Can't agree on baby's surname

[Cl4rkii]

I'm not with the father of my 2 week old, but need to register her birth soon. The father is insisting that I double-barrell the surname, but I don't want to. What if we don't come to an agreement by the six weeks. What happens then!

Why don't children have the Mother's maiden name as a middle name when doing the traditional thing of giving them the Father's surname?

Actually @YetAnotherSpartacus the tradition was for the baby to take the mothers surname. However traditionally babies came after marriage. At which the mother would take the fathers name.

As there is no marriage the baby should traditionally take the OPs name.

Yeah, there's no reason for baby to have his surname. It's baffling how many people do this without a thought...

I’m married and kept my own surname- dc’s have a very clunky double barrelled surname as a result.

Ever since going through pregnancy, birth, post natal recovery and early motherhood, the entitlement of some men to have their surname automatically used on the basis that they had sex with the mother nine months previously actually enrages me.

I actually asked the registrar about this when we register DS1 because I was curious (DH and I have different surnames). She's said that if the parents cannot agree on either first name or surname then the registrar must defer to the mother and he choice would overrule the father's.

No idea if it's a legal thing or just practice where I live, but it seems sensible to me!

Your surname. He cannot demand you use his or double barrel it

I gave my DS1 my surname when I wasn't married to his dad (he said we'd get married ) then he left. It makes my life much more annoying having to have documents proving I'm my DS mum for travel etc

DNA means nothing. He'll have PR by being on the BC but doesn't mean that baby needs his name

Traditionally children were given their mother's surname. Most women were married so it was also the father's surname. Illegitimate children were given their mother's surname.

Another vote for your name, it's going to be easier if you both have the same surname for lots of reasons, passport control being one of them. Another one is that some organisations will default to 'Mrs [expartner] surname' when writing to you instead of Ms/Miss your name so if you don't like that idea, use your surname.

Your name only.

Give baby your name, as is tradition.

@BuffaloCauliflower it is not tradition to give a baby mother's surname it has always been the father surname traditionally.
OP you sound very reasonable and I think using his surname as a middle name is a good compromise.

@Greggers2017, no, if you read the thread you'd see that it is traditional to give the baby the mother's surname, which was often the same as the father's if they were married.

@Greggers2017 maybe read a bit more carefully before calling out a poster

It is not tradition to give a baby mother's surname it has always been the father surname traditionally.

Buffalo is actually right- “tradition” was to give the child its mother’s surname, but since most pregnant women would have been married, they would have used their husbands’ names.

It’s only since more children have been born to parents who aren’t married that this tradition has been misunderstood.

@Greggers2017 nope that’s never been the tradition. Mothers name is default, just most often the mother would be married to the father and have taken his name, so that’s the name that’s then passed to the child via the mother. Children of unmarried mothers have always had mothers name. It’s possible the father might claim the child officially and give them their name later, but it wasn’t super common due to the shame of sex and babies outside marriage. This thing of children of unmarried parents getting the fathers name is a very new invention.

If baby doesnt have your name you could struggle travelling without a letter of permission from the dad, there are a lot of ways he can make your life harder. Plus, it’s your baby. You’re having the baby. Why wouldn’t it have your name?

If baby’s dad is really upset he could always change his name to match.

@Contraceptionismyfriend why the need to be so nasty. Have you never got anything wrong?
I truly believed it was tradition for the baby to get dads name. So much so my children all have their dads surnames and I wasn't married to any of them.

@timeisnotaline it doesn't make travelling difficult you just take the birth certificate to prove the child is yours. It's what I've always done. 🤷‍♀️
Dad can be an arse and try and stop you taking the child away on holiday but that can happen wether they have your surname or not. My sisters ex partner does it regularly. And that's a man who doesn't even want to see his child. 🙄

Actually @YetAnotherSpartacus the tradition was for the baby to take the mothers surname. However traditionally babies came after marriage. At which the mother would take the fathers name

Of course. But I missed that given that I'd never take a man's surname .

Definitely your surname.

Absolutely your name, did this myself as lone parent, and glad I did.
Utterly ridiculous for a child to have the family name of someone who doesn't deal with the day-to-day parenting and it comes from total male entitlement- like the baby is some kind of possession or proof of virility.

Give the baby your surname

The father wants the baby to have both names, not just his.

Baby should have your surname, no discussion necessary.