The rights to a name?

[cem90]

We are due with our 2nd daughter in a few months and have narrowed our choices down to 2 names.
We don't tell many people the options but my SIL asked (who I'm close to) so mentioned that one of the names we like is Sophia and that the middle name was going to be Isabelle (after my mum)
She then told me that her next baby name (she's not pregnant or trying) is Sophia Isabella (middle name after her grandmother) and that Sophia had been a potential for one of their current children and was definitely what they are calling their next child.
I told her that we had no idea and it's one of the few names we had both decided on (due to our jobs we are both fussy and it's taken us a long time to come up with two potential names we both like) she got a bit arsey and told me that she would be naming their next child that regardless of whether we do or not.
This was a few weeks back and I still like the name as a potential but now my husband thinks we should remove it from our two options to prevent any arguments.
In my mind though why should we change it - she doesn't have the rights to a name, we didn't know it was one they liked, she's not pregnant and as much as she wants another they don't know they will have one and even if they do who says it will be a girl anyway! If it was the other way round I'm positive they wouldn't change it for us.
The middle names will be similar regardless as they are family names but she and now my husband make me feel like I'm being out of order wanting Sophia as a potential name! But why should I remove it off my list?
Would love an outsiders perspective x

OP, she’s not even pregnant, and the (imaginary) baby is not even a girl. Use the name you love, and definitely don’t worry about middle names, which nobody can ever remember.

My husband thinks we should remove it from our two options to prevent any arguments.

Why is it ALWAYS the DW and not the DSis who has to back down in these situations to keep the peace?

Never tell people the names until baby is born.

Now that you have told her, you still have the right to use it if you want, especially since you told her before she told you! You just have to be okay when she also calls her baby Sophia.

Use the name (very pretty). Sorry, but you are there first, she isn't even pregnant and if she does have another baby it might be a boy, so why should you not be able to use the name you like. If she eventually has a daughter and gives her the same name then so be it. Your DH is being ridiculous.

I would use the name you love. You had no idea she liked that name and what if you decided not to use it so she could, she did go on to have another baby and it was a girl and then she decided to name her something different in the end? You'd have changed the name you'd chosen for no reason

Noone has any rights to names.

But I might be tempted not to use itnow, to avoid the issue. Tell her you decided it was too tacky

One of you can switch the names - easy

OP - just to say I was being facetious of course - I don't really think your name choice is tacky!

Stick with your choice of name . You are currently expecting, she’s not and like others have said , if she does get pregnant, what’s to say it’ll be a girl

Stick with it.
I was in a similar position to SIL except I was pregnant at the time. I didn't cause an argument about it I said that was the name we are using for a boy so just so they knew in case it bothered them that there might be two. Luckily I found out I was having a girl before their boy was born.

No one has the right to a name so you and SIL can call your child whatever you like. I'm not sure why you should have to change - use the name you love.

Use the name.
She's bluffing and probably won't use the exact same name for her future baby.
By the time she gets pregnant, people will raise an eyebrow at her name choice, if she does choose the name, which will probably put her off.

I think you can use the names.

Now, what are these jobs that make you fussier than everyone else?

I have a friend who went through this exact same scenario. She changed the name to keep the peace. Her sister had another baby a couple of years later and used a totally different name. Claimed she didn't even remember having a conversation about the original name! Use it.

Just be breezy, 'oh we must have similar tastes!' and use it anyway if that's what you decide is your favourite. Especially with the connection to your mum.

Imagine, in 3 years time SIL announces the birth of her new daughter.... Lucy Annabelle. How would you feel NOT using a name over nothing. And as PP says, she might not have another one or might have a boy.

I understand a bit the disappointment. BIL/SIL used a name I had always loved, but I never said anything to them!

Just shrug and say you don't mind the cousins having the same name.

Odds are she won't use it anyway, because clearly them having the same name would bother her. She also might have a boy, or no more kids. Don't let it worry you.

No, don’t back down.. she might never even have a daughter or might change her mind.

The person who has the baby first gets to use the name they want... and the other person gets to chose if they still want to use it when they have their hypothetical baby afterwards.

She should never have asked you not to use it. And you should never have told her your name options in the first place!

Don't be daft. My sister used a name I had earmarked for DC2 for her DC3. We chose another name. No drama. Just shows you have similar taste in names.
She might not get pregnant, or she might have a boy, and then you would regret not using it.
Never a good idea to reveal a name until the baby is born.

First come, first serve

Is she normally a bit strange OP?
Even if you’re tempted to change the first name, don’t change the middle name. Isabelle is a family name and nobody knows or cares about middle names except for the parents of the child. Cousins having the same middle names would actually be quite sweet.
In the past when people used a smaller number of names, it was quite normal to have cousins with the same name - Mary, Jane etc. My family tree is full of Sarahs and Johns. No big deal.

It's a gorgeous name. Use it. She might never get to use it anyway. Honestly don't give it head space and best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Utterly ridiculous. Some of my favourite names were used by close family/friends. They just didn’t go on the list. Do not change it unless there is another name you want more. Never tell anyone in advance of baby’s arrival.

she got a bit arsey and told me that she would be naming their next child that regardless of whether we do or not.

Well, that’s your answer! Given that you’re the one who is actually pregnant and is actually going to be having a girl, I’d stick to my guns. Nobody “owns” a name; she doesn’t and neither do you, even if you use it. (That said, if she does decide to use the exact same name as her brother has chosen, she’s going to look rather odd, but that’s not your problem either!)

She wants you to avoid using a name just so that she can have the option of using it, in the event that she gets pregnant and on the 50/50 chance it's a girl?! Tell her where to shove it!

The fact she thinks she owns the name and is saying she will use it no matter what would make me even more sure to use the name (which is lovely).
She will look like a right fool if she does have a daughter and uses the same first and very similar second name as you have for your dd. I would dare bet that she won't though- and she knows she would look pathetic.
She simply thinks you are weak and that she can bully you out of using it by laying claim.
Not.A.Chance.
Congratulations on Sophia Isabelle OP.

No you literally told her what you were planning to call your DD - you are expecting

She told you what she is planning on calling her theoretical DD (and could change her mind - and certainly she wouldn’t worry about you if she did)

Call your child what you want, you can’t “reserve” a name, that’s crackers