Baby’s surname when you’ve kept your maiden name

[LuckyFlash]

Just after some opinions on what surname to give our baby. DH and I are married but I have kept my maiden name.

Let’s say my last name is Smith and DH’s last name is Jones. Our options are either:

1. Give the baby one name or the other
2. Call the baby firstname middlename Smith Jones
3. call the baby firstname middlename smith-Jones

Option 1 worries me as it may cause problems for the person who doesn’t share a last name with our child (probably me as DH’s last name is marginally cooler)

Option 2 is currently my favourite but I presume people would just default to jones meaning we’re essentially back to option 1?

Is it weird to go with option 3 and double barrel and all have different names?

I’m considering giving in and changing my name to DH’s simply for ease of us all having one name together...

What have others done in this situation?

We merged our names into a new one for the kids. Works really well. Don't know why more people don't do it. If me and OH could be bothered we might have changed our names to the new one but we are lazy.

I didn't change my name when I married 25 + years ago - didn't occur to me. But I did give my children dh's surname. We were talking about this recently and both of us wondered why we automatically assumed his name rather than mine. If I were having children now I suspect they'd get my name with both of our blessings. DH couldn't give a curse about his surname - other than it is the one he has so there it is. I did save the three wristbands from when I gave birth though - they were each Baby Pallisers for the couple of days in hospital.

Mine is also a cooler name. I think my sister slightly regrets changing hers.

I would do it double barrelled as long as it sounds ok :)

Baby has your surname. Your DH could take your name.

We did option 2. The only disadvantage is that I need to take a copy of the kids birth certificates when we fly to show I am the mum. It's no big deal at all.

Should add, if both names had been an option I would have gone with this but our surnames sound utterly ridiculous together!

@S00LA I think I'm a little bit in love with you.

OP, we double-barrelled. I was earnestly told that this would be a huge hassle by people who explained that they couldn't possibly do it so just did some patriarchy instead, but I've yet to work out what on earth they were going on about.

I teach a lot of pupils with double barrelled names (usually no hyphen) - a couple per class.

My siblings and I all took our mums name. Parents are still together. Never caused any problems and doesn't to this day.

P.s I also think Smith-Jones / Jones-Smith is fine

I did first name, my surname as a middle name, his surname. We did it that way because we both like DH’s surname better (it’s a good name).

If it had been the other way round, we would have chosen mine (although DH’s parents would have had a fit! But sod them!)

Option 4 - change your surname to DH and all have the same name 🤷‍♀️

Wtf, why should she do that?

I did DH’s surname with mine as a middle which I’m happy with although obviously I realise that the fact that we did it that way round rather than his as a middle is because of ingrained misogyny.

I have to say though for me the issue was never handing down my name it was more disbelief that some women are expected to change the name they have grown up with and been known as and established a career with etc etc. For some people they don’t like the idea of not sharing a name with their DC. In this case, double barrelled is probably the way to go although I’m not a fan of the hyphen personally.

I kept my name. DH and DC have his name. It has never been an issue.

@S00LA just wanted to say I love your post too
Perfect

@PlantPotting thank you

My husband has a double barrelled surname, I kept my double barrelled surname when we married, our daughter has half of each of our surname double barrelled- so we went with option 3, all 3 of us have separate names and it works just fine for us!

My dc have dh's surname and my name is double-barrelled (in the country we live in and dh is from you are not allowed to double-barrel children's names, or even both partners' ). Dh actually offered, to take my name but I said no for stately homes reasons, plus my surname wasn't particularly nice and I've never liked it that much. I am OK with the way we did things, but I still find it a bit odd that my children are without my surname entirely and really dislike being called by dh's name only by teachers etc. (It doesn't help that the name is quite an unusual one here and gets mangled, as does my part of the double barrel for being foreign... sigh). I'd double-barrel IIWY.

My DC are both early 20s and have no issues with their double-barrelled name. It makes them unique as it's a doubler of names from very different cultures and reflects their ethnic backgrounds.

It didn't occur to me to do anything else. I didn't change my name when we married, he didn't change his and there was no other way to compromise. It's my name first just because it flowed better.

DC have my DP's surname and when we marry, I will take her surname as well. We are both women. I grew up not sharing surnames with siblings as my parents each had a child with their ex partner's surname when they had me and then I had my mother's surname. So a total of 4 different surnames has just made me want a family unit where everyone has the same surname. My surname is the Danish equivalent of Smith/Jones/Johnson (one of the most popular names). I think it's fair that the kids got my genes but my DP's surname

I have my dad's surname, parents are unmarried however but been together for 30 ish years, I usually am a massive advocate for dad's name if together regardless of status but seeing as you married into a partnership I think double barrel is naturally more appropriate in this situation and makes it easier as a whole

It does seem most women choose the mans surname - the patriarchy is the system we use in this society.

I feel it a bit strange as women are generally (pretty much always) the main care-giver to dc. I would prefer a dc of mine to have my name as they hang out with me the most and I do most of the work re child rearing.

My maiden name is my DM maiden name (we are not originally British) and as my DF wasn't in my life very much it seems appropriate.

I guess some unmarried women feel that the man is more likely to stick around and help raise/pay child maintenance if the dc have the fathers name? That's the only reason I can see because having dc openly out of wedlock is a fairly new thing (that's not disapproval - I don't really believe in marriage).

We gave DD her own surname. Absolutely no reason why children have to take either parental surname.

My DD has my partner's surname because as her mother I felt I had all these amazing connections with her and got to carry her and birth her and feed her etc. and it just felt only fair!

Also she has two half sisters and I thought it was nice for her to have that connection with them 🤷

Yeah it's only fair that you do all the physical work and take all the risks with your health and changes to your body.. and then don't share a surname with your child 🙄