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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Help! We can't agree

99 replies

MrsMeSeeks · 14/05/2019 09:19

I don't need name suggestions, I need a methodology.

DH and I don't agree on girl's names, and we have 6 weeks to find one (well, 12 till she'll need to be registered, but I don't want her to arrive nameless - and definitely don't need the pressure of a registration deadline poured on top of this failure of accord!)

We have now been through the ENTIRE list of baby girl names registered in 2017. We have a "shortlist" of about 5 or 6 - but all of these are names that one of us loves and the other thinks is okay. So none feels like a compromise, it's always one person 'winning'. I think I'm struggling to give in because DH keeps pushing for a particular name saying "it's the one we agree on most". It isn't, it's just the one he likes best - we also pronounce it differently, and I'm less keen on his pronunciation and on the nickname he'd want to use. But I can't really expect him to just give in and accept one of 'my' names when I won't accept his.

So how do we find one? Is there a way to select from the shortlist, or do we need to scrap those options and pick something we both like (but neither of us love).

HOW do we do this?! It feels like we're just going to have to name her after the midwife, and end up with a name we both hate equally! It's getting ridiculous...

OP posts:
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Chocmallows · 14/05/2019 22:50

Names in a hat, two for Evelyn both pronunciations. Mix and pull out one. Refer to your bump as the chosen name for a week and see how you feel afterwards.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 14/05/2019 22:50

I also pronounce Evelyn like you do OP

Ingrid - okay, not keen
Isadora - hate it
Anais - will have to constantly tell others how to say it

Have to say I like Elodie best.

You could put Evelyn and Elodie into a hat and draw for it. Or propose that if you have a second girl, he gets his first choice then.

I assume you have already ruled out
Sylvie
Evangeline
Melody

Proseccofuelled · 14/05/2019 22:54

I was also going to ask about Evangeline

Proseccofuelled · 14/05/2019 22:55

Also Adeline has a similar sort of feel

TitusAndromedom · 14/05/2019 23:07

I’m sure you’ve already considered it, but Astrid?

Original poster
MrsMeSeeks · 15/05/2019 06:14

Yes, already considered all of those and none that we both like. We have the Baby Name app, so working on a new shortlist - then it's pick one out of a hat time!

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 15/05/2019 07:05

She will come out with a willy now and it will be back to square one :o

TatianaLarina · 15/05/2019 07:35

Anaïs is the stand out name for me on your list - it’s gorgeous. The others are meh.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know how to pronounce it - the 3 examples given by one poster are simply incorrect. As you long as you + DH pronounce it the same - that’s important thing.

I think you need to drop Evelyn on that ground - you will never agree.

Also Eve is one of the most overused girls’ names.

BertrandRussell · 15/05/2019 07:39

“As you long as you + DH pronounce it the same - that’s important thing.”

No it isn’t. She will be going out Into the world in no time flat, and nobody will be sure how to pronounce her name. Which will be dismal.

TatianaLarina · 15/05/2019 07:44

Yes it is. Anaïs is a well known name.

There are many English names where the pronunciation has to be checked - Ev-lyn and Eevlyn etc.

Getthepetwet · 15/05/2019 07:58

Wait until he's watched you go through the hours (or days!) of torture, giving birth and then ask him who deserves to have the final say on the name. For the record, I know about 5 Evelyn's under the age of 4, something to consider as it's become increasingly popular.

SundayMorningSun · 15/05/2019 08:32

We're currently in the stage of trying out names on the bump.

What I will say, is give each name a full week. Every name seems unnatural / weird / too grown-up for the first day or so. After a week, most of the names we've tried have felt like they fit into our family really well!

NuffSaidSam · 15/05/2019 10:27

'I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know how to pronounce it'

You've shown every single person you know the name Anaïs written down and asked them to pronounce it?!

What an unusual hobby!

How many people would you say you know? Is it a statistically significant sample?

I have no idea what percentage of the people I know could pronounce it, or any other name, correctly!

Have you done similar research on other names?

Threeandabit · 15/05/2019 11:34

Carolyn?

That doesn't appear in the 2017 stats. Same ending as Evelyn without the pronunciation differences.

Might be worth looking at Scotland's name statistics, and Ireland's for some more inspiration. England and Wales only include names used 3 times or more. Scotland include all names used.

Good luck Smile

FizzyGreenWater · 15/05/2019 12:00

The first thing you need to do is take Evelyn off the table because it is going to cause actual problems (which I would do anyway simply because the Eve- sound is SO overused at the moment - honestly it is by far the least inspiring of your choices). But here it's not even a case of it's his fave but not yours - you cannot use it as there is a conflict on the pronunciation/nn etc. It's not a neutral choice at all. It goes.

Anais is also 'not neutral' - there's a clear pronunciation issue here too. Decide with him whether either of you are fussed about that. If not, it stays. If either of you think that it would annoy you - it goes.

Then I would honestly put Isadora, Ingrid and Elodie in a hat (possibly with Anais).

FWIW I would go with Ingrid (but no nn), Isadora next best (but good nns), Elodie too fussy for me. Not keen on Anais. (Love Anouk though).

FizzyGreenWater · 15/05/2019 12:02

Oh and tell your DH in no uncertain terms to stop bullying - or you'll pull the surname card, and name her yourself.

TatianaLarina · 15/05/2019 12:35

What an unusual hobby!

Potentially more interesting than snippy sarcasm on the internet.

It’s a well known French name. I know someone called Anaïs and I’ve never heard anyone pronounce it incorrectly, including those who don’t know her personally. It’s a famous perfume that many of my friends had in the 80s - never heard anyone pronounce it incorrectly then either. It’s the name of a famous writer - Anaïs Nin - and I don’t know anyone who’s likely not to have heard of her. All of my school friends did French O level at least and they know how what a diaeresis signifies. Most of my adult friends speak at least one other language.

So yes I can certainly say I’ve never heard it mispronounced among my acquaintance.

BertieBotts · 15/05/2019 12:41

I don't know how to pronounce Anaïs. Got a B in gcse French and everything.

Zoeputthatdown · 15/05/2019 12:49

Our DD's name popped into my head when she was born. Luckily DH liked it too.

Anaïs is gorgeous.
(I have never met an Evelyn who introduced herself as EVElyn).

NuffSaidSam · 15/05/2019 12:52

Maybe your friends are not representative of the population at large Tatiana?

I know lots of people who don't speak two languages (and lots of people who do) and /or didn't do French O level. I definitely know loads of people who won't be familiar with Anaïs Nin. I know many people who weren't old enough to be wearing perfume in the 80's.

I think there is a fair chance that the OP's DD could, in her life, encounter a fair number of these people....meaning that pronunciation could well be an issue.

Kudos on having such cultured and well educated friends though!

TatianaLarina · 15/05/2019 15:52

I didn’t claim they were. But U.K. cities now tend to have international communities these days, London obviously, and people have unusual names from all over the world - we all cope. Anaïs would hardly register.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/05/2019 15:55

Well pronunciation aside, the reason I'm not entirely sold on Anais is that is sounds a bit too close to Anus for me.

BertrandRussell · 15/05/2019 15:58

“I have never met an Evelyn who introduced herself as EVElyn).“

My grandmother was EVE-ln

BertrandRussell · 15/05/2019 16:00

“I know many people who weren't old enough to be wearing perfume in the 80's.”

I know many people who are old enough and think I was pronounced Anay-Anay.

diddlediddle · 15/05/2019 16:24

Yeah the perfume was my reference too! Along with a rudimentary understanding of French. If it's not pronounced A-nay then I'll be very perplexed