Baby name regret

[TinyJJ]

Hello
I'm new here and looking for some advice.
I had a little boy just over 3 weeks ago. We couldn't decide on a name whilst pregnant and even whilst I was in hospital waiting for a bed on the labour ward to be induced, we were looking at baby name lists. My other half didn't like any of my suggestions. He had one name he liked which I didn't. With my daughter naming her was easy and we both agreed on a name before she was born.

My son was born and it took us 3 days to name him but even then I wasn't 100% on the name we have chosen. I felt pressured to decide on a name as we were having people asking us 'have we got a name yet' and the names I loved, my other half didn't and I felt like I had no choice but to agree to this name.
Now he's just over 3 weeks old and I'm really struggling with his name. I feel like I can't call him it and it's affecting me bonding with him. When I hear someone say it I cringe and I'm really upset about it all. I've spoken to my other half about it and he isn't keen at all to change his name and keeps saying 'it's a lovely name' and 'that's his name now'. He's worried about telling people his name has been changed whereas I don't care about that as people will forget and what with covid, nobody has properly met him.
The problem is I don't really have a definite name I would want instead. My other half has said what do you want to change it to and I don't know. I like classic, traditional but not common names. Nearly all the names I've suggested my other half has said no to (Albert and Rupert as examples). Since he's been born I really like the name Edward, with nn Ted but I feel like I know my other half will say no. His middle name is fine but is a family name so I don't want this to be used as a first name. I would also be happy to keep his current first name as a middle name so he has two middle names because it's not that I dislike the name, I just feel like it doesn't fit him as his first name. Plus keeping it as a middle name still gives him what he was identified as for 3 weeks.
I look at my son and think I love him so much and he's such a beautiful baby but I really dislike his name and I'm really annoyed with myself and frustrated that I can't get past this. It's consuming me.
What do I do? Do I seriously push to change his name or do I leave it?
Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation and if anyone on here did change their child's name? I'm in the UK.
Thank you

What about Theodore with nickname ted? What is his current first name though?

There are so many names in the world that it would be sad to settle in one you don't like. However, you need to have an idea of what name you do want (along with your dp). Have you explained to him that it's causing upset with bonding?
Congratulations.

This happened to my friend with her little boys name, she says it’s because it was not her first choice (DH vetoed her first choice)

However 3 years down the line she did not go ahead and change his name, he soon grew into the name and says now there is not another name that would suit him more (even her first choice)

I know someone with twins who changed their names a fortnight after she'd named them from very traditional Irish to more street names. She kept the Irish names as middle names. It wasn't weird. It's a big pressure. I also know loads of people who never get called by their first name but by their second name.

What was the original name? Is it a family name?

There are so many names in the world that it would be sad to settle in one you don't like. However, you need to have an idea of what name you do want (along with your dp).

Agree with this. There is nothing wrong with changing his name at an early stage though, if you really dislike it - it isn't that big of a deal (Is he even formally registered yet?). Leaving his "old name" as an extra middle name is a nice idea too.

But if your DP loves the name he's chosen, can you say what you don't like about it (ie. is it too old fashioned, too popular, don't like the sound etc?) Or can you tell us your daughters name, then it would be easier to make suggestions that might help (as we would know what your style is/ what would "fit") ; as Edward, Rupert and Albert are fairly different styles imo - although they have a theme of being traditional and are two syllable (I would count Edward as a true classic, Rupert as more quirky, and Albert as a retro/vintage name).

True classics like Edward (top 100 for the last century) are James, Alexander, William, Thomas, George and Charles.

Other well known or classic 2 syllable names you might like (some are more quirky or retro and a couple should be 3 syllable but are often pronounced as 2): Samuel, Henry/Harry, Michael, Jacob, Alfred, Frederick, Adam, Rowan, Isaac, Rufus, Joseph, Lucas, Marcus, Robert, Matthew, Owen, Oscar, Felix, Evan, Maxim, Leo.

You definitely need to talk it over more if it’s upsetting you so much. Have an honest discussion with your partner about how it’s making you feel. It sounds like you’re keen on Edward, so it would be good to get his opinion on that

You need to be very clear and strong with your partner that the baby's name has to change. You have as much right as him in this. Edward/Ted sounds like a great choice and, as you say, it can go in front of his current names.

Put it back on your partner: If he doesn't want Edward/Ted then he needs to come up with something you do like. Don't compromise again on something you don't want.

I know some would not agree with this, but if you have chosen Ted, and he can't come up with another suggestion that you agree with, I'd just start calling him Ted. I say this because I have been pushed into names that I didn't love, and would handle the situation differently if I had my time again.

