Engaged - so who's last name to give?

[Delilah221]

Hi All,

Apologies if this is the wrong place to post, just wanted some advice!

We're currently TTC our first, and we got engaged around 3 weeks ago!

Basically - before we got engaged, I said to my OH that if we're not married when we have children, the baby would take my last name until we got married. (This was not a push for him to propose as i said this around 2 years ago!) I think it's fair as I would've carried them/birthed them and wouldn't like them having a different last name to me. (This may sound childish/selfish i know)

I also am confused as to how it would work at hospital/docs when your baby has a different last name to you?

However, as we are now engaged and looking to get married in 2022, I'm unsure as to what sure name to give our future bubba? My gut is saying to give them my last name until we marry, and then update both mine and babies name on the birth certificate once we get married. But on the flip side, should i give them my OH's last name and just update mine when we get married? I have no doubt that the wedding wouldn't happen (If it didn't it would be down to Covid, not us deciding not to lol)

I appreciate this may sound ridiculous to some as we're still TTC and don't have a baby on the way yet. It's just something that has been on my mind for a while and having a different last name to my own child is something i feel quite strongly about.

Apologies for the lengthy post, any help/advice would be great!

Your name or double barrelled not his name. Too many of my friends have regretted giving their children boyfriends and fiancé’s names. It’s the principle of it. Plus you would be the one doing the hard work with pregnancy and giving birth!

Yours, then you can always travel with your own child and not be questioned, in the unfortunate event that you don't get married because you will have the same name.

Women and children are no longer the possession of men which is where that 'tradition' comes from, not some romantic coupling identity which most women in here think it still is.

@Markies

Fathers name. Child will take it anyway so just give them it now.

Why will the child take it anyway? 🙄

@PrivateParty one that specifically affects the child is what happens financially after a split. I think unmarried fathers only have to pay basic child maintenance. If the couple are married and divorce, it could be significantly more, plus of course housing for the child will be taken into account.

I may be wrong but for those saying getting married before hand, I’m pretty sure that it actually protects the father better than the mother to be married before having children.

@Yennefer19

I may be wrong but for those saying getting married before hand, I’m pretty sure that it actually protects the father better than the mother to be married before having children.

Not at all. How would it? And why would there be so many men dragging their feet and fathering children here and there?

I mean, strictly speaking it gives the most protection to the lower-earning or stay-at-home spouse who has primary responsibility for the children. That could be the man, but is usually the woman.

@sandandso I think that where mothers always get parental rights, unless the dad is married to the mother then parental rights are not automatic.

Give the child your name.

Then he takes your name on marriage. Simple :)

[quote Yennefer19]@sandandso I think that where mothers always get parental rights, unless the dad is married to the mother then parental rights are not automatic.[/quote]
OK, yes, that's true. Rights and responsibilities. I think most women planning to have a baby with their partner would not be planning to deny him parental responsibility. The advice not to marry for that reason would make sense for a woman who has become pregnant by a man she doesn't want anything to do with, but not for one who is happily coupled up and thinks marriage is just a piece of paper.