Did you change surnames?

[howtheturntables]

This is not specifically regarding a baby name but I'm wondering what to do with surnames. DP and I will be getting married next year and plan on having children. Neither of us have any children at the moment or been married before.

I would like to know what you did with your surname? Did you change it? Double barrelled? Which one did you give your kids?

And most importantly... do you wish you had done it any differently?

@Yesyoudoknowme

Just as another thought - my mother has always reasoned that the children should take the mothers name - so the surname gets passed down the female line - 'because you never can be 100% sure who the father is - but you always certain who the mother is' - and that is very true...

It's not true.

I changed my name. DH was going to take mine but we are inherently lazy and for various reasons his doing so would have involved a lot of faff, plus I really liked his. So I made his surname mine and we gave our children that one.

Make no mistake, the surname I took by choice is mine, as much mine as the one I was born with. I wouldn't change it if I divorced. It's mine. I chose it.

I have been sent cards to Mr and Mrs my husbands name, folks assuming i have changed my name, my best friend actually couldnt understand why i hadnt. I have had more grief from woman about not changing my name as they just couldnt understand why I wouldnt. Yes lets hide behind a choice- in truth it is assumed/expected that woman change there names on marriage. Most do and dont even question it or 'make' a choice, you get married and change all your documents without a second thought as it is what you do.

I chose not to change my name and still get comments about it..

I changed mine as my maiden name is too tied to my abusive father.

I changed my name when I got married, regretted it and am now changing back to my maiden name by deed poll. Child will have both surnames, probably hyphenated (his-mine). Husband keeping his name.

@Yesyoudoknowme

Just as another thought - my mother has always reasoned that the children should take the mothers name - so the surname gets passed down the female line - 'because you never can be 100% sure who the father is - but you always certain who the mother is' - and that is very true...

Well I'm 100% certain who my DCs father is

We each kept our own surname because those are our names.

For kids we decided that boys would get his surname and girls would get mine.

I would say if you are undecided, don't change it on official documents. You can switch to his surname anytime you like by showing a marriage cert but going back is difficult (unless you get divorced).

I married someone with the same surname (no relation).

I changed mine because I didn't particularly like mine anyway, it sounded odd double barrelled and our kids already had his surname. I love my married surname and would keep it even if we divorced.

Husband and I have both changed our names (double barrelled), DC have the same name.

My Mum said “but what happens if DC get married? Do they triple barrel? What if they marry someone with a double barrelled name too?” My response to that is I honestly don’t mind what they decide- if they marry, they need to be comfortable with the name they choose- I’m not sentimentally attached to it or anything.

I didn't like my name, but didn't like DH's name either. I tried to persuade him to change both our names to something cool but he refused.

I changed my name when I got pregnant as I wanted all of us to have the same name. I got my name from an awful man so had no attachment to it.

If I'd liked my name i would have resented changing it and would have put my foot down at all of us double-barreling or DC having my name.

I didn’t change my name because it’s my birth name and belongs to me. DC will also have my name. My birth name (can’t bring myself to use the word “maiden”) is unusual and foreign and no one can ever pronounce or spell it. I’ve never understood people in the same position as me that give up their unique and interesting name, to give themselves and their DC their partners boring common name.

I got married 30 years ago. I changed my name without hesitation simply because DH's surname is unusual and much nicer than mine. No regrets, I like the name a lot and as far as I know I'm the only person with it.

DC have DH's name too. They are adults now and have said how pleased they are that they weren't landed with my name, even as a middle name. They feel sorry for their cousins who have it as their surname.

I did.
For me it was never a question, I always knew I'd change my when I got married. I love the tradition of it. Our child obviously had our name.

Didn’t change my name (or title).

DD has DH’s surname and mine as a middle name.

Wouldn’t change any of it. DD has links to both sides of her family through her name. I wouldn’t consider changing my name until men are expected as a norm to do so as well. Anything else is blatant sexism.

@happymummy12345

I did. For me it was never a question, I always knew I'd change my when I got married. I love the tradition of it. Our child obviously had our name.

Yes. It’s so lovely to engage in those practices that remind us that women had no legal identity and were considered possessions of men like tables and horses. How utterly romantic.

@Oatmilk1

I changed my name when I got married, regretted it and am now changing back to my maiden name by deed poll. Child will have both surnames, probably hyphenated (his-mine). Husband keeping his name.

You don’t need a deed poll to use your birth name.

I changed my loooong 15 letter maiden name to my husbands very simple and common short surname
It was mainly for convenience, because i hated spelling my name all the time and people would still get it wrong. Everytime i was called people choked and coughed not knowing how to pronounce it.
Kids obviously have his name too.
Wouldnt do it differently. Even if we were to split, theres no chance i would change it back. I married very young though and had my married name almost as long as my maiden name now.

Yep I changed my name when I got married. DS has my maiden name though and has kept it, he was born before we got married though.

I kept my common occupation surname I don’t even like because I object to women changing surnames on marriage so it would be totally hypocritical to change it.

DD1 had DH’s very straightforward Spanish surname but in her short life was predominantly known by mine.
DS has DH’s surname
DD2 has mine

So my two living children have different surnames I quite like that. Don’t know if they will.

Double barrelled it. Although I didn't go with a hyphen as I thought it looked nicer without.

The only reason I changed mine was I liked the idea of having a unique name having gone through life with a commonplace name, similar to Claire Turner (not my actual name!).
So I added DH's slightly more interesting name and now my name is something like Claire Turner Fox.

I don't regret it, I like my new name. But it is a bit annoying as people often get it wrong and call me Claire Fox, or add in a hyphen when I don't have one. Or just carry on calling me Claire Turner.

I find it weird that it’s the women that seem to have the complicated to spell or pronounce names but the men the straightforward ones?

Why would that be a reason to loose your name? My DC’s have a double barrelled surname so that both sides of the family are represented. It’s long, two different languages and always has to be spelt out in the UK but DC’s have never had a problem with it and are proud of the history of both parts of their surname.

Why would that be a reason to loose your name?

It is personal choice to change your name.

But why do the majority of women change their surname but very few men?