Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Help! We can't agree

99 replies

MrsMeSeeks · 14/05/2019 09:19

I don't need name suggestions, I need a methodology.

DH and I don't agree on girl's names, and we have 6 weeks to find one (well, 12 till she'll need to be registered, but I don't want her to arrive nameless - and definitely don't need the pressure of a registration deadline poured on top of this failure of accord!)

We have now been through the ENTIRE list of baby girl names registered in 2017. We have a "shortlist" of about 5 or 6 - but all of these are names that one of us loves and the other thinks is okay. So none feels like a compromise, it's always one person 'winning'. I think I'm struggling to give in because DH keeps pushing for a particular name saying "it's the one we agree on most". It isn't, it's just the one he likes best - we also pronounce it differently, and I'm less keen on his pronunciation and on the nickname he'd want to use. But I can't really expect him to just give in and accept one of 'my' names when I won't accept his.

So how do we find one? Is there a way to select from the shortlist, or do we need to scrap those options and pick something we both like (but neither of us love).

HOW do we do this?! It feels like we're just going to have to name her after the midwife, and end up with a name we both hate equally! It's getting ridiculous...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Rainandwine · 14/05/2019 09:25

Oh this is so tough I’ve been here myself !
One option is to find a name that nicknames to something the other loves - ie one loves long classics like Elizabeth maybe the other loves Libby etc

I actually think if you choose one & use it all the time when talking to / about bump you’ll know within a week or two if it becomes ‘the name’. My first child has a name I didn’t choose & I can’t imagine them with anything else now. I tried to go along with a compromise name that I thought was nice enough for number 2 & it never felt right so we swapped it.

Rainandwine · 14/05/2019 09:27

You’re not feeling the name he wants & that’s an ok reason. I’d choose the name you love most & ask him to use it for a week with no discussion. Then if he’s still not feeling it scrap it.
You have time but the purgatory is awful!

Nonnymum · 14/05/2019 09:27

Scrap the shortlist if there is nothing there you can agree on. Start again and if you can't find one you both love choose one you both like. She will grow into what ever you call her.
Also there might be. A name not on the 2017 list you like. A bit old fashioned maybe but have you got a book of boys and girls names?

ILoveYou3000 · 14/05/2019 09:40

If you both like the 5 or 6 on your shortlist, how about each pick a top 3, see if any match?

If not, as you both like all of the names, albeit to varying degrees, names in a hat? As you both have your preferences from the shortlist, whomever's is chosen, the other gets the middle name.

PlatypusLeague · 14/05/2019 09:41

Best to go back to the drawing board and go through the names which weren't used in 2017!

NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 14/05/2019 09:42

We had this. My daughter arriving nameless didn't bother me and it gave us the opportunity to try them out and see what worked. Plus when you husband sees what you go through with labour, they tend to become more generous with your name choices so there's that benefit too.

Original poster

MrsMeSeeks · 14/05/2019 09:53

Rainandwine I like the suggestion of getting him to try out one of the names to see how it feels - and I can do the same for the one he likes, if he promises to stop bloody pushing for it!

I think we might have to resort to names in a hat if we can't agree before she arrives. Pretty sure that the 2017 has most names that are actual names on it though - there are two different spellings of Khaleesi on there, so not sure what weird strange names wouldn't have been used at all!

OP posts:

NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 14/05/2019 09:55

Maybe just agree a trial name and then see what happens when she arrives. It isn't stressful after they are born, one will seem to fit when you meet her. It's hard in advance to name someone when you've never seen them!

LetsSplashMummy · 14/05/2019 10:03

You can look at too many names, so they just kind of blur and you miss a nice one. When your friends have announced their children's names, which have really grown on you or have you been surprised to like?

It sounds like your shortlist is too split between you and DH, expand it to ten or so and test the names out (imagine calling it in the park, introducing the baby to your family etc)

SallyWD · 14/05/2019 10:50

I had to compromise (so did my husband). We both went for names we liked but didn't love. The names are nice and now when I think of these names I think only of my child, not the actual sound of the name. You'll grow to love the name in time!

