Did you change surnames?

[howtheturntables]

This is not specifically regarding a baby name but I'm wondering what to do with surnames. DP and I will be getting married next year and plan on having children. Neither of us have any children at the moment or been married before.

I would like to know what you did with your surname? Did you change it? Double barrelled? Which one did you give your kids?

And most importantly... do you wish you had done it any differently?

I changed mine to his, with the thought that we would all have the same name when we did have children.

We had our DD nearly 4 years ago and I did like the ease and the sentiment of all being the same.

Fast forward and we are now getting divorced... I really don't want a different surname to my DD, so I have decided to keep the surname. It was a hard decision, but my love for her was stronger than my hate for him.

I kept my name, DC have husband’s surname. We discussed it and he was happy for them to have either name. It was a practical decision in the end - his is a relatively common “occupation” name that everyone knows and can spell. Mine is very uncommon and I always have to spell it which gets tedious.

I considered changing it for that reason, but it’s been my name for a long time now and I object to the concept of the woman being expected to change her name to the man’s on marriage. It surprised me how many of my friends changed their names.

Having a different surname to the kids has never been an issue for me in any situation.

I changed my name - it was fairly unusual and I always had to repeat it and spell it, DH's name is very 'normal'. My parents weren't married when I was a kid and I always felt embarrassed that my mum had a different name to me and had to explain that they weren't married, I'm aware this is probably not an issue compared to when and where I grew up but I have just always felt when I have kids I want us to have a 'family' name. If my name had been more straightforward I would have considered double barrelling.

I have kept my maiden name and DH has his. Baby will have combination. Mine is interesting and unique and DH very common. I feel that we both made this baby (and had a very difficult journey) and so it is right that both of us are represented in her name.

I kept my original surname at work/professionally as that was how I was known. I took DH surname socially so became Mrs BFL.

I never changed my name. Don't understand why woman still do it. Or assume there DC should have there dads surname. My eldest has my surname and my other 3 are double barralled.

I haven't changed my name, it was never even a question (and I think I made it clear to DH on like, date 4 or 5 that it was so!) Nothing to do with the style/sound of our surnames, both DH and I have very rare, very weird surnames that people find difficult to spell or sound. Luckily neither is long and I actually think they sound quite cool hyphenated, but DH wasn't into it and I wasn't going to do anything he wasn't willing to.

Where/when I grew up it was very common for women to keep their own names but give their kids the dad's surname, so I share a surname with my dad but not my mum. Never bothered me at all or caused a moment of bother - I certainly don't feel less connected to my mum because of it.

Because of that, I have no emotional need to share a surname with my DC. As a feminist I really want to pass on my name to them in some capacity, but it's more a case of "this is my right" than wanting or needing to "match" them. Quite frankly I'd be just as happy if we all had different ones! To me, a name doesn't make a family.

We are expecting our first DC in Feb and haven't made a decision on the surname(s) yet. All options are still on the table.

My son has his father's surname, but my surname as his middle name. My surname is not a name that would be typically used as a middle name. If we had double-barrelled, my son's surname would have been extremely long and I am happy with the middle name arrangement. Incidentally, my partner has his mother's maiden name as his middle name and is very proud of it. I think it's a good alternative to double-barrelling if the two surnames are incompatible or long.

Completely outing but we all have my surname (DH has double barrelled). My surname was more important to me than his to him, and he double barrelled just in case there was any likelihood of confusion about parental responsibility at a time when I wasn’t present. Day to day he uses his own name. It’s one of the many reasons he’s such a great husband and father.

I did as I had a difficult to spell, difficult to pronounce foreign surname. I a little bit miss being unique as my DH has a very common short British surname, but overall it's so nice not to have to spell it all the time! I'm also happy our future DC will have the same names as both of us.

We weren't married, dc have his surname. Split up 11 years ago. Never bothered me at all that they have his name.
It seems to upset other people though

@AngloFen

I changed mine to my partner's last name. His is very unique, mine is the most common in the UK lol and I wanted my family unit to be united under one name for the sake of the children's identity (we are the insert-surnames') and as others have said for ease of flying and stops confusion at schools, though it is more common now for names to be different. Christmas cards are simpler. It also makes me feel closer to my culture as it's tradition in Christianity obvs, which I distanced myself from because I don't believe in a deity, but I now see how much in society is lost from the community not meeting on Sundays and catching up with the neighbours etc. So this is my way of trying to step back into tradition, starting with my name.

