Denise...

[Lydietta]

Dh's mum died a few years ago - she was only in her fifties so it was very traumatic for everyone.

He wants to give dd his mum's name as a middle name - in theory, it's a lovely idea, but her name was Denise. She was a lovely person, but I can't get past how much I hate that name - it's so dated and ugly .

It also doesn't go at all with any of the first names we've been considering:
Madeleine Denise
Flora Denise
Tabitha Denise
Juliet Denise
Saskia Denise

They all sound terrible together, don't they?

Would it be wrong of me to put my foot down and refuse?

Can you think of any other way we could honour his mum without using her name?

My sons middle name is Dennis for same reasons. It's his middle name and I love the sentiment.

I agree it’s not the prettiest name but it is such a lovely reason to use it. We are having a son, but if he were a girl she’d have been called Suzette after my mum who passed away a couple of years ago... and I think I’d be pretty upset if the DH vetoed it.
Having said that I love the names Madeline and Flora and think they both sound really pretty with the middle name Denise. So go for it. Your daughter will always feel a connection with her Grandma :)

It’s a lovely way to remember his mum. We have Denis as a middle name if that’s any consolation

Did Denise have a middle name you could use?

This happened to my older sister, she got a dated middle name but totally understood the sentiment behind it (along the lines of Maureen).

I think Denise is fine for a middle name. I only know lovely Denises, both in their 30s. It’s a lovely thing for your DH. Also, your daughter will never know her granny, which is so sad. Let her have this connection instead. I’d love to have either of my granny’s names (both old fashioned) as a middle name, as I never knew either of them.

Although I understand your DP wanting this, I also see why you don’t want it if you don’t like the name. My grandad died just before I had my son and I really wanted to ‘honour’ him by calling my son his name and then my grandads name. However it just didn’t sound right as it’s a very unique name with my grandads name is very old and a long name. I couldn’t settle on it. I just didn’t like it. I then realised I wasn’t honouring him by putting his name as my sons name and I can honour him in other ways. I wouldn’t expect my dc to call their dc ‘after me’ when I die. They are a new person with a new identity, I have my name and they will have theirs?

I realised I was just doing it because it’s known as a nice thing to do. In the future though if I have another son I will use his name if it suits the first name.

Either you pick 2 middle names and have the second one as Denise.

Or yes, you ‘put your foot down’, explain you really don’t like it and maybe you could use it on a future daughters middle name where it suits more (as I agree is doesn’t go with your possible names). Your DP May be very upset with this though, and remember she’s his dd aswell

Good luck

I think Flora Denise And Saskia Denise work really well, though Saskia isn't my taste I think if it was, I'd be well chuffed with Saskia Denise it flows really well

I think it is the right thing by your DH to honour it

I think all those combinations work just fine. Of course you can veto any name but losing a parent young is traumatic and having a child of your own often brings up feelings of grief (my dh's mum died at 50 and he felt very sad about never being able to introduce our children to his mum, and for our children losing their grandmother) so I would tread very carefully.

Personally I'd say the only way to really honour someone is to use their name. I don't even know my MIL's middle name and I don't connect my mum's middle name with her at all. The birth month flower is particularly tenuous, my dd's middle name is my grandmother's, if dh had suggested something like that I would have thought it very odd indeed and might have been quite upset/angry.

My dd's middle name isn't at all fashionable and doesn't really 'match' her first name but she loves the connection. I don't see why anyone would automatically dislike Denise, to me it's as nice as any of the OP's first name choices.

My middle name is Hilda after a family member who died just before I was born. I absolutely love having this name, the meaning is so important and I actually love it as a name because it's my name! Even though people say it's 'one of the old lady names that will never come back'. I love the fact no one ever guesses what my middle name is "Hannah, Helen, Harriet, Henrietta Hermione? No? What IS it then? Ooh! like in Sabrina the Teenage Witch" every time. Hilarious. Everyone I grew up with had some fairly popular, safe middle name with no story to it. Go with meaning! Your daughter will be grateful of it.

What about Denni I think it's lovely or did his mum have a middle name or would her maiden name work? Eg my grandmothers maiden name was Parker which works as a first name for a boy or a girl.

@switsy glad it wasn't just me that thought this!

My daughter is named after my mum and grandma -both long and old fashioned names that dont flow and I dont like particularly.
I love her first name and she is quite proud of her middle names. I would have been devastated if my husband would have opposed.
There is more to a name than how it sounds and flows. Give her one of the lovely first names on your list and let your husband honour his mother. If he would have asked for it as a first name I would agree its not fair etc. A middle name will rarely be used but will give him and his family so much comfort and happiness

Would it be wrong of me to put my foot down and refuse?

Absolutely.

All your first name choices are old fashioned(except Saskia which is awful in itself), people seem to forget all these supposed cute/cool names might be trendy now and on a toddler but how will your child fare at school, as an adult etc or does everyone live in a nice middle class village full of Floras, Hugh's etc?
Let your DH honour his mum and don't be a snob.

I think it's fine as a middle name .

Flora Denise sounds lovely.
My friend's DD has "Wendy" as a middle name, for similar reasons. Dated and not everyone's cup of tea, but the sentiment was more important to my friends.
If you really and truly dislike it, tell DH but otherwise I'd just go for it and honour his mum.

I can understand it's not your favourite but I actually think any on your list sound fine. I would do it for DH. It was his mum and will mean far more to him that you giving a random pretty name means to you. It's a lovely gesture and I think you'll come to accept it if you look at it a different way.

I agree with almost everyone that it is a lovely idea and a perfectly acceptable middle name. I don't think you should go for Iris or another obscure reference . Your daughter will feel honoured to be named in this way, it's much more meaningful and personal than picking a currently fashionable to 'match ' her first name.