DH and the unpronounceable baby names

[Olinguita]

DH (Indian) and I (white British) have our first baby on the way in September. I suggested that we give the baby an Indian name to reflect their culture. We don't know if we're having a boy or a girl. We have a girl's name shortlist sorted, but boy is proving tricky.

The problem is, the only names that DH has come up with are things that are tricky to say (Atharv, Satyameva), or that sound a bit odd to the British ear - stuff like Shlok, Parth, Sachet, which I worry that a kid could get teased about, or which would be constantly misunderstood/mis-spelt in adulthood. I don't want to be insensitive to his culture or narrow minded BUT I also don't want to give the child a name that is going to cause challenges in daily life as they grow up. The problem is that my normally easy-going DH is getting REALLY defensive about it and is refusing to budge (maybe late pandemic/Dad-to-be jitters, who knows....!)

He has vetoed all of my suggestions of 2-syllable Indian boys' names on the grounds that they are too common, or there are acquaintances of ours that already have those names, or he just doesn't like them.
To give you an example of where I was going, my list included:
Roshan
Pranav
Ishaan
Rohan
Ivaan
Vivek
Niren
Nayan
Varoun

I'm pretty familiar with Indian culture and speak Hindi, and from what I've observed, most of my Indian and British/Indian friends have tended to favour more contemporary, easy-to-pronounce baby names similar to those on my list. So I don't think I'm wildly off-base but I could be wrong.

My questions for you:

1. Has anyone hit an absolute roadblock with their partner about baby names, and how did you deal?
2. Any cool Indian boy name suggestions? (If you hadn't clocked from the names suggested already, DH is Hindu)

On top of all this, my very traditional British family are piling on the pressure to give the child a "proper" English name like William or George and won't drop the issue. The joys of baby-naming....

This plan was (is) that we had an Indian first name that would "work" in the UK, an English/Biblical middle name and DH's Indian surname. I figured that he is the one who is living away from most of his family while mine are all living in the same town as us so I wanted to give a bit more weight to kiddo's Indian heritage because it's going to be getting a tonne of British cultural influence in its childhood and I don't want the rest of its identity to get forgotten, if that makes sense?

OP have you explicitly said this to him? It sounds like you've talked a lot so probably! But I'm wondering if it's something to go back to. I am the partner with little access to family/my culture and my DH has a large family who live closer (not as close as yours though). The reality of knowing that your child(ren) are going to grow up outside your family culture, even if you a) specifically left that culture and/or b) really like the new culture is actually quite hard. It's almost instinctual.

I guess too that your DH additionally grew up around a big family network? So he may be realising that his kids won't have any of that (the good or familiar bits at least) and in addition they will have a very strong English connection.

I really have to say that there's a difference between knowing the logic of this and feeling it.

It may be worth going back to this and letting him know explicitly you understand and seeing if there are any particular things on his mind about this (not seeing x family member after school, not having x dish with grandma at weekends etc - small things count for a lot here). And then revisit the names.

I do t mean to suggest you're not listening to him because actually you sound like you are. It's more that as someone in a similar situation to him, I know my partner didn't have a clue and it was understandable because I'd never understood the full impact of having a child grow up in a culture that wasn't mine, until I was faced with it.

Indian male names of people we know:
Rohan (quite popular though. Ds is at school with several)
Arun
Kinnar
Dhruv
Hari
Sarit
Ayan
Dinesh
Dinuka (he's not Indian but is Hindu, not sure if the name works for someone of Indian heritage as well)
Hetul
Suvraneil (known as Suvra)

I think that people do learn quickly how to pronounce names but it's easier if they are reasonably intuitive, as all the ones above are...

dh and I are different nationalities.

We had a system where we were both allowed to veto, for whatever reason.
So, I love Naomi, but he said in The Netherlands that is a rubbish name. (can't remember why)
I love flower names - Rose Lily Poppy, he said no, they didn't work well in his culture (I think he is wrong on this actually having met Dutch girls called Rose, but he was allowed his veto)
He alos vetoed names like Grace, Hope Faith, as they don;t work well in Dutch either.

I vetoed other names for other reasons.

Then we had to get past - no names with a 'th' and no names with a 'g' as these are horrible in each others languages, and no Dutch names with an 'ij' as this doesn't work in English.

you both have to be allowed to veto because it doesn't work in your culture

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep but then English people can have names such as Dick which is, literally, a dick? You are racist.
I suspect that OP’s DH is actually digging in his heels because of her family’s blatant rejection of his culture.

@daretodenim exactly! So many small things you take for granted until you’re out of your own culture.
I’m not saying that we should impose 100% (for me at least it’s my choice to be in the U.K and date a white British man, unlike some of my friends who wouldn’t even consider dating outside their race). My children won’t grow up learning all the languages I did naturally, it’ll have to be an ‘activity’ that they do, or watch shows in my language etc etc. It isn’t easy and takes work from both sides.
Of course some people don’t care either way and are happy to just go along with their partner bringing their children up in a single culture. But I’m not like that.

[quote TheLastLotus]@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep but then English people can have names such as Dick which is, literally, a dick? You are racist.
I suspect that OP’s DH is actually digging in his heels because of her family’s blatant rejection of his culture.[/quote]
No I'm not
Shh

I knew a Ramakrishna, shortened to Krish which I thought was lovely.

Also love Ravi, Rishi, Hari and anything that can be shortened to Sunny.

From experience I can say it is extremely difficult to choose Indian boy names that translate well, especially if you don't want a religious connotation to the name.

I have a Rishi, a name that I didn't think twice about for difficultly pronouncing. Now we have the chancellor people are saying his name correctly but for ages he'd be call "Reeshi". I hated the stress on the initial "i" it's not like it's even a natural stress in English. I think I have to blame Americans for that one.

