So annoyed with DHs attitude to names.

[KeepSmiling89]

Nearly 10weeks pregnant so still early days but DH and I naturally discuss possible names for our little one. He is SO fussy though...here are his requirements:

1. Can't be anything Disney related so with more and more Disney movies coming out our list will be VERY short. Gutted as I love the name Aurora (with Rory as a nickname)

1. Can't be a name that's already in the family...even distant family. I suggested Alexander and he said it was his ex GFs dad's name and an uncle on his dad's side I'd never even heard of! It was also my dad's best friends name but I don't care! I like the bloody name!

1. Can't be anything our friends have called their children, even if those children are in teen years etc.

1. Can't be linked to anything negative in his past. I totally get this one. I always loved the name Andrew but his school bully had this name...our friend also recently named her 2nd son this so it was out the window anyway. However, why not use the name and make some new happy memories so it's not tainted?

1. Can't be anything he might struggle to spell...like Eilidh or Niamh. Here's an idea...give our child the name and you'll get used to spelling it! I love Eilidh and am NOT giving it up so easily if we have a girl.

Every name I suggest, he says "oh, I know 3 Hannahs" for example. I'm like, "and your point is...?"

This is just a rant but wondered if anyone else's partners are fussy with names. I love him but he's just so bloody stubborn! As long as it goes with our surname, I'm happy!

Would you consider Jamie as a girl’s name, @KeepSmiling89?

Oh believe me. He's ready to be a father. He was ready WAY before I was to be honest.

I think once we know what we're having (we're planning to find out at 20 weeks) that'll help a bit.

We had a MMC last year so my anxiety is through the roof and I thought thinking of names would help me feel more positive about things but it seems it's just making me more anxious.

"The Disney list is included because it contains names that aren't particularly 'Disney'."

The vast majority are very Disney on that list!

Jamie can be boy or girl. There you go, sorted either way

My husband was like this with all of ours. We discussed names every couple of weeks and he almost never suggested any, just shot down all of mine

So I kept all of mine on a list and only deleted if he had a valid concern or I changed my mind. Funny how, once he'd heard the same names a few times, he was much less resistant to them.

Also, a visit to a graveyard somehow helped him start to visualise a name as a person we don't know yet, rather than a word starting with a capital letter

frazzledasarock : perhaps you should get out more !

I was the fussy one when it came to naming our baby... he'll have his name all his life so of course it had to be juuuuust right .

As long as he's suggesting names and not just saying no to your picks, I don't think he's doing anything unreasonable (except maybe forgetting that lots of names have been used by Disney that don't sound 'princessy').

Find some baby name lists and score each name as 'yes', 'not, or 'maybe'. There are so many names out there that you'll eventually find a match!

Congratulations on your pregnancy .

The translation of that list is: dh gets to chose the name. Don’t stress with discussions with DH, work out what you like (not what is/isn’t “allowed”) and include DH once baby is almost here/here.

As long as he's suggesting names and not just saying no to your picks

Basically this

The Kinder app might be a good way around this. That way you both choose names you like, and you'll be told which names match. It might halt the cycle of suggesting names only to be rejected, and it also means that there's no 'your names and his names' dynamic, as you both chose them independently.

We had a MMC last year so my anxiety is through the roof and I thought thinking of names would help me feel more positive about things but it seems it's just making me more anxious.

That might account for his response here - maybe he doesn't want to get too invested until the pregnancy is well established. Sort of the opposite way of dealing with anxiety to yours.

Sorry for your MC

My DH is the same. He never suggests anything but every name i say is either too posh, too chavy, close to a family members name, too long, too short, there’s always bloody something. With my first child I had my heart set on the name grace as it was my grandmothers maiden name and also the lovely nurse who helped my mum through her cancers name but he made a massive deal about his friends daughter being called Gracie and that it’s basically copying the name. It’s a completely different name in my eyes but I think he’s just too picky

If you like Aurora, what about Aurelia?

The vast majority are very Disney on that list!

Depends on your frame of reference.

He can't just have the veto - he needs to come up with a list that you can consider.

Don't hate me, but i actually think they're all quite valid but it depends, I won't name my child something if there's already one in the family or in my immediate group of friends.
No to Disney names because I'm not a fan of Disney.

