What do you think about hyphenated surname?
CravingCheese · 21/11/2019 18:19
My DH decided that he'd prefer a double barrelled surname for the lo.
I personally feel like it's just too long and that both our surnames are a bit fussy, especially if someone were to combine them....
What do you think?
and would it influence your opinion / preferences in regards to first names?
I feel like many of the names on our list simply wouldn't 'work' with both our surnames (together)....
FizzyGreenWater · 23/11/2019 10:36
If you didn't change your name to his, then the baby should have your surname if you want to be traditional.
Maybe he could change his name to yours if he now wants to share a surname with his child?
I guess it's nice for him to want to include my surname as well, yes.
It is nice indeed that you are considering having his surname too, for the baby you are birthing, yes :)
CravingCheese · 24/11/2019 11:56
Thank you very much, fellow mumsnetters.
You comments were helpful.
We (DH and I) both want a name that will serve the LO well.
Whether that's a feminist, 'wannabe posh' or working class choice is rather irrelevant in my personal opinion tbh. (I find it an interesting discussion but it's not what I want to consider when naming our DC.)
But I do appreciate the argument about divorce or one of us dying. We have to be smart about that and make a choice that would be best for the LO in such a scenario. (well, as well as we can actually predict 'best', I suppose.)
Gwenhwyfar · 24/11/2019 12:00
"Spanish people are great at this."
No, they're not. In Spanish families the mother's surname usually only lasts one generation and only the father's surname is passed on.
Gwenhwyfar · 24/11/2019 12:07
"When I was at school, hardly anyone had a double-barrelled surname, but I'm sure if I went to the same school now, there would be quite a few."
But you're a Welsh speaker aren't you Mike? Having two surnames, not always hyphenated has always been reasonably common for us. Looks at the poet R. Williams Parry and his poet-cousin T.H. Parry -Williams. Not to mention David Lloyd George.
I had a friend with a hyphenated surname at school and nobody thought she was posh (there surnames were not something like Parker-Bowles!)
Parker231 · 24/11/2019 12:13
DT’s have double barrelled surname- seemed logical and straightforward to us as it combined both DH and my surname. I didn’t change my surname when we got married. It’s long and complicated to spell but that was always going to an issue having French surnames whilst living in the UK.
FizzyGreenWater · 24/11/2019 12:17
But I do appreciate the argument about divorce or one of us dying.
One of the reasons that the baby is named with the mother's surname.
If you divorce, there's about a 95% chance the baby will reside with you.
AnotherEmma · 24/11/2019 13:03
The Spanish system is still patriarchal because it's the men's names that are passed down, but it's still an improvement on the British system in which women are expected to change their names after marriage (Spanish women don't, my Spanish SIL finds it very strange indeed!) and in which children often only get their father's surnames (in Spain all children share one surname with each parent).
There is one simple tweak which would make the Spanish system perfect. All they need to do is pass on names via the female line. Eg a mother could pass on her mother's name and a father could pass on his father's name. Both matrilineal and patrilineal.
emilybrontescorsett · 24/11/2019 20:13
Can I ask those who gave their children 2 surnames, e.g. Smith Jones , what the difference that was to double barrelling.
Is it more likely that one name , and it's usually the first part of the surname so here it would be Smith, get a dropped?
AnotherEmma · 24/11/2019 20:18
Yes more flexibility to drop one of the names. (I know this from experience because I myself have two surnames, no hyphen).
Also, we have discovered that one quirk of the French bureaucracy is that if we give our child two surnames without a hyphen, he can choose to pass on just one of the names to any future child, but if we hyphenated, he would have to pass on the whole double-barrelled name in its entirety.
MikeUniformMike · 24/11/2019 20:39
Gwenhwyfar, the mother's maiden name or a family surname as a middle name is very popular in Wales, but they're rarely double barrelled.
Middle name as known as name is popular too.
Not that many had two middle names, and those who did were often:
Firstname Knownasname Familysurnameusuallyfrommothersside Surname.
There were a few duplicated names at school, too, and you'd get
Firstname Middlename Surname (Villagename) on name lists.
Some were on bc as Firstname Dadsfirstname with Dadsfirstname as a surname, and some who would go on to use Firstname Middlename as their full name.
John Surname married Mair Lloyd Roberts and have 4 children:
Dylan Siôn (full name, Sion is welsh for John)
Carys Mair Lloyd Jones (uses Carys Mair as her full name or stage name as an adult)
John Gareth Lloyd Jones (known as Gareth Jones)
Bethan Llwyd (full name, Llwyd being Lloyd unanglicised)
The names are made up and not based on anyone. I do know families where the children didn't have the same surnames, based on this sort of naming.
MikeUniformMike · 24/11/2019 20:42
Sorry, in my example the father's surname was Jones nor Surname.
Heh1991 · 24/11/2019 23:04
Lovely that your DH wants to include your surname but since it is your surname if you’re not fussed then I’d just skip it?
GroupCaptainChablis · 25/11/2019 21:41
It's not a bloody 'gotcha' at all. I'm genuinely interested. I'm a genealogist and frequently see DM's maiden names given to children, both male and female, as a middle name.
If I had a hyphenated surname which included both surnames of my DM and DF I would be genuinely conflicted as to which one to keep and which one to drop. Although I might just invent a new surname in conjunction with my new husband instead. Perhaps that's the best way forward?
Gwenhwyfar · 25/11/2019 21:43
"Gwenhwyfar, the mother's maiden name or a family surname as a middle name is very popular in Wales, but they're rarely double barrelled."
No, but you do quite often see two surnames (not just a surname used as a middle name) whether they're double barrelled or not.
MikeUniformMike · 25/11/2019 21:52
I think that's probably because Welsh names and surnames didn't vary much.
It used to be quite usual where I'm from to address people by their first names as if it was their full name.
I'd be referred to as Mike Uniform or Mike Uniform Mike, not Mike Mike.
If you had a common name like John Roberts or something, people would say John Vaughan Roberts and John Lloyd Roberts, or whatever the full name was.
ironickname · 25/11/2019 22:04
A bit wanky?
Derbee · 29/11/2019 05:46
I‘m still rather opposed to a hyphenated surname (And I‘m not opposed to simply using mine. DH however is)
Isn’t your husband overstepping here? He’s not happy leaving off his surname. He’s not happy leaving off your surname. He wants to double barrel.
Surely each person gets to decide if they’re bothered about their passed on? If you’re not bothered, why does your husband have a right to insist on your name being passed on, on our behalf?
I think double barrelled names are silly. What’s happens in the next generation? Quadruple barrelled?
Derbee · 29/11/2019 05:47
*names being passed on
*on your behalf
CravingCheese · 02/12/2019 08:16
Well, my parents (first DM and then DD) told me to stop acting like a naive teen and get my name in there...
(well, df had a few more choice words and rather rational arguments that are rather specific to our situation/our families.)
So yes. I suppose you mumsnetters were right and my name should at least be somewhere in there (whether as a middle or last name).
CravingCheese · 02/12/2019 08:17
*first DM and then DD DF.
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