One family: Tom, Tommy AND Thomas?

[pinkorblue21]

Firstly, I know "no one owns a name" but people can have strong opinions.

So, this is the situation;

Paternal cousin has a DS15 called Thomas, but nn Tommy.
Maternal cousin has DS5 called Thomas. Always Thomas, never shortened.
I'm the common denominator cousin, the other two know each other but not well. They would see each other rarely, usually weddings etc within our middle family. They'd be aware of each other's children, but I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't know names.

I'm now pregnant with DC1. The only boy name DH and I can really agree on is Thomas, nn Tom.

So in my family there would be a Tommy, Thomas and Tom. That's weird isn't it? Potential to offend/raise eyebrows on both sides of the family?

Do I need to strike it from the (very short) list?

Don’t worry, we have 2 James, a Jim and a Jimmy (all names are James on birth Certificate). A great grandad was also a Jimmy but he has passed away

Personally I wouldn’t name my child the same name as my cousin’s son (if I’ve understood the description correctly).

And I would find it odd if my cousin named their child the same as my child. I guess it is a common name, it would feel more like “copying” if it was a more unusual name.

Will either of them have the same surname as your DS?

So the children would be 2nd cousins? I think that's fine - if they only see each other at occasional family weddings, then it's hardly going to cause confusion on a daily/weekly basis (and Thomas is such a popular name anyway, each lad is bound to meet/know quite a few other Thomas/Tommy/Tom's over their lives).

No I wouldn't use it.

My partner is a James but his family call him Jamie. His son is a James and his nephew is a Jamie. It was a bit confusing at first following who was who but its fine. Call your baby what you want to xx

We have the same names across 3 cousins. No one cares.

I think you should use it. I don't think the relations are close enough for it to be weird in any way that you have picked that name. I have a Thomas, it's a great name x

I have 46 first cousins. I think it's fine. If you only have the two cousins and you seem them both fairly often it might be weird.

If the kids were first cousins I'd think twice, but your child will be second cousin to each of the other children. I'd go with it.

We have three cousins who are Alex, Alec and Alexander. No one seems to notice or care.

I'd go with it. On my mum's side of my family I've got a cousin called Jessica, and another cousin called their child Jessica. I've never heard it mentioned.

I have a lot of cousins on my dad's side, many of whom live in Ireland. The amount of Marys, Patricks, Margarets, Theresas is unbelievable. And that's not including cousins children. Again, nobody's turned a hair.

@JemimaTiggywinkle No, none would have the same surname.

I am worried that both sides of the family would think it's weird.

For more context, there are 8 cousins in total. 12 children between them, so it's not like the only children of three cousins are Tom, Tommy & Thomas. Plenty of other kids in the mix! Last time they saw each other was my wedding 2 years ago. My brother is (hopefully) getting married early 2022 so that's likely to be the next time they see each other.

In my family there are 5 names that are multi generational but its always passed to a nephew or grandson never to your son.
So e.g. James Sr's nephew is called James but James Sr's son is called David after his uncle David - its complicated.
At this point we have 4 generations with shared names, but its just normal to us now and no one in the family finds it weird or confusing

Seems fine to me, you are all using slightly different forms of the name, plus your DS is much younger. Cannot see anyone would be upset by it.

Neighbours have similar. GF, S, GS and another close family member with either the name or 1 form of nick name. So to distinguish they get Old Name, Young Name etc. It works!

It’s fine. My grandparents have two grandsons named Dave, never been an issue. It would probably be weirder if they were the only grandkids but there’s 14 of us so no one cared

It’s fine. Ds has a first cousin with a virtually identical name to his. When they first chose it I was a bit WTF but actually it’s fine.

I think it's fine. I have 4 cousins, who share names... and plenty more cousinsvwho don't. It's not an issue. I do think Thomas will be very popular this year though because of Captain Tom.

I think it depends on how close you are to them - do you see them often? Are the kids likely to play together often? Etc. Having said that, Tom / Thomas is a very common name, so I'm sure they'll bump into loads of others during their lifetime - it would be more problematic if it was an unusual name. If you really love the name then use it, but personally I'd choose something different - there are so many lovely names out there, it seems a bit daft to choose the same one as lots of people you know. Other classic boys names you might like include: Harry, Henry, Jack, Fred, Finn, Sam, Ben, Will etc.

@Nell96 We're all on good terms but not close. We see each other usually at Christmas (maternal and paternal families separately) and occasionally once during the summer. We're very friendly when we do see each other though.

Thomas isn't a family name, we obviously all just like it. I think I'd feel less self conscious about it if it was a family name.

If it’d been your siblings’ sons, I’d say not - but second cousins is one step removed (don’t share grandparents). So I think on that basis, it’s fine - especially if you don’t see them all that often and they see each other even more rarely.

I have the same name as my first cousin, but with a different spelling (think Sara/Sarah). We lived next door to each other! It honestly was never an issue. She was big... And I was little... Oh, and to add to the fun the girl in the next house had the same name too 🤣

It's fine IMO.

That's ok
In my family, my sister and 7 cousins an aunt and my granny all have the same name.
Granny and aunt have passed away. When talking about my cousins or sisters it does get confusing sometimes 😂

I in have three sets of cousins called Joe and Chris.two maternal sets of first - so my GP had 2 x 2 GC with the same names. One maternal set of second cousins (so those GO’s great nephews). Apart from showing and outstanding lack of imagination on my maternal family’s behalf and a liberal use of surnames, it has been too much of a problem.