Honestly, change it.
Your opinion is just (more?) as important as dp (and you did all the hard work growing and birthing him).

My youngest dc was nearly called something else- a name I’ve come to despise for another reason- and I thank the universe almost everyday for digging my heels in to avoid their dads preferred first name (and he ran off leaving us anyway!).
No one said anything when we finally settled on their actual name.

@MercyBodle put it better than me, listen to her!

Feeling as you do, you absolutely do need to change it. Don't compromise, you both have to like it.

Naming my own three was easy as DH is so easy going he agreed with all my suggestions, but he did have a veto on anything he disliked.

You are going to have to push for what you want - and as you are the one who gave birth, you get the final decision. If the baby has his surname you definitely get the casting vote.

Btw, Edward with the diminutive Ted is great.

Thank you all. Had a bit of a meltdown this morning.
His name is Chester, my daughter is Nancy. I do like the name. I like it that it's not common, it's strong and an old name but now when I hear it doesn't feel right. My other half said this morning to just change it to whatever I want. He's upset about it. I'm going to bring up Edward later I think.
I think I need to change it.
Thank you

Eduard is much better imo

I like Chester much more than Edward!

I know an Edward, as he has got older it has been shortened to Eddie or Ed, it’s a lovely strong name and will stand him in good stead when he gets older.

Just change it.

Better than a lifetime of regret.

Just to offer another view, I was the same so unsure of 2nd child's name and would have changed it but she's now 8 and I can't imagine her as the other names I liked. The health visitor said pnd can manifest as name regret in some cases. That's not to say you should keep the name, do what's right for your family. I think both are lovely and go nicely with your daughters name for what it's worth. Though I would prefer Chester as it's less common, at least where I live. Best wishes.

You need to follow your instinct here. Changing a baby's name happens surprisingly often. Your bonding with your baby and sense of peace is more important than any small inconvenience.
Best wishes.

Love Edward. Really not keen on chester... Maybe that's because I live there so see it more as a city than a name

Yeah.....Edward is a million times better than Chester.
Chester?????

Totally understandable. I have a thing for names and imagine certain people with names I'd have given them (sad I know!). Names are a wonderful thing; they're our identity and like you said, a bond with your child.

If it doesn't feel right, change it. For what it's worth, Edward is my favourite name for a boy, if we have one. It's gorgeous, timeless and classic without being boring IMO. Fabulous nicknames so you've got options if he doesn't like the full name or nicknames through the stages of his life.

I can see what you mean with Chester. A lovely name but I agree that you can't compare it to a name like Edward which has stood the test of time.

Go with your heart

Both are lovely names and whatever you decide it will be the right outcome. Don’t over think this,
Go with your heart ♥️

Edward is SO much better than Chester! Definitely change it x

I don"t think it really matters whether we prefer Edward or Chester and I don't think it's a good idea to criticize the name of the OP's tiny baby. It's actually quite cruel as I imagine she's feeling really emotional.

OP I went through exactly this with my second DS. I agonised and agonised over it and kick myself now for obsessing over it in his early months.
We decided to stick with the name because we still couldn't find another we both agreed on.
DH hated my alternatives and I found our compromise names boring.
I have now grown to love his name at 10 months. His elder brother's name is more common and whilst I love it I kind of wish it was a bit more unusual. Now he has started school I find I appreciate the slightly more unusual names you hear less often.

When I saw it written on his Santa sack at Christmas I thought...aww that's his name. I felt so relieved.

There must have been something you liked about the name when you chose it?
Sometimes when you obsess over these things it makes you hate the name just by thinking about it too much.
Don't rush into anything just yet. FWIW I think Chester is lovely, as is Edward, but Chester is a bit different without being weird. It's quite cool. Enjoy your snuggles with him whatever you choose to name him. Don't stress.

I actually really like the name Chester. However, it's the sort of name that a child grows into - I imagine that it wouldn't suit any baby, straightaway. My friend gave her baby a rather grown up name and said at the time 'I don't think she looks like a [name] yet'. However, her daughter got older and now her name suits her entirely!

At the other end of the scale, Jamie Oliver called his son Buddy Bear, which a child would outgrow at the age of about 2. It's much better for the baby to have a grown up name than a childish one.

Having said all that, Edward Chester is a really nice combination too. If you still want to switch, Edward is a good choice.

I like Chester better than Edward.
But it’s not my baby.
You do both need to agree on a name though, both your and your DH’s opinions matter.