The rights to a name?

[cem90]

We are due with our 2nd daughter in a few months and have narrowed our choices down to 2 names.
We don't tell many people the options but my SIL asked (who I'm close to) so mentioned that one of the names we like is Sophia and that the middle name was going to be Isabelle (after my mum)
She then told me that her next baby name (she's not pregnant or trying) is Sophia Isabella (middle name after her grandmother) and that Sophia had been a potential for one of their current children and was definitely what they are calling their next child.
I told her that we had no idea and it's one of the few names we had both decided on (due to our jobs we are both fussy and it's taken us a long time to come up with two potential names we both like) she got a bit arsey and told me that she would be naming their next child that regardless of whether we do or not.
This was a few weeks back and I still like the name as a potential but now my husband thinks we should remove it from our two options to prevent any arguments.
In my mind though why should we change it - she doesn't have the rights to a name, we didn't know it was one they liked, she's not pregnant and as much as she wants another they don't know they will have one and even if they do who says it will be a girl anyway! If it was the other way round I'm positive they wouldn't change it for us.
The middle names will be similar regardless as they are family names but she and now my husband make me feel like I'm being out of order wanting Sophia as a potential name! But why should I remove it off my list?
Would love an outsiders perspective x

Thanks everyone- it's good To to know people think just keep it. As much as I wanted to it did worry my that I would be the one that looks like an arse if I did.
My original plan had been to keep it but I guess 4am pregnancy insomnia your mind goes into overdrive and this was what was racing around my head.
If she does end up having another baby and a girl then we will just have to except the same name is a possibility.

And to the lady that asked... we work with animals and with children so there's a lot of name association in that that puts you off - you don't want to give your child the same name as that Jack Russell that bit you or the little girl that sets fires! We loved a lot of names but with most the other would rule them out due to stuff like that lol it made a decision very difficult. X

Your DH needs to speak to his sister and tell her that she is being a fucking idiot.

She isn't pregnant, she isn't trying, she may not even have a second DC and if she does it may not be a DD.

She cannot keep a name "just in case" all the stars align at some random point in the future.

Keep the name.
I know of sisters where one picked a name. Loved it. Other sister insisted that it was "hers", had always intended to use it. Basically threw a strop. So it wasnt used.
Obviously a few years down the line, sister had a baby and "changed her mind". Name went unused.

Definitely use the name you love.

Your SIL may never have a daughter! Or if she does she may well have changed her mind on names.

Ridiculous not to use it “just in case”.

Sophia/Sofia is the most popular name in the world for girls so no one has claim to it!

Isabel/Isabelle/Isobelle etc is also one if the most popular names in the UK over he past 5-10 years so there will be 100s if not 1000s of little girls with this name combination.

She's being ridiculous as she's not even pregnant, but it's a very common name combination so you will meet lots in your wider circle of acquaintances as she grows up

What everyone else said! Out of interest, does she have any DDs already? Because if she does but she decided against using the names for them I'd be raising an eyebrow.

@EssentialHummus

What everyone else said! Out of interest, does she have any DDs already? Because if she does but she decided against using the names for them I'd be raising an eyebrow.

I hadn't even really thought of that - She has two DDs already and I'm not sure about her older daughter but Sophia definitely didn't come up with the younger one. We discussed names lots with her DD2 and my DD1 as we were both pregnant at the same time and at similar stages too (her daughter being born just 20 days after mine).

So she’s keeping the name for a hypothetical third daughter 😂 lol, no.

What a delight she is.

Use the name, she has no rights over it. And tell her she is very welcome to also call her daughter, if she has one, the same name as you also have no rights over it. It is completely up to her. And she will look like the idiot she is.

Right, so she’s had two opportunities to use these names and has decided against... yeah. All yours!

A school friend's cousin had the same first name and surname as friend, was a bit weird but it happens and who cares, they'll be in different school years, likely different friendship groups and different jobs later in life. No one owns a name, just do what you want

(due to our jobs we are both fussy and it's taken us a long time to come up with two potential names we both like)

What about your jobs makes you fussy about choosing baby names? That really confused me!

But yanbu. You are pregnant so I'd go ahead and use the name. She doesn't own the rights to it. She's not even pg or ttc!

ten I’d guess they both work with children

Your baby actually exists, your SILs doesn’t. So while no one really has more rights to a name than anyone else, you definitely have more reason to take the name now.

As long as you don’t get upset if sil does use the same name if the time comes, which it probably won’t, then there’s no problem. Tell your husband to stop being silly.

Concur with what everyone else has said. I’d be narked at her putting you in such a horrible position though, not cool at all. DH needs to have a word. She’s being ridiculous.

Agree with everyone else, use it. She’s the one who’ll look a bit odd if she has another daughter further down the line and gives her the same name as yours. She’s the one who’ll get the looks not you. Beautiful name - use it!

You cannot bag a name for a baby you’re not pregnant with or a gender you might never have.

SIL and I had kids at the same time.
Boys name wasn’t an issue.
We ended up pregnant with girls at the same though though and she considered our girls name briefly. I didn’t mind, didn’t have any issue but did make it clear it was our only choice and that we wouldn’t be changing our minds. I suggested different nicknames to make it easier on family to identify

SIL changed her mind I knew she would. I’m the kinda person who can see someone in the office wearing the same dress as me and be like ‘hey nice dress’. SIL would be mortified and not wear the dress again ... two types of people!

Keep Sophia - it's a very lovely and very popular name. Potentially having 2 cousins both named Sophia Isabelle isn't a huge deal imo - there are bound to to be lots of other Sophie's/Sofia's/Sophia's of a similar age they are going to run into (and nobody will know their middle names).

Your SIL is just annoyed you got there first, but who knows, by the time if/when she has a DD she could have gone off Sophia and you could regret not using it!

I would definitely use it now, even if I had been undecided before.

Don't let her bump you off a name! She may never have this imaginary girl.

If she also calls her non existent baby Sophia then she'll have to get used to sharing it with others anyway. It's a very popular name, I know several.

I'd use it and tell her to do one - she's saving a name for an imaginary child she may not even have

Congratulations I think it's a lovely name choice

Use the name.

She might never have a girl, she might change her mind. Even if she doesn't plenty of families have similar or the same names.

Sophia is a lovely name and it's no big deal for two cousins to share a name. Your SiL is being ridiculous - how many Sophia's does she think there are in the country? Plus she's not even pregnant plus even if she was it may not be a girl!

It reminds me of an episode of Say Yes To The Dress re bridal dresses. The bride to be arrived with mother and younger sister. Went into a room to try on one of the dresses, came out to ask opinions, to be told by sister 'if you choose that dress I will never speak to you again because that is the dress I want for my wedding.'

There was great puzzlement because she wasn't engaged, wasn't close to being engaged, she didn't even have a boyfriend!

@Crankley I've seen that episode people are crazy

May2021Mummy
@Crankley I've seen that episode people are crazy

So true, in one episode a black woman who was a 'tad' overweight, put on a strapless dress. Her boobs were overflowing and on seeing herself in the mirror, screamed 'Oh my God, I look just like Princess Diana!'