BertieBotts · 14/05/2019 10:57

We were like this with boy's names. There is an app which is like "tinder for baby names"- can't remember the name now but the logo is an egg. You sign up as a pair and it shows you the names you both like. That threw up some surprising combos for us which we hadn't thought of.

In the end though we both liked a short version of a name but couldn't choose a long form, we gave him an extra middle name so the first name didn't feel so short, and used the shortened version. I don't know that it was a favourite of either of us but once we settled on it we both love it and it really suits him.

BertieBotts · 14/05/2019 11:10

I think the problem when you LOVE a name though is that not many people really love an ordinary name like Alice or Jane. You tend to "love" names which are a bit more polarising like Arietty or Iris or Victoria. And then there's a higher chance the other one will think "Too weird" or "Old lady" or "Ugly". Maybe look for names that you feel less strongly about to begin with?

Look in your family histories - there will be names which aren't used currently because they are seen as old-fashioned which you might like. Also look to any different languages either of you has a connection with for names from that language.

mrsk28 · 14/05/2019 11:18

Download the BabyName app as mentioned above and you'll get notified when you get a match. There's loads of unusual names as well as regular names from around the globe so bound to get something.

Also it's true what people say that you'll feel a name suits baby or it doesn't when you see her so don't panic if you can't totally agree beforehand.

DH and I had agreed on a name for DS who was born 4 weeks ago and DH went off it for a while. When baby was born we both agreed straight away that was his name and nothing else would ever have suited!

Pegaroo · 14/05/2019 12:50

Scrap the shortlist and search again...you haven’t found the right one yet...perhaps look further than the top 100 names.

Original poster

MrsMeSeeks · 14/05/2019 12:55

Pegaroo Did you miss the bit where I said I'd been through the published list of girl's names registered in 2017? There are over 5000 names on there!

OP posts:

MikeUniformMike · 14/05/2019 13:01

Is the name something like Eleanor, where your DH would say it as Ellen-ORE nn Ellie and you ELL-iner?

Original poster

MrsMeSeeks · 14/05/2019 13:22

It's Evelyn. I like EV-uh-lyn, he says it EEV-lyn. He also keeps saying we'll just call her Eve anyway. I know people are likely to shorten it, and Eve is fine. But I like the EV-uh-lyn pronunciation a lot better. I'm worried I'd end up annoyed and resentful every time he said it!

OP posts:

MooBaaLaLaLa · 14/05/2019 13:28

Eev-lin is the male pronunciation isn't it? Like Evelyn Waugh.
That might persuade your DH to say it like you do!

NuffSaidSam · 14/05/2019 13:28

I think the best thing is to go for one you both like, but don't love.

Scrap the polarising list and start a new one for names you both like. You could then use your both your favourites as middle names.

Once it's your child's name you will come to love it anyway because the first thing you think of when you hear it will be your child.

Or use both the favourites and go double barrelled. This would only work if they're not too long and work reasonably well together.

Or if you're planning more DC, flip a coin winner names this child, loser names the next one!

MooBaaLaLaLa · 14/05/2019 13:29

So far as I know, it's Ev-uh-lin for a girl. (Not that you get many male Evelyns these days!)

NuffSaidSam · 14/05/2019 13:29

What's the name you like?

MikeUniformMike · 14/05/2019 13:32

I don't like the name, and the ones I know are Ever-lyn but are called Evie. I like Evie.

BertieBotts · 14/05/2019 13:32

Call her Eve without the Lyn

Original poster

MrsMeSeeks · 14/05/2019 13:39

Does anyone have a reliable source that states EEV-lyn is the boy version and EV-uh-lin the girl version? I did try that line, but he's managed to find something that convinced him EEV-lin is British and EV-uh-lin is American.

Just to be clear, I don't mind Eve/Evie but I'm not wonderfully keen. I'd want to call her the full version - I can accept the nickname, but I think it would wind me up if lots of people call her Eve while DH pronounces it his way. It's going to feel like I'm not even using the same name!

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 14/05/2019 13:44

I think either pronunciation can be used tbh.

I know two female Eve-lyn's one in her 60's and one in her 20's.

I know one female Ever-lyn, but her mum is American...

Even if it was traditionally the male pronunciation, it's made the transition now I think.

Flip

1 2 3 4