We spent forever choosing my 2nd son's name. We chose Nikhil in the end. He can go by his full name or Nick in the future. At the moment he gets called Nicky.

I adore Kush but we know 3 so didn't feel right but a lovely name.

My mum loved Soham but I had to point out what the connotation would be for most when they heard it. Huntley was the first thing that popped into my head when she said it even though the name is beautiful. Kovidh is a Hindu name that means wise if you know, you want to name him after the current times. (Joking!)

Whilst most people try very hard with ethnic names because of the softer sounds in Hindi they invariable get butchered by English pronunciation. Anything with "A" for example was out for us as I like the soft "uh" pronunciation but I know it'll all be "ah" here. Ravi had been mentioned loads. I love it too but only as R-uh-vi not R-ah-vi which I'll bet is how 90% of the posters pronounce it.

I also totally think Indian first name and English middle works and would allow your son to go by either when he's older.

On top of all this, my very traditional British family are piling on the pressure to give the child a "proper" English name like William or George and won't drop the issue.

You really need to tell them very firmly to butt out. I suspect your DH may be more inclined to dig his heels in if they're going on about it constantly.

I am Welsh and my DH is English. His parents are very insistent that I am not 'allowed' to use Welsh names for my child because it's 'cruel'. Every time they say this my list gets 'Welsher'.

In my case I worry that if I use a name like Harri they will ignore the spelling and use Harry. I worry that if I use a name like Aneira they will find an English shortening like Annie and insist on only using that.

It's silly really as names like Harri, Jac and Tomos would work well but I worry they won't be respected in the way a name like Aneurin for example would be.

I wonder if your husband feels similarly? A name like Hari sounds a good compromise for example but perhaps he fears it will just be anglicised to Harry by your family and will lose it's feel as a reflection of his heritage?

Equally your husband needs to be practical and acknowledge some names are easier to use in the UK than others.

For example Myfanwy in Welsh is 'muh-van-we' but most people who don't speak English won't know the letter F is pronounced V in Welsh. So I would never consider it in England - the 'my fanny' jokes are inevitable.

Your husband also has to accept some degree of compromise - you have agreed to use his surname and a first name from his culture but you still have to like the name.

If you had agreed to use an English name and he didn't like Oliver for example I'm sure he wouldn't want you to insist on it.

@BabiSiarc finally someone who actually gets it 😂

I love Ravi and Vijay

I was grateful to my parents for giving me two names, only one international, that I mostly use now. I got tired of spelling.

Ravi is lovely - but you could ah e an English first name and Ida in middle name? The Herriot is there but not pronounced everyday?

Is the surname to be Indian also?

Is your DH getting pressure from his family to name baby a traditional impressive Indian name?

I’m Indian heritage and was very careful to name my children names that were east to pronounce with the English tongue, and also couldn’t be interchanged with an English word that could be used to tease my DC.

Can you both come up with a longer complicated name (your DH seems to like long names), which could be shortened to a name on your list?

Alternatively wait till you’ve had baby then revisit the names but have a shortlist you’re happy with and push for those.

Is it possible that your husbands family is pressuring him for baby to be named a traditional name from his side picked from a list by a priest? My traditional Hindu friends named their children from a list of options given by their priest, based on their star charts, because those were considered auspicious for the babies.

Absolutely to what @BabiSiarc said.

My name looks a bit like an English name but it isn't, it isn't spelt the same or said the same.

Whole life - what are you called for short? Can I call you English name?

Answer: I am called Whole Name. And No.

I don't make people spell it correctly anymore unless it's for an official document but they do have to say the whole name. What is it with the English obsession with 'for short' my name isn't difficult!

I would worry that your DH doesn't care if your child is bullied for his name. It would really set alarm bells ringing for him. If his is this insensitve about something so obvious, what his he going to unreasonable about next.

Bit of a leap

In your shoes I’d pick an anglicised name or something that works in both English and Hindi if possible. I wish things were different than this isn’t a considerations, but as he or she grows up, goes for jobs etc your child will likely come off worse due to unconscious bias around his name if it sounds foreign.

I understand why you might choose differently - everyone has different priorities - but as a mixed ethnicity person raised in the UK I can honestly say having an English-sounding name makes a huge difference to how others perceive you.

I'd have said Hari would be the obvious one - not least because it would appeal to the OP's parents.

Otherwise, how about Shanti?

Alek
Ashrav
Avi
Bodhi
Danush
Dhilan
Edi
Hari
Jonty
Kamal
Logan
Miki
Orion

These are all names of children I've taught/who have been at school with my DC that might work?

I know an Ishaan and love it.

Anil
Amir

I think you sound quite sensible. You've also chosen to go with an Indian name so I think it's only fair that he compromises. You both need to agree on a name.

There are just some names that carry over and work better in some cultures than others. I met a Finnish man living in Scotland called Lassi. And likewise, when I was in Japan teaching English there was an English name that all the kids laughed at as obviously, it must have sounded like something dodgy in Japanese. I think it's just practical to take this into consideration. It's not offensive that certain names work and others don't.

I know a Reish.
Pronounced 'Ray-shh

Always loved the name Sachin.

My sister's husband is Indian, they chose Indian names and had similar issues. I'm not sure why your baby will need an Indian name to reflect his culture when it will also be half British. Just seems to roll like that a lot of the time in my experience.

I like Rohan for a boy. I helped search a lot and didn't like many Indian boys names tbh.

It's really unfair to saddle you child with an unpronounceable name. Its also really fucking twatty an arrogant of him to want to do this to his child. How unappealing.