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What do you think about hyphenated surname?
120

CravingCheese · 21/11/2019 18:19

My DH decided that he'd prefer a double barrelled surname for the lo.

I personally feel like it's just too long and that both our surnames are a bit fussy, especially if someone were to combine them....

What do you think?
and would it influence your opinion / preferences in regards to first names?

I feel like many of the names on our list simply wouldn't 'work' with both our surnames (together)....

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MeadowHay · 22/11/2019 16:12

Also my first name and my maiden name (now the second part of our double-barelled family surname) are foreign and always require spelling. And so does DC's first name and second middle name. Idgaf. Never bothered me at all. It's who I am, my heritage, my name. Spelling it out isn't a problem at all.

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BlouseAndSkirt · 22/11/2019 16:22

Well fine OP, just use his name.

I don't understand what your dilemma is?

Is his patriarchal naming compulsion ("And I‘m not opposed to simply using mine. DH however is") so strong that he feels he can dictate the entire name, including adding your surname against your wishes?

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Gallivespian · 22/11/2019 16:42

And so does DC's first name and second middle name. Idgaf. Never bothered me at all. It's who I am, my heritage, my name. Spelling it out isn't a problem at all.

I did think for one second that your DC was called 'Idgaf' and thought, 'Oh, interesting, I wonder where that name originates?' Grin

And I entirely agree with your post. Spelling my name, or having someone mispronounce it at the dentist's, doesn't send me, or anyone in my family, into the kind of tailspin that some people on Mumsnet seem to suffer from regularly. Nor did not being able to buy mugs/door plaques/whatever with my name on them give me an identity crisis.

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daisypond · 22/11/2019 16:42

My DC have their father’s surname. I kept my own name, so I’m the only one in the family with a different name. I vaguely toyed with the two surnames for my DC but decided against it swiftly. Yes, the DC could have had my surname, but I wasn’t particularly bothered at the time - this was 20 years ago. His simpler surname made options for first names much easier.

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Episcomama · 22/11/2019 16:50

I like the middle name - surname solution. No barreling. I must admit that I always think of double-barreled as either sounding ridiculously posh or working class unmarrieds. If that kind of thing bothers you.

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CravingCheese · 22/11/2019 16:50

Is his patriarchal naming compulsion ("And I‘m not opposed to simply using mine. DH however is") so strong that he feels he can dictate the entire name, including adding your surname against your wishes?

No, he‘s lovely and wouldn‘t add the surname against my wishes! But yes, he did suddenly decide that he wanted to add my surname to his.
He was obviously perfectly fine with me voicing my disagreement but he is currently still campaigning for a hyphenated surname / trying to convince me that we should use both surnames.

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Shesaysso · 22/11/2019 16:53

All the kids I know who have double barrelled surnames got to about 14/15 and then ditched one of the names.

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aquarianaura · 22/11/2019 16:58

I have one. Don't do it. It has been a burden. It's awkward and terrible.

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MikeUniformMike · 22/11/2019 18:57

@Gallivespian, I am only going by people I know.
The ones who are married might be old fashioned in that they are Mr & Mrs Surname, and call their child Childsname Surname.
The unmarried ones tend to either give the father's surname to the child or use Fathersurname-Mothersurname.

I'm probably old fashioned as I got married, then became pregnant and the children got their father's surname, which was also mine.

When I was at school, hardly anyone had a double-barrelled surname, but I'm sure if I went to the same school now, there would be quite a few.

I'm only stating my observations.

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MidnightMystery · 22/11/2019 19:11

I've got a double barrelled surname and it's not wanna be posh and it's no hassle either!

The first name of mine is two syllables and the second is one syllable. Not sure if that's relevant.

I do sometimes shorten my name though if it's for something "not important" for example ;
Kathleen Johnson-May
Kat May
but all official documents I have no issues with my full name.

Hope that helps.

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TatianaLarina · 22/11/2019 19:19

Spelling my name, or having someone mispronounce it at the dentist's, doesn't send me, or anyone in my family, into the kind of tailspin that some people on Mumsnet seem to suffer from regularly

Tailspin my arse, I just said I couldn’t be bothered. If it turns you on that’s up to you.

I have a two syllable surname and I have PoA for my aunt who is 3 syllables hyphen two syllables and it’s more of faff to deal with. It’s just personal preference.

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AnotherEmma · 22/11/2019 19:36

"I also believe that my opinion about the use of my surname is the opinion that should ultimately matter."

