Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Denise...

68 replies

Lydietta · 02/03/2019 11:25

Dh's mum died a few years ago - she was only in her fifties so it was very traumatic for everyone.

He wants to give dd his mum's name as a middle name - in theory, it's a lovely idea, but her name was Denise. She was a lovely person, but I can't get past how much I hate that name - it's so dated and ugly .

It also doesn't go at all with any of the first names we've been considering:
Madeleine Denise
Flora Denise
Tabitha Denise
Juliet Denise
Saskia Denise

They all sound terrible together, don't they?

Would it be wrong of me to put my foot down and refuse?

Can you think of any other way we could honour his mum without using her name?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OpiesOldLady · 02/03/2019 11:29

I think it's fine as a middle name. You hardly ever use a middle name anyway.

I really don't think there would be any way of not using it without upsetting your DH.

Failing that, hope it's a boy? then it can be Denephew

jomaIone · 02/03/2019 11:29

Does it really matter what her middle name is? I barely use mine and it's a nice thing to do to honour your child's grandmother!

RuthW · 02/03/2019 11:30

Flora Denise is lovely.

MayMadness · 02/03/2019 11:32

What month was your MIL born in? Could you either use that month as a name (if it's April, May, June) or the month flower if not?

DramaAlpaca · 02/03/2019 11:34

I agree that it's not a particularly nice name, but actually it works quite well as a middle name for all of those on your list. I'd go with it for your DH's sake.

daisypond · 02/03/2019 11:40

Hm, I don't like it, so I see what you mean. But it's a middle name, so it doesn't matter really. Or you could go for another form of the name - Denisa (an East European form) sounds quite nice. It's such an old name you could look at some of the older English forms, like Deonisia. There are lots of others.

Original poster

Lydietta · 02/03/2019 11:40

What month was your MIL born in? Could you either use that month as a name (if it's April, May, June) or the month flower if not?

She was born in February - so that's Iris? That is really pretty, maybe I'll see if DH will agree to that.

OP posts:

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/03/2019 11:42

Flora Denise
Tabitha Denise
Both of these sound lovely to me.

Switsy · 02/03/2019 11:48

I think you're being pretty cold about this to be honest. Personally I much prefer a middle name with meaning (to honour a much missed mum, for example) than one that's chosen just because it's pretty. And I don't think Denise is ugly at all. It's certainly dated but it will be back in fashion at some point. No doubt about it.

Trying to palm him off with Iris because his mother was born in February and Iris is the flower of February (who knew) is almost worse than choosing a new name entirely.

Munchkin08 · 02/03/2019 11:54

I think they are fine. We called my son First name and then the names of both his grandads - could you add you mums name too or first name, another and then Denise? No one really uses there middle names - I haven't even got one.

manicinsomniac · 02/03/2019 12:00

Actually I think all those names sound lovely with Denise. It's not a name I'd choose as a first name (or as a middle name without a reason) but they are hundreds of worse names out there and with such an emotive connection as that I'd use it paired with any of those first names in a heartbeat.

EntirelyAnonymised · 02/03/2019 12:05

I agree with switsy, tbh. My DD has my (deceased) MIL’s name as a middle name. It isnt a fashionable name, nor was it when she was born, but it is meaningful.

EntirelyAnonymised · 02/03/2019 12:05

And I don’t think the name Denise is ugly, actually.

grasspigeons · 02/03/2019 12:09

its not my favourite name, but actually I think all the names flow really well which doesn't help your argument. and everyone knows middle names that are often a tribute to a much loved relative so just hear the love not the name.

EstrellaDamn · 02/03/2019 12:10

I actually think it makes a nice middle name with any of your choices.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 02/03/2019 12:13

Maybe Eden? Nn Denni?

ConfCall · 02/03/2019 12:14

Flora Denise is really nice! I also like Tabitha Denise.

Don't fob DH off with a random flower connection that no one will understand OP. This was his mum, after all.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/03/2019 12:15

All your name choices are gorgeous. Just choose a name you love and add Denise. Maybe add another name you like and put Denise on the end. Middle names don’t have to go. They are often after a loved one that’s no longer here. It’s a lovely thing to do OP.

Bussells · 02/03/2019 12:20

I think using it for its meaning is a lot more important than going with something you prefer, especially when it’s hardly ever going to be used. Think of how much this means to your DH, it’s his baby as much as yours.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/03/2019 12:22

Also I think it will be lovely for DD to have that connection with her granny that she never got to meet.

Cattenberg · 02/03/2019 12:32

I do associate Denise with women born roughly from the late forties to the mid sixties. But by the time your DD is an adult, it might be fashionable again.

I think it’s quite nice and works fine as a middle name. Louise is a super-popular middle name for women my age and Denise doesn’t sound that different. As a PP has suggested, you could also add another middle name if you think that would sound better.

tomhazard · 02/03/2019 12:42

It's not a great name but seriously how often do we really roll out our middle names? I would just choose nice name - nice name - Denise - surname. It's a nice thing for your husband and it really doesn't matter

Luckingfovely · 02/03/2019 12:49

I really dislike Denise as well, but all of your first names are lovely.

Whether you use it as a middle name or not can only be judged by how important it is to your DH. I like Iris in memory too.

IVflytrap · 02/03/2019 13:01

I think Denise goes well with all those names. My favourite of your list is Saskia Denise. Middle names often sound good if the emphasis is on the second syllable - that's why names like Marie and Louise were popular as middle names, so Denise works well in that respect.

I don't think Denise is ugly at all. If it wasn't for it being associated with women in their 50s and 60s, and it reemerged today, it would probably be seen as fresh and new. (I sometimes think we should question why a name's association with middle aged and older women is such a terrible thing that it makes the name seem ugly and old. But this thread isn't the place really so feel free to ignore me.)

Ultimately, if you hate it so much then you probably shouldn't use it as you'll end up resentful. But then you'd really need to say something to your husband as soon as possible so he has time to come to terms with it. Personally I would be upset in his shoes, but she is as much your baby as his which means you both get a say.

Shadow1234 · 02/03/2019 13:11

Agree with majority, you only really use middle name for documents etc, so it's never used. I am in my 50's and only my immediately family know my middle name, (no-one else has ever asked or wanted to know). so think how happy it would make your DH to use it and honour his mum.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread