Page 3 | Babies surname?

El77 · 2021-09-11T15:55:53+00:00

Would you give your baby your partners surname (you're not married) or make it double barrelled with his and yours?

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

LimpLettice · 12/09/2021 11:59

Both, no hyphen. Eldest is my name dads name, 2 youngest my name (different) dads name. I'm now my name DH name. So we all have a variation which works and suits our family connection. Ex is a total plank, so very glad I ignored his irritation with using both. Also my name is nicer than either of theirs, v much part of my identity and I wanted to pass that on. DD likes her name so it's win win.

mummaelle · 12/09/2021 12:46

If I was in a relationship with my baby's father I'd give his surname
But since I was single my dd took mine
I wouldn't double barrel

PumpkinKlNG · 12/09/2021 12:47

All mine have my name which works out well since my ex is now absent and doesn’t see any of them. So glad I put my name only.

Dogsandbabies · 12/09/2021 12:51

@SeriouslyISuppose

Use both surnames, no hyphen. In the order in which they sound best.

That's what I did. Especially as I have no intention to get married.

IVflytrap · 12/09/2021 12:53

Yours or double-barrel. Or yours, plus partner's surname as a middle name. You can always change it if you get married and decide to take your partner's surname.

It is absolutely traditional for children to have their mother's surname if not married. Unmarried women have only started giving their children their partner's surname as default in about the last 20-30 years or so, and even nowadays, not everybody does that.

My family has been researching our family tree and there's quite a few children several generations back born to unmarried mothers, and every single one had the mother's surname. Apart from one, where the mother and father of the child married several years after the child's birth, and the child was then given the father's surname as a second surname. So the child ended up with a double-barrelled surname, although no hyphen.

Tigger85 · 12/09/2021 13:17

My children have double-barrelled with a hypthon surname hisname-myname

legoriakelne · 12/09/2021 13:24

Baby has mum's name.

Baby only has dad's name if that is also mum's name.

Women blithely giving their child a different name to themselves is a relatively new phenomenon driven by women who are legally more free but mentally less free from misogyny than previous generations.

It's depressing when women are so conditioned to meet patriarchal expectations that it doesn't even occur to them that of course their baby should have their own bloody name.

bubblebath62636 · 12/09/2021 13:56

Do not give the baby your partners surname!

If he hasn't shown initiative to marry you before knocking you up then baby doesn't get his surname.

I speak from experience with DD1, finally changed her surname back to mine when she was 11.

MrsBertBibby · 12/09/2021 16:35

women who are legally more free but mentally less free from misogyny than previous generations.

ODFOD. You have no idea what factors drive women's decisions here.

NavigatingAdolescence · 12/09/2021 17:21

@MrsBertBibby

women who are legally more free but mentally less free from misogyny than previous generations.

ODFOD. You have no idea what factors drive women's decisions here.

Do you have an alternative theory to proffer?

I’m still to find a good reason for women to give up their names and take a man’s.

NavigatingAdolescence · 12/09/2021 17:23

Especially given that the numbers of men changing their names on marriage is a tiny fraction of a percent. Wonder why that would be…….. 🤔

thinkbiglittleone · 12/09/2021 17:28

The baby has two parents, so if the parents have different names, the child gets both names.

mynameisbrian · 12/09/2021 17:34

My eldest has my surname...my other DC have double barrelled. I am sick of woman handing over blokes surnames to their DC married or not. It is not law that you give your DC you partners names, it is choice. It is also a choice whether you choose to change your name in marriage. You dont have to do that. I am still pissed off that i have two good friends who sent me a congratualtions card on our very rushed marriage as OH was getting potentially life threatening surgery and assuming I was Mrs XXXX..Nope not changed my name and zero plans to

SerendipitySunshine · 12/09/2021 17:35

Just your name.

PumpkinKlNG · 12/09/2021 17:41

Also not sure if it’s been mentioned but please bare in mind that if you give the baby his surname and you split up (I’m guessing he will be on the bc?) this means you will need his permission if you want to change that name to yours, if you give baby your surname and you do get married etc then you can always change it then but if you stick with his and don’t and then split up you won’t be able to change it unless he agrees

legoriakelne · 12/09/2021 20:12

@MrsBertBibby

women who are legally more free but mentally less free from misogyny than previous generations.

ODFOD. You have no idea what factors drive women's decisions here.

What a strange thing to say. Defensive much?

IAAP · 12/09/2021 20:14

@MissBPotter

No, I would give baby my own surname without a doubt. When married could change if you want to change yours, or double barrel. That’s if you’re planning marriage in the future.

This 100% of the time.

Don't know why women give their baby someone's name other then their own!

IAAP · 12/09/2021 20:15

@PumpkinKlNG

Also not sure if it’s been mentioned but please bare in mind that if you give the baby his surname and you split up (I’m guessing he will be on the bc?) this means you will need his permission if you want to change that name to yours, if you give baby your surname and you do get married etc then you can always change it then but if you stick with his and don’t and then split up you won’t be able to change it unless he agrees

This. All of mine got my surname. We got married after children -and I don't regret it.

legoriakelne · 12/09/2021 20:15

@NavigatingAdolescence

Especially given that the numbers of men changing their names on marriage is a tiny fraction of a percent. Wonder why that would be…….. 🤔

Oh it's all just a huge coincidence. All these completely free choices being made in a total vacuum that ever so coincidentally align with the patriarchal society the woman lives in.

Driftingblue · 12/09/2021 20:19

We are married. Baby still has my surname. We basically flipped a coin and I happened to win.

There is absolutely no possibility I would give my child someone else’s surname if we weren’t married.

NellyNoNorks · 12/09/2021 20:19

OP, XH and I are both double barrelled, but both only use the first part of our surnames because double barrelled names sound a bit not to our taste. We chose to give our children the part of my surname that I use, even though we were married, and I am still glad of it now. Double barrelled is a PITA, and quadruple barrelled, if you marry someone who is also double-barrelled is just laughable.

expectinglittlebear · 13/09/2021 10:22

@El77 If I wasn't married to my partner and baby's dad, I would most definitely give the baby my last name. I am married however, so when I give birth in January, our baby will have our married name.

expectinglittlebear · 13/09/2021 10:24

I think the general "rule" is:

Not married = Baby has mum's name.

Married = Baby only has dad's name if that is also mum's name.

HR313 · 13/09/2021 10:28

My daughters both have their fathers surname. He is an incredible father and is totally besotted with his girls, he goes above and beyond to take care of us all. Hence why they have his surname, despite us not being married. It’s a non issue for us.

Oldfestivalgoer · 13/09/2021 10:56

@HR313

My daughters both have their fathers surname. He is an incredible father and is totally besotted with his girls, he goes above and beyond to take care of us all. Hence why they have his surname, despite us not being married. It’s a non issue for us.

Are you not an incredible mother, besotted with your daughters?