Agree with this.
However, I don't really understand why using your surname would prevent you from also giving the child a name to honour someone in your family. Surely you can do both. I did for my DS:
First name: chosen by DH and me (he suggested and I agreed)
Middle name: family name from my side to honour one of my relatives (also a middle name for relatives on both sides)
Surname 1: my surname
Surname 2: DH's surname
(No hyphen)

The lack of hyphen means that some people might assume that my surname is a middle name (no big deal) and it also means that DS can easily choose to use just one surname for "everyday" ie all non official things.

However, that's just how we did it. If you really really don't want to give your child your surname, I don't fully understand it but I acknowledge that it is of course your choice.

It's not a feminist choice, but all our choices don't have to be feminist - they are informed by so many factors.

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TatianaLarina · 22/11/2019 19:45

It's not a feminist choice



One man’s surname or two men’s surnames. Is that your idea of feminism?

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AnotherEmma · 22/11/2019 19:50

I know your opinion on this Tatiana, you've made it very clear from your countless posts on this thread (and probably others if memory serves me).

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TatianaLarina · 22/11/2019 19:55

And you think your opinion isn’t clear from your posts? Are you hoping to browbeat OP to your POV?

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GroupCaptainChablis · 22/11/2019 20:04

My only question is what do 2 DC, who both have double barreled surnames do when they get married?

They've both got their DM and DF's names, double-barreled. Which name takes precedence? Somebody is going to be pissed off!

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MikeUniformMike · 22/11/2019 20:17

Back off Tatiana, there is no need for that.

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TatianaLarina · 22/11/2019 20:20

Mind your own business Mike.

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geekaMaxima · 22/11/2019 20:32

My only question is what do 2 DC, who both have double barreled surnames do when they get married?

Why does this chestnut pop up on every thread like it's meant to be some kind of "gotcha"!

Pick one surname, pass it on.

Ideally, boys pass on the surname from their father and girls pass on the surname from their mother. Patrilineal and matrilineal, innit? Like y-chromosome and mitochondrial DNA.

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RolytheRhino · 22/11/2019 20:39

Agree with PP, use both surnames on documentation but don't hyphenate so he's only known by one.

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DuchessMustard · 22/11/2019 21:50

@TatianaLarina One man’s surname or two men’s surnames. Is that your idea of feminism?

Erm, I'm not a man in a gay relationship. We're one woman & one man. What do you mean, two men's surnames?

Weird.

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Gallivespian · 22/11/2019 22:14

Well, @TatianaLarina has already produced the other regular penetrating insight of these threads. Women’s birth surnames aren’t really their names because they’re their fathers’ names. (Men’s birth surnames, on the other hand, are apparently more solidly attached to them.) Women who keep their names on marriage are thus being terribly, terribly silly and not actually taking a feminist stance.

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emilybrontescorsett · 22/11/2019 22:27

I do think some double barrelled names sound better than others.
I think 2 syllable-1 syllable surnames sound better but you can't always achieve that.
Some names are too much of a mouthful and I know lots of people who drop one of their names.
Some names sound much nicer than others.
If you have a choice then choose the nicest sounding name.

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TatianaLarina · 23/11/2019 10:05

Men’s birth surnames, on the other hand, are apparently more solidly attached to them.) Women who keep their names on marriage are thus being terribly, terribly silly and not actually taking a feminist stance

Men’s surnames while they don’t change them, are still their father’s family name. Think of all the cultures that specify son of including Mac, Ap, O’ etc.

You can’t change a patrilineal society to a matrilineal one by holding onto a paternal name. It’s simply a family name. In true matrilineal societies women pass down maternal not paternal family names and daughters inherit.

No-one has said women are ‘silly’ to keep their birth name - that’s invention. I think women should do what they like - keep it, change it, whatever works for them. The upshot of feminism, of equal rights, is surely that individual women have the right to make their own choices.

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raskolnikova · 23/11/2019 10:30

The Spanish take the family name and then have their surname. We hyphenated as he's British and it's the only way we could use both here when we returned to uk. Also his is via deed poll as Spanish birth certificate would only allow the one surname - his S dads family name.

That's interesting, my DD was born in Spain to unmarried British parents, and we gave her an unhyphenated double-barrelled surname, it's on her Spanish birth certificate and we use it the same way in the UK. I guess we had a more relaxed registrar.

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