I recommend the app Kinder :)

"As long as it goes with our surname, I'm happy!"

-- Let him choose?

My DH had the exact same list of rules. He didn't want to know anybody else with the name. And I mean anybody. I love the name Scott, but DH went to school with a Scott from reception to year 2. And they weren't even friends. Bloody ridiculous.

The name we chose had 4 born in the entire UK in all of 2019. Took a very long time to find it.

@frazzledasarock

Nothing Disney, so none of the below then? 🤨

What’s on his list of possible names?

Jasmine (Aladdin)
Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
Elsa (Frozen)
Anna (Frozen)
Alice (Alice in Wonderland)
Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
Flora (Sleeping Beauty)
Fauna (Sleeping Beauty)
Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)
Eudora (The Princess and the Frog)
Charlotte (The Princess and the Frog)
Mulan (Mulan)
Sally (The Nightmare Before Christmas)
Jane (Tarzan)
Judy (Zootopia)
Perdita (101 Dalmatians)
Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
Bianca (The Rescuers)
Willow (Pocahontas)
Roxanne (A Goofy Movie)
Penny (Bolt)
Peg (Lady and the Tramp)
Wendy (Peter Pan)
Minnie
Daisy
Huey (DuckTales)
Louie (DuckTales)
Dewey (DuckTales)
Flynn (Tangled)
Eugene (Tangled)
Kristoff (Frozen)
Jack (The Nightmare Before Christmas)
Gus (Cinderella)
Phillip (Sleeping Beauty)
Eric (The Little Mermaid)
Nick (Zootopia)
Peter (Peter Pan)
Felix (Wreck-It Ralph)
Sebastian (The Little Mermaid)
Maurice (Beauty and the Beast)
Roger (101 Dalmatians)
Wilbur (The Rescuers Down Under)
Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)
Lilo (Lilo & Stitch)
Nala (The Lion King)
Tala (Moana)
Moana (Moana)

OMG...all my kids have Disney names. I had NO idea.

If a girl call her Anouska (not.in Disney's, easy to speel, doubt it's a family name or a child you know name, and doubt he have any negative connections to it lol

Eilidh is gorgeous. I know someone who has an Eilidh and it took all of a couple of minutes to learn how to spell it.

I agree with him on avoiding names with negative associations for him. My MIL had 3 boys so is keen for me to use the girl's name she never got to use. It's the name of a girl who bullied me at school and I will never use it. I have also vetoed a boys name DH likes as a relative was sexually abused as a child by someone of that name. Some names you can't just use in the hope of creating a nice association for it by naming your child it.

No Disney names is reasonable in terms of Cinderella and Pocahontas but not in terms of Alice, Anna and Thomas.

No family names is reasonable in the sense of 'my brother's child's name is Cassia Sophie Smith, I don't want to have a Cassia Sophie Smith too'. It's not reasonable in the sense of 'my Dad's 3rd cousin's 30 year old son who I have never met is Oliver, we can't have Oliver too'.

However, both parents have to come up with a list of names, one doesn't get to do no work coming up with ideas and sit there and veto the other's suggestions.

It's good he's come up with a name but make sure he comes up with more so you can have a proper discussion. If you've managed to come up with multiple names, so can he.

@Amelia666
Eilidh; aa-lay, Gaelic for Helen, I have an Eilidh. Irritatingly people are starting to make up their own spellings 🙄

Thanks for all your advice and suggestions.
Like I said it is still very early days as I'm only 10 weeks pregnant today.

Definitely not thinking of Cinderella, Pocahontas, Gaston etc from Disney. The only one I really liked was Aurora, so I'm not too put out by this request.

Totally understand links with bad memories - I.e. his school bully. So that's fine.

I'm working on a list just now, so will ask DH to do the same in a few weeks (for boy and girl names) and we can compare etc. My mum's got a baby names book I used to read all the time as a wee girl, so will find out if she's still got it so we can get more ideas re. meanings etc.

Maybe he will get a bit more involved later in the pregnancy, it takes a while for the reality to sink in for some people.

I would ask him to go through the top 1000 names for each sex and make a list of the ones he likes/highlight the ones he likes.

Then you can do the same, separately and see what you have in common.

www.britishbabynames.com/blog/top-1000-names-in-england-and-wales-2019.html