Baby’s surname when you’ve kept your maiden name

[LuckyFlash]

Just after some opinions on what surname to give our baby. DH and I are married but I have kept my maiden name.

Let’s say my last name is Smith and DH’s last name is Jones. Our options are either:

1. Give the baby one name or the other
2. Call the baby firstname middlename Smith Jones
3. call the baby firstname middlename smith-Jones

Option 1 worries me as it may cause problems for the person who doesn’t share a last name with our child (probably me as DH’s last name is marginally cooler)

Option 2 is currently my favourite but I presume people would just default to jones meaning we’re essentially back to option 1?

Is it weird to go with option 3 and double barrel and all have different names?

I’m considering giving in and changing my name to DH’s simply for ease of us all having one name together...

What have others done in this situation?

We did option 1 and DH’s name. We’re married but I kept my own name. DH is primary carer and I got to choose the first name. They don’t sound good together double barrelled and I wanted to give him a different family surname as a middle name for personal reasons so three surnames would have been too much!

My mum kept her maiden name and it was never an issue for me that my parents had different names.

I didnt take my husbands name when we married, as I already had a double barrelled surname and didn't want to triple or split mine.

My kids have husbands surname and the first part of my double barrel as a second middle name- purely because it will link us officially via passports for when I travel with the kids without my husband (though I usually take a copy of my wedding certificate too)

My DS has my DH’s surname as a second middle name and my surname as his surname.

We've doubled barrelled. The only problem will be if she marries someone with the a double barrelled surname. In that situation, if they want to combine surnames, she could do one from each surname.

I didn’t change my surname for the first 6 years of marriage, but now I’m pregnant I’ve changed my surname to double barrelled with DH surname.

Baby will have DH surname. I’ve changed my name to double barrel so that I will have a surname in common with DC, which is important to me.

DH did offer that he would double-barrel too and then we could all have the same double-barrel, but I declined. Reasons for my choice are:

• I don’t want child to have a double barrelled surname. I spent my entire life spelling my uncommon surname, and double barrel just makes it more of a faff.

-if child has a double-barrelled surname it just passes on the problem for if they got married.

-I didn’t want to give baby just my surname because I don’t want people to assume DH is step dad etc.

-people sometimes call us Mr&Mrs “DH surname” anyway and I thought it would annoy me less if it was actually part of my surname.

This was the only way around it that felt right for me. Even though I’ve now double-barrelled my surname I still use my single surname for work etc.

I double barrelled my name when I married, but use dh's for everyday work purposes as it is easier. My dc has
First name
Middle name
2nd middle name -my maiden name
Surname

No particularly relevant to the question, but it’s also important to me to be “Ms” not “Mrs”

I did both surnames no hyphen. DD can drop one one day if she thinks it’s easier on everyday basis.

Thanks everyone! I’m leaning towards giving the kid both our surnames with no hyphen and us both keeping our own names. I was worried no one would ever use both of it’s not hyphenated but it sounds like some of you have done it with no issues which is reassuring!
I’m also a Ms.
Totally agree with the comments about a thousand reasons to use just the mans name! It’s made me realise I 100% don’t want to haha!

Option 3 for us. We went double barrelled because DH pointed out that otherwise the first surname could be mistaken for a middle name.

We used DH's name and it has caused no issues me having a different name so that shouldn't be a consideration and the children aren't confused at all. They do get annoyed at their cousins on my side saying they aren't 'real' Foscos though.

Friend gave their DD her Mum's surname and their DS his Dad's surname. Similar to the Icelandic tradition. I really wish we'd done that and we have actually mentioned it to the DDs but I think they are too old and it would be weird for them to change their name.

My kids have my husband's surname. Purely because I acquiesced to his need to 'carry on the name'. Most of the time it doesn't matter but at times when it does, I do sometimes regret not giving them my name, either on it's own or double barrelled with his.
For example, recently all of us were booked for Covid tests. They put the kids and dad in at one time, me at a different time despite all being booked at same time via same GP; he was presumed parent based on name.

Can you have 2 surnames? Or do you have to put one as a middle name? I want to put both of our surnames on the birth certificate, but don’t want to hyphen as they are both 7 letters and very similar!

I'm in the same boat and not sure what to do. DH would prefer just his name as it's very short, and I think the idea of a double barrel is slightly overwhelming to him, having lived with one syllable his whole life.

