DH and the unpronounceable baby names

[Olinguita]

DH (Indian) and I (white British) have our first baby on the way in September. I suggested that we give the baby an Indian name to reflect their culture. We don't know if we're having a boy or a girl. We have a girl's name shortlist sorted, but boy is proving tricky.

The problem is, the only names that DH has come up with are things that are tricky to say (Atharv, Satyameva), or that sound a bit odd to the British ear - stuff like Shlok, Parth, Sachet, which I worry that a kid could get teased about, or which would be constantly misunderstood/mis-spelt in adulthood. I don't want to be insensitive to his culture or narrow minded BUT I also don't want to give the child a name that is going to cause challenges in daily life as they grow up. The problem is that my normally easy-going DH is getting REALLY defensive about it and is refusing to budge (maybe late pandemic/Dad-to-be jitters, who knows....!)

He has vetoed all of my suggestions of 2-syllable Indian boys' names on the grounds that they are too common, or there are acquaintances of ours that already have those names, or he just doesn't like them.
To give you an example of where I was going, my list included:
Roshan
Pranav
Ishaan
Rohan
Ivaan
Vivek
Niren
Nayan
Varoun

I'm pretty familiar with Indian culture and speak Hindi, and from what I've observed, most of my Indian and British/Indian friends have tended to favour more contemporary, easy-to-pronounce baby names similar to those on my list. So I don't think I'm wildly off-base but I could be wrong.

My questions for you:

1. Has anyone hit an absolute roadblock with their partner about baby names, and how did you deal?
2. Any cool Indian boy name suggestions? (If you hadn't clocked from the names suggested already, DH is Hindu)

On top of all this, my very traditional British family are piling on the pressure to give the child a "proper" English name like William or George and won't drop the issue. The joys of baby-naming....

Oops! Congratulations

@LadyMonicaBaddingham

Pranav is a great name - I know a lovely boy named that, so it gets my vote. I also like Kiran, Aarush and Siddhant from previous experiences

Well... teasing potential?

Oh good a happy ending, thanks for the update op

There are always people on MN who veto names with a 'the child will be bullied'
Here is an idea: how about coming down like a ton of bricks on the bullies? and their parents who excuse this kind of behaviour as 'kids can be mean'?

Dhillon

Ankur could very quickly become a rather unpleasant nickname

Sadly, that was the first thing I thought of as well. Avoid.

@Prokupatuscrakedatus

There are always people on MN who veto names with a 'the child will be bullied' Here is an idea: how about coming down like a ton of bricks on the bullies? and their parents who excuse this kind of behaviour as 'kids can be mean'?

I’ve said this many times on this site. But that would mean the adults teaching these children to make fun of people for having something slightly different about them would need to change. And they won’t. Culture or not you’ll see horrendous name bullying when it comes to the baby name boards here, just for different spellings or daring to have a name that doesn’t fit the middle class spectrum. Bordering on racist at times.

If we can learn to pronounce names like Tchaikovsky etc then we shouldnt have a problem. But when the name has any sort of Asian connotation then it becomes impossible apparently.

Reporting back - yes, the baby is born and is now named! We had a boy and I am happy to say we found a first name that we both agreed on. It is easy to pronounce and while not very common or trendy, it is the name that many people in the UK will have heard of at some point because it is the name of a famous Indian person (think someone in sports or culture) that will be familiar to many in this country. Don't want to share as it's too outing! DH continued to push for some very eccentric names right up until the week of the birth and my Indian girlfriends begged me not to use them!!

I think after he saw me give birth and what I went through he was willing to let me call the kid whatever I wanted

That's a great update

Aadi is nice, and kind of indeterminate in terms of culture, as Ade is a short form of a number of Nigerian names, and trips of the tongue. It's easy to say. The spelling denotes the cultural origins.

I think you do need to think about being teased, because a shy child will feel awkward. It may make the adults feel better to tackle teasing, but it won't help the owner of the names as much.

Your husband is NOT being unreasonable here - British people are lazy and insensitive when it comes to pronouncing names from other cultures. What’s more important to you, finding a name you are both happy with and that respects your husband’s heritage or finding a name that’s easy for other British people to pronounce?

I don’t wish to sound rude but please educate yourself into the microaggressions that people of colour face.

Article you might find useful here www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210108-the-signals-we-send-when-we-get-names-wrong

My best friend is Hindi and her brother is called Mouli. She also has a cousin called Harsha. Her father was Rao and her husband is Varma.

My children are mixed race too, white and Asian (indian). We named our first son Dylan, as I’m welsh, and our daughter Zahra. So one from each.

[quote HopefulRose]Your husband is NOT being unreasonable here - British people are lazy and insensitive when it comes to pronouncing names from other cultures. What’s more important to you, finding a name you are both happy with and that respects your husband’s heritage or finding a name that’s easy for other British people to pronounce?

I don’t wish to sound rude but please educate yourself into the microaggressions that people of colour face.

Article you might find useful here www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210108-the-signals-we-send-when-we-get-names-wrong[/quote]
I think the issue could be with the spelling, not the name itself. I have an unusual name, which isn't exactly difficult to spell, but I find it ridiculously irritating to have to spell my name for people all the time.

I'll probably get flamed for this but why don't you go for a British first name and have an Indian middle name? They are half British too and living in Britain. It would allow you to reflect both sides of their heritage and mean having an Indian name that will probably be mispronounced won't be a problem so you won't have to worry about it.

I'll probably get flamed for this but why don't you go for a British first name and have an Indian middle name? They are half British too and living in Britain. It would allow you to reflect both sides of their heritage and mean having an Indian name that will probably be mispronounced won't be a problem so you won't have to worry about it

The OP has updated. The baby is here and named

My best friend is Hindi

No she isn't. You best friend is Hindu. Hindi is the language of most Hindus.

Same as a person isn't Arabic. They are Arab. They speak Arabic, or eat arabic food but they themselves are not arabic.

@RampantIvy same here. I have a Scottish name and my DD's is French/English. We both have to spell out names out and they're not that unusual.

Congratulations on your son and getting to choose a name that works well for you both 🥳

This thread is a fascinating insight into the need many people have, to share their opinion, even if it's 6 months out of date and entirely irrelevant

If you don't know what you're having, can you compromise and say if it's a girl she gets an Indian and if it's a boy he gets an English name - that way you can choose something more familiar to Anglicised ears?

If you don't know what you're having, can you compromise and say if it's a girl she gets an Indian and if it's a boy he gets an English name - that way you can choose something more familiar to Anglicised ears

The baby is here and named.

We had so many blocks with names that we ended up with no boys names at all. Luckily she was a girl.

@YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators

Not Soham - unfortunate connotations

With regards to your family, they get no say whatsoever. You could call your child “spaceship” if you wanted and their job is to smile and nod and say how lovely.
I’d go with a name that has to be agreed by both and either can veto any name for any reason.

Excellent update, OP.