Denise...

[Lydietta]

Dh's mum died a few years ago - she was only in her fifties so it was very traumatic for everyone.

He wants to give dd his mum's name as a middle name - in theory, it's a lovely idea, but her name was Denise. She was a lovely person, but I can't get past how much I hate that name - it's so dated and ugly .

It also doesn't go at all with any of the first names we've been considering:
Madeleine Denise
Flora Denise
Tabitha Denise
Juliet Denise
Saskia Denise

They all sound terrible together, don't they?

Would it be wrong of me to put my foot down and refuse?

Can you think of any other way we could honour his mum without using her name?

My niece got saddled with Brenda as a middle name for exactly the same reasons OP. She has a beautiful first name although it also begins with a B so her full name sounds clunky.
She never ever uses it apart from very official documents. I'd let your husband have his way on this. Middle names are pretty pointless really.

Denise as a middle name is fine. I hate my middle name (female version of father's name🙄) but it's so rarely used I don't think about it.

You hardly ever use the middle name and it's a really nice gesture. Denise sounds fine with the names on your list.

Let your husband have this, it would mean a lot to him. Losing a mum is horrible.

Look, if you have to spend ten minutes explaining why Iris is connected to Denise by stretching to establish a connection with a birth month, it’s really not honoring the person you’re supposed to be honoring is it?Don’t do this to your DH. It’s disingenuous and disrespectful. It’s going to be a middle name, it’s actually not ugly and sounds fine with all the names the names on your list except perhaps Saskia which is a bit of a mouthful all by itself tbh.

I agree, it’s not a nice name, and doesn’t go well with your other names - they’re of different generations.

But given that it means so much to your dh, I would probably bury it behind another middle name.

Something like:
Flora Madeleine Denise
Juliet Flora Denise

I think it does have to be a genuine name, if not Denise did she have a middle name, maiden name or family nickname that may work?

I'm not sure you can bury it , it will still be a middle name. It's either there or it's not. Unless you plan to announce her name as JULIET.FLORA...........tiny swift mumble of denise. SMITH.

My dd has her deceased mils name as a second name. Same type of name as Denise. Worse even!!
I was a bit nervous she would never forgive me.
Her main name has become very popular in last few years and now she says why didn't you call me...her grans name. Its like its vintage or something and she is quite proud of it.
Go for Denise. It makes your dh happy and who knows she might love it.
Connections are important and mean a lot to children as they grow.

I agree with Genevieva - use it after another middle name that ‘goes’ better with the chosen first name. I don’t really like Denise either, but agree with pps that it would seem harsh not to honour your MIL by using her actual name. Something like Juliet Annabel Denise sounds better than just Juliet Denise, whilst still honouring your bany’s Grandmother. Good luck with it all

I think it's fine as a middle name. It's not ugly. I know two lovely Denises and it never crossed my mind that anyone would think it an ugly name.
Please use it as a middle name.

I actually think Denise sounds nice with your first name choices - if you separate the name from an association with women in their fifties it is actually quite pretty and not dissimilar to say Elise, which is very popular. It’s definitely better as a middle name than filler names like Grace and Rose and it will probably be ultra cool by the time she is a teenager.

Saskia is my favorite on your list and I love the Iris idea! Or maybe Amythyst as that's the birthstone for February? Just another idea.

Sorry your lost your mother, but massive congratulations on the baby!

Honestly I think Denise is nicer than Iris (that really is old fashioned and ugly IMO), and anyway it's only a middle name.

Juliet Denise and Flora Denise are lovely.

Agree with a PP, it's unfortunate that as soon as a name is associated with middle-aged (gasp!) women, it's considered ugly. Much more so than boys names from the same generation.

I think Flora Denise works well.

Your MIL, Denise, died very young - I think it would be lovely to give your daughter her name. As others have said, Flora Denise is a nice combination.

To dilute things, if you're really not convinced, why not add a third name? In reality, middle names don't count - how often are they used?

My granddaughter aged 9 has my rather dated name as her middle name

To be fair I think the male equivalent of Denise might be something like Trevor and I don't see people rushing to use that either!

But I think all these unfashionable French names like Denise, Christine, Jacqueline, Lorraine etc. will be a big naming trend in 20 years time or so. They'll sound fresh again by that stage.

(I hope Trevor never makes a comeback though!)

The male equivalent of Denise would be Denis.

Unless you really disliked your mil, I don't think this is up for too much discussion really. It's either Denise or one of her middle names.

Everyone knows out of kilter middle names are probably in honour of someone.

Both of my children have middle names 'after' somebody - one is Kenneth and one is Brian. Hardly lovely or modern names and neither especially goes with their first names, but in my family it's tradition to honour an important friend or relative with a middle name, rather than just pluck a random name out of thin air. I also have thus kind of middle name and it's about the least nice name there is, but I hardly ever use it and neither do my children.

My brother used to just tell people he didn't have a middle name because he didn't like his.

Use the name.

I meant equivalent in terms of what was an equally fashionable boys' name at the time.

My dm is Denise. I don't think it is ugly. Also middle name should have meaning otherwise whats the point of it?

I don't understand the whole 'middle name must match first name' thing. For me, like other posters have said, I think middle names are for names with significant meaning. I have a very old fashioned middle name (and not trendily so) - the female version of my Grandfather's name - but I would never want to change it. Denise would be a lovely honour and give you an excuse to tell baby all about her late Grandmother.

Forgot to add, I have a friend whose husband is Turkish and they named their daughter Deniz - pronounced Deneez. It's a lovely soft-sounding name, and easy for both sides of the family!

My friend was initially reluctant as she identified it as very old-fashioned

Deniz is now a gorgeous 21-year old.

It isn't a favourite name for me, but I think it is fine as a middle name with any of the first names you have chosen.

It is also a lovely way for your DH to honour his presumably much missed mother, so if I were you I would let it happen. It will mean so much to him, and there might be a danger that he resents you if you totally veto it and say how ugly it is to you.

Let him do it. You get your choices of first name.

Use it. Your daughter will hardly ever use her middle name apart from on official documents which are private anyway and not on show.It's lovely to have a link with her Grandmother and DH will be so happy that although his mother never met his daughter its something they share.

There's something both ageist and sexist about dismissing names as ugly on the basis that they're associated with middle-aged women. Denise is perfectly nice and, as pp have said, it'll probably have its moment again soon. When I was a kid, we would have been baffled by someone choosing to call a baby Freddie, Albert, Agnes, Margot, or any of the other names that we generally thought of as "old", yet now they're fashionable again.

My middle name was my gran's, and I hated it for years, but it's come back around and it sounds more like a classic now.