That's my take, good luck on your decision :)

It's tradition in this country, but it's not a Christian tradition. In Spain, for example, children get both their parents surnames and the woman doesn't change hers. In Italy, a woman's name never officially changes (though the children get dad's surname). I'm sure there are more examples. I'm not aware of any Christian teaching that mentions surnames.

I also like being "the Surnames", for simplicity. I have kept my maiden name on official docs, though. I can't really explain why. Everyone knows me by my married name, yet it felt a bit drastic to change it on my passport and so on. Never occurred to me to give DC my (maiden) surname - I prefer to keep things simple and there's no perfect alternative. No regrets on that front.

I did not change my name. The kids have DH's name. Partly because his sister's kids do not, so it was nice for his mum to have some grandkids with "her" name, and my sister's have her (and my) surname already. Never been any kind of problem ever, and they are teens now.

I have my last name, dp has his, our dd is double barreled.

I am not married but the answer would be the same if we were as I would never change my name, and the only alternative to double barrelling dd's that I would accept would be giving her just my name.

I changed my name. Like a lot of people, I wanted us all to have the same family name. Dh didn’t want to change his because he is foreign and it reflects his heritage. It also means that the dc, despite being U.K. citizens by birth and speaking English, have that connection to the other side of their family.

I didn’t want to double barrel because the two names sound ridiculous and comedic together, and because I just don’t really like double barrelled names anyway. I think that’s a hangover from my childhood, when double barrelled names were mocked and seen as a bit pretentious, unless you were literally lord of the manor.

We wanted a family name, so we both took a new surname when we got married.

Made the name change thing a lovely, exciting 'shared' thing to do and felt like we really were starting a new family.

Then childrens' surnames were easy!

You do all realise you are creating havoc for the genealogists of the future don't you? As have I - eldest DS and I had same surname, split with 'D'P and remarried. Changed DSs surname (Ex DP had no say) and had another DS. All now have the same surname. Life is so much easier and made eldest DS feel included, he would have felt excluded otherwise having the only different surname.

Just as another thought - my mother has always reasoned that the children should take the mothers name - so the surname gets passed down the female line - 'because you never can be 100% sure who the father is - but you always certain who the mother is' - and that is very true...

Changed name to DH's. Regretted it and after 6 months we both changed to combine our two names (hyphenated). DS now has that surname also. Perfect for us.

Its tradition for the baby to be given the mothers name. If the mother has chosen to take her husbands name before birth, the baby has the husbands surname but only by default. If you then choose to register your child as something different, that is entirely your choice.

I took my husbands name as I've never liked mine and his is literally great (Connotations of being the best e.g. King, Winner etc) . I did inform him at the time that if our names were the other way around, there would be no way i'd be giving it up. It will be interesting to see what our daughter chooses if she is still be in this predicament should she ever choose to marry.

On the other hand, my mother took my fathers name when they married (1980) and later divorced. Both me and my sister have taken our husbands names and now my mother, who kept the surname to be the same as her children, is the only one of us left with it.

My DD was born before I got married but I was engaged, she has DH's surname. I thought about double barrelling but the 2 names didn't go together well at all.
We are now married and have a DS so we all have the same surname.

My grandfather was an only son and then my dad was an only child.
I have 1 brother who only has a daughter so it's likely that my maiden name will come to an end in our family line now which is a bit sad. However I wouldn't have done it differently

We both kept our names on marriage and double-barrelled dc (easy because we both have single-syllable common names, eg Smith-Jones).

However i did have to actively stop DH calling dd2 Jones-Smith “Because then we’d all have different surnames and that would be cool!”

Dd is currently double barralled, once we get married, COVID disruption pending, i will change my name for my partners and change dds so we all have the same

I kept my name because I'm established with my surname and it suits be. DS and future DCs have dh surname.

Totally fine with it until I took a call from the drs last week and they asked if I was Mrs DS surname. I was taken aback but then I guess they don't have parents names on file so default is to go for Mrs/Mr surname, I also think I may encounter this with schools when the time comes.

I have been considering changing my name for a while, but that kind of pushed me to discuss it with DH properly.

I changed my name because I wanted to and I have absolutely no regrets.