Did you change surnames?

[howtheturntables]

This is not specifically regarding a baby name but I'm wondering what to do with surnames. DP and I will be getting married next year and plan on having children. Neither of us have any children at the moment or been married before.

I would like to know what you did with your surname? Did you change it? Double barrelled? Which one did you give your kids?

And most importantly... do you wish you had done it any differently?

Married.

We both have quite weird surnames that we kept.

DC has double-barrelled weird surname as best solution. Hope he’s a fast writer

@Parker231

But why do the majority of women change their surname but very few men?

Coz women must be identified only in relation to men, innit.

That’s why so wait for a man to rescue them and change their apparently hideous birth names (which no doubt their male relatives live with perfectly well). Presumably the straightforward deed poll option is too much for their pretty little heads to worry about.

Being spoken down to by self proclaimed feminists offends me at least as much as being spoken down to by misogynists. At least the latter group rarely claim to be fighting for me whilst talking about and to me like I am a worthless, ignorant piece of shit simply because I made a choice they don't value.

@picosandsancerre

I have been sent cards to Mr and Mrs my husbands name, folks assuming i have changed my name, my best friend actually couldnt understand why i hadnt. I have had more grief from woman about not changing my name as they just couldnt understand why I wouldnt. Yes lets hide behind a choice- in truth it is assumed/expected that woman change there names on marriage. Most do and dont even question it or 'make' a choice, you get married and change all your documents without a second thought as it is what you do.

I chose not to change my name and still get comments about it..

I have an aunt who sends me cheques addressed to me - in the only name I have ever used - in an envelope marked Mrs Hisname.

I don’t understand it (and no, I don’t cash them).

@unmarkedbythat

Being spoken down to by self proclaimed feminists offends me at least as much as being spoken down to by misogynists. At least the latter group rarely claim to be fighting for me whilst talking about and to me like I am a worthless, ignorant piece of shit simply because I made a choice they don't value.

Actually, you’ve explained that your DH had the same considerations as you. There’s no issue there.

It’s that it is routinely expected of women and rarely of men that is the issue.

But it is a bit annoying as people often get it wrong and call me Claire Fox, or add in a hyphen when I don't have one. Or just carry on calling me Claire Turner

If there is no hyphen, how do people know that the first part of your surname isn't a middle name?
Does it cause issues in filing systems?

I have an aunt who sends me cheques addressed to me - in the only name I have ever used - in an envelope marked Mrs Hisname.
I don’t understand it (and no, I don’t cash them)

Why don't you cash them?

Does it cause issues in filing systems?

DH and I both kept our names after marriage. I would have considered us both double-barrelling but it would have been 8 syllables and very long, and neither of us really wanted to do it.

I didn't have a strong preference when it came to what surname DC would have, though I thought it might be more practical for them to take his (I thought a man flying with children with a different surname might be more likely to be questioned about it at airports etc than a woman doing so). However, he wants them to have mine (he likes that it's shorter/easier than his) so that's what they're getting.

Feminist10101 what an incredibly rude and patronising post.

I changed my name, just as my mum did. We may use my maiden name as a middle name.
I want to have the same name as my children otherwise what’s the point in getting married at all? It’s all about the name for me and becoming a family united under a name.
I can understand making a name double barrelled but what happens when the next generation marry, will their kids have quadruple-barrelled names?

I want to have the same name as my children otherwise what’s the point in getting married at all? It’s all about the name for me and becoming a family united under a name.

That’s fine. Why aren’t you considering using your name for your family though?

We got married for the legal protection it offers. It is, after all, a legal contract at the end of the day. That’s it. DH and I are still very much individuals (we don’t share bank accounts or ask permission for anything) after 18 years.

I never felt the need to share a surname with DD. I grew her. That’s where our bond originates.

I'm married to a Spaniard and living in Spain. Here, noone changes their surname when they marry. Children inherit two surnames, their father's followed by their mother's.

Although it'd be easier for me on the one hand to have a Spanish surname and not have to spell out my own Viking one every time, the Spanish authorities' heads would explode if I tried to change it.

Plus, I just didn't want to change mine. I don't see why I should.

We chose a new surname, not just for our DC but for all of us. It's a perfectly unremarkable name from somewhere in DP's family tree, but he has a strong emotional attachment to it and I think it sounds nice with my first name.

I'd have been happy for the kids to have his original surname and I would keep my own, but he wasn't so into that. The fact that we have both taking a new name to match our daughter is actually really nice - doesn't put the burden of paperwork on just one of us, and felt like a very symbolic moment in terms of becoming a family. Like we made an active choice in terms of this new identity.

I know some people might thing it's a bit out there, but it works for us.

That would have been the only way I would have considered changing my name. As DH wasn’t taken by Beckham, Schumacher or Einstein we stayed as we were.

We both changed surname to a meaningful family name.

What used to baffle me is what would happen if we had children that I wanted to have my name? Triple barrel

Oh, they would doubtless keep adding names down the generations until the great great grandchildren had 42 surnames.

Or....make the choice that they must liked. Keep the double-barrelled name, keep one half (maybe girls keep Mothers , Boys the fathers) , make up a new name, combine names to make a new one..... The point about making a decision that goes against the default (patriarchal, IMO) status quo is that you are not pressured by tradition, or what is considered etiquette but actually make a decision about what you want to do.

My DC have a 5-syllable hyphenated surname - they are intelligent people with an ability to think for themselves and whatever they choose to do with THEIR names I will not be putting any pressure on them or criticising.

We double barrelled, the practice of taking a man's surname is really strange and outdated. No way I'd have taken his and to be honest I'm surprised so many do it without thinking.

I use both my maiden name and married name fairly interchangeably. I could never be that bothered to change passport or drivers licence and for a few old bank accounts. And my married name at work and for day to day life. I like using 2 names!

My maiden name is a bit dull and common and DH's was slightly more unusual.

Very traditional - changed my name when we got married. My maiden name was hard to spell and I've spent the past 30 years correcting people. Husbands name is much easier to spell.

I sometimes think maybe I should have made my maiden name my middle name (as I don't have one!) but there was no real reason for me to do it.

We were engaged with the wedding venue booked when we had our first baby, so even though he was "Baby Mums maiden name" on his hospital name tag we registered him "Baby dads surname" when we registered his name to save the paper work a few months later...

Simplest option is for baby to have your name and then for your DP to adopt that too on marriage if he wants the same as DC.

I changed my name to DH because I wanted to. End of .

All 4 of us are hyphenated with his and my name, it's a mouthful but fair to everyone