Where I'm from it's very common for women to keep their own names, and I don't share a surname with my mum. It has never to my knowledge cause an ounce of trouble (though again, that's probably due to it being more or less the norm when/where I was growing up- aware it's different here in the UK), so the idea of not sharing a name with my DC doesn't really bother me. I certainly don't feel less connected to my mum because I don't share her name!

If we decide not to double barrel I'll use mine as a second middle, at the very least. The sticking point is that DH has agreed that if he "gets" the surname I can choose all the others, and if I insist on both I'll have to give him more of a say on the first / middle!

I use my name and DH uses his. We gave DS my surname as a middle name (mine's short but odd, think Bratt, his is also short but common, think Green, they are fine double barreled but we didn't fancy it, mine is just too odd!)
I thought about swapping them for DD but DH didn't fancy it and I didn't feel strongly enough.
My family sometimes address things to the children as "Sophie Bratt-Green" or "Josh Bratt Green" but nobody else does.

My dd has my surname as a middle name, which came in handy at Eurostar passport control when they queried why we had different surnames 😮. I thought double barrelling would be a bit much, so our way suited us. I kept my birth surname as a mark of loyalty to my family, and my dh was easy either way, and I’m a Ms because I don’t see why I should state my marital status every time I give my name.

@S00LA

Option 1 worries me as it may cause problems for the person who doesn’t share a last name with our child (probably me as DH’s last name is marginally cooler)

I think you’ll find that every single woman who has posted on this topic in the history of MN has eventually chosen her husbands name to be the last because

His is easier to spell

His is more unique

His is more common

His is less common

His is more foreign

His is less foreign

His name works better with this first name he has chosen

He has no siblings

He has many siblings

He has a small family

He has a big family

His name is is own name whereas hers is just her fathers

Her name is weird and embarrassing and she is desperate to change it, even though her father and none of her brothers, uncles and make cousins feel the same way

It would upset his parents if they don’t chose his name and they are lovely people

It wouldn’t upset her parents if they Don’t choose her name because they are lovely people

It Would upset him if he didn’t get his own way As he’s a man

She is used to not getting her own way as she is a woman

He wants them all to have a family name but not enough to actually Change his Own name

Changing names is a lot of hassle for men but not for women

Women are better suited to the tedious admin involved in name changing

But “His is more cool“ is a new one for my list, so thank you.

IMO If you have to choose between which parent’s name, then it’s more practical and fairer to use the name of the person who is the main carer, as they will be with the child most often.

These are all very true and I've read a lot of posts where women have given all these reasons...but I'm unmarried, very happy with my partner and pregnant. I'm most likely giving the baby his surname as I have no real affiliation to my name and no great desire to pass it on. And if/when we get married I'll change my name too but be Ms.

We did option 4 and merged our surnames together to create a new surname.

My DC have option 2 (my surname DH's surname) and pretty much everyone assumes my surname is another middle name and refers to them as Kid DH's surname. It drives me bonkers! So now I write My surname-DH's surname. You can add and remove hyphens at will, you don't need to do a deed poll or anything.

Or double-barrel and all have the same name?

Her name is weird and embarrassing and she is desperate to change it, even though her father and none of her brothers, uncles and make cousins feel the same way
My uncle (my generation) wanted to change his but my grandfather went on and on and on about it and my uncle gave in.
My brother married into a culture where nobody changes their name and his DCs have both names, if they hate our name they can use their mum's.
My dad was born in 1939 and there are no other men or boys in the family (well, I have two male cousins under 25, yet to see what they decide)
So apart from the fact that my uncle could have pushed harder, all the men are getting rid of our family name too (some admittedly by having only girls)

@S00LA 100%. Love your post!!

I've kept my name but my DC have DH's surname. I gave in with the DC because he and especially his family were against me keeping my name.. I really regret giving in now and wish I'd persuaded him to give them my name too.

Why thank you @BeMorePacific 😀

I think all children should be called after their mother for lots of practical reasons, but i accept that not everyone will agree with me.

My son has both our surnames.
No hyphen.
His first, mine second. It flows better that way.
His middle name is a traditional surname.
Both his surnames are traditional first names, one of which is traditionally a female name.
He’s 3 and so far no issues.