surnames.

No need to apologise! It would annoy me too! Are you able to tell school, doctors etc that your name is the preferred name now that you are separated?

Luckily I’ve managed to change it at most places to Have have her known by mine, but ex would never agree to let me change it officially, even though he doesn’t see her. Sadly it does pop up every so often I will get referred to as Miss “exes surname” as people assume it’s my name as well as dds

Urgh don’t change your name by deed poll before getting married.

Your suggested solution is fine- both names, all equal and no one can get offended.

I can’t imagine what a pain in the arse it would be to have to go through the annoyance of changing my name again in the event of a split, without the prospect of a divorce settlement to soften the blow.

Does anyone know what the forms look like when registering a child's birth? Ie. Is there a section for middle names and a section for surnames? Or is the full name just put together on one line?

@TerribleCustomerCervix

Urgh don’t change your name by deed poll before getting married.

Your suggested solution is fine- both names, all equal and no one can get offended.

I can’t imagine what a pain in the arse it would be to have to go through the annoyance of changing my name again in the event of a split, without the prospect of a divorce settlement to soften the blow.

Yeah tbh I couldnt even be bothered with the hassle of changing my name by deed poll before marriage. I love your username by the way 😂

I’m Spanish and we all have two surnames - not hyphenated - one from each parent.

I’m MyName DadsSurname MumsSurname on documents and anything official (including school certs, doctors, work, contracts and bank). I’m MyName DadsSurname in ‘normal’ life where I don’t have to give my full name. Or when I have lived abroad, where going by two surnames wasn’t really practical.

Go for it, give the baby both and they can go by whichever one you decide, but they’ll have both your names. It’s how everybody in Spain and Latin America does it.

I would strongly recommend using either just yours or yours and his double barrelled with yours as the second. It can easily be changed if you get married, but not the other way around.

Having gone through the whole divorce thing, I can't believe how naive I was the first time around. Even though we weren't married I gave our child his surname. Something I hugely regret, even though I would have changed it when we got married, mine would have been on his birth certificate, so there would have been more options for changing it back. When you have a child, the baby is automatically given your surname (mum's). Traditionally this has always been the case. If they don't have your surname at all, travel (you need a letter from dad with permission for you to travel with your own child), doctors, school all come with more issues. Even the change in people's voice, when they call you Mrs [the child's surname] and you have to correct them can be quite upsetting.

I think lots of women feel obliged to give the baby the dad's name, please don't! I know this is going to sound harsh and I don't mean it to be, but if he really wanted that, he should have married you before you got pregnant/had the baby. I get you're engaged (we were too), but until it's official you have no protection if you were to separate. I've seen people really badly affected by this so hope this will help others not to make their/ my mistake.

Sure, people don’t always hyphenate

However I would get married to protect everyone financially. You can just go to a registry office, and save up for a fancy blessing ceremony and party later

Yes. My kid has first name, middle name, my surname, then my husbands surname.

We are married but both kept our own names post marriage.

The only place it's been an issue is with Qantas the surname box couldn't cope with a space between the two names so we removed the space.

Mysurnamehissurname in the box

Both the surnames are pretty long so we picked a short first name. Both names are used and no one bats an eye lid.

My DC got first name, second name, my surname as a second middle name and then their Dad's surname. It's a nicer name anyway. But my name is there on the birth certificate, passport etc and that pleases me, but I wouldn't expect teachers or friends etc to refer to them using both surnames as mine is effectively a middle name anyway. I didn't want to double-barrel as it felt too posh for us!

Has anyone ever called their baby
First name + Middle name + Mums surname + Dads surname? (No hyphen)

All Spanish people do this, except that they put the father's surname first and the mother's second.

I'm not Spanish but my parents did it, they weren't married, gave me both surnames with no hyphen. Dad's surname first and mum's second, probably because it flows better.

I am married but DH and I have done the same for our children, one of my surnames plus DH's surname, no hyphen.

No hyphen is a good solution as it makes it easier to drop one of the surnames for everyday use, or in future if you want to change part of your name after marriage or pass on just one surname to your child.

It costs about £75 to get married. If you can't afford that you can't afford a baby.

You can do a 'wedding' style do when you can afford it.