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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Friend stopped speaking to me over my baby’s name

28 replies

Mamatobe83 · 30/01/2019 00:05

I’ve recently had a baby boy and my DH had chosen a name that we both liked however it’s the same name as my friend’s 6yr old son so I wasn’t sure. The name meant a lot to my DH and we liked it over other names so I decided to ask my friend whether it was ok to use it as this was the only reason we weren’t! For context my friend has never met my partner or been to my house, I see her about 3-4 times a year which I tend to instigate and we don’t live in the same area, so after much deliberation we didn’t think it was a good enough reason not to name our son a name we both loved.

I messaged her and she said she didn’t mind and understood that finding names is hard. So we named our son this and we are very happy with the name and it suits him well! I thought I’d done the right thing in asking... But since then my friend has deleted me from social media and I found out from a mutual friend she was hurt that we had called our son the same name as her son. She hasn’t spoken to me directly about this and I feel incredibly offended that she has deleted me and obviously can’t bear to look at any pictures of our baby who shares the same name as her son. I feel like I did the right thing in asking but wondered what others opinions are on this. Would you react this way?

OP posts:

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PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 30/01/2019 00:09

Hmmm.

What’s the name?

If it’s Ignatius or Fox or something similarly unusual I could kind of see why she was a bit put out. Still an overreaction though.

If it’s a top 50 name like George or Noah etc then she is being extremely unreasonable.

Hippee · 30/01/2019 00:12

Sorry that has happened to you - I can't understand it. We did the same with friends, whose son is only a year older than DS2 - we only see them a couple of times a year and they were fine with it - and DS2 counts their DS as a great friend, because they have the same name. I would be fine with it the other way round.

Original poster

Mamatobe83 · 30/01/2019 00:13

It’s a fairly common name and not unusual at all! My DH didn’t like the name I’d chosen because he thought it was too unusual. I would understand if it was really unique. So I went with a more uncommon middle name!

OP posts:

Original poster

Mamatobe83 · 30/01/2019 00:23

Thank you Hippee, that’s lovely that you’ve got nice friends! I don’t understand it either, if it was the other way around I’d be flattered and happy for a friend to use it. I’m not sure why she has decided to cut us out of her life instead without even speaking to me about it.

OP posts:

Bernadetteloves · 30/01/2019 00:26

I wouldn't worry. You can use whatever name you want. My DH shares his first name with 2 of his cousins, one on both sides of his family. None of them thought anything of it. One gets DH-y, the other 2 just get DH. An uncle of each side also shares it. One gets uncle DH, the other DH and his surname as he is an uncle to them by marriage. My point being it happens all the time. People like names. They can use them if they want.

ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2019 00:31

She's nuts. Names don;t belong to anyone as sole possessor, and you'd asked her and she'd said OK! She's got nothing to feel hurt over.

FortunesFave · 30/01/2019 00:40

I was flattered when a friend of my DH's wife confessed that she wanted the same name as my DDs she said "We are copying...I won't lie...we heard your DDs name and thought how lovely it is and there's nothing else!"

I didn't mind. Your mate's nuts.

Ellie56 · 30/01/2019 00:42

Honestly some people get so precious! Nobody owns a name.

OlennasWimple · 30/01/2019 00:42

Well, what are you going to do? You aren't going to change the name of your baby, so she either has to live with it or she isn't your friend any more

Ribbonsonabox · 30/01/2019 00:43

Your friend is nuts and shes done you a favour blocking you. People that oversensitive will not ever bring much joy into your life!

Zacksnan · 30/01/2019 00:47

No one owns a name.

A cousin told me that I couldn’t use the name I wanted for my son because she’d used it for her son several years before.

It was my deceased father’s name!

Ignore OP and move on. It is her loss of a good friend. You sound very nice.

Zacksnan · 30/01/2019 00:49

FortunesFave

I was flattered when a friend of my DH's wife...

Aren’t you your DH’s wife?

ninalovesdragons · 30/01/2019 00:52

She's nuts. She doesn't own it, no matter how unusual it is. Forget her and get on with your life

Joboy · 30/01/2019 00:54

My ex husband freind name their son the same aa my youngest son.
They met 3 to 4 times growing up.
No problem at all.
They did ask .
They said something like ." We ask your eldest boy what can we name our baby he said his baby brother name ( he was only 2 and did not have any imagination) and they wouldn't it be weird. I went no of course and i was flatter that they like the name i choose.

Nobody owns a name .

TheMaddHugger · 30/01/2019 00:54

Zacksnan Wed 30-Jan-19 00:49:24
FortunesFave

I was flattered when a friend of my DH's wife...

Aren’t you your DH’s wife? confused

I think it's ment to be the Wife of said friend

Zacksnan · 30/01/2019 01:01

TheMaddHugger Oh haha!

As in “I was flattered when the wife of one of DH’s friends..”

Thanks!

TigerQuoll · 30/01/2019 01:18

She can hardly justify being offended when you asked her and she said she was fine. If she was going to get offended, then why not tell you? You could choose to still use the name in which case being upset would be justified, or you wouldn't use it and everyone would live happily ever after.

You did the right thing, more communication is always better than less.

getawayslough · 30/01/2019 01:22

eh that is like saying you are not going to speak to them as they eat the same type of chocolate bar or like the same song as you do...

seriously the woman sounds crazy...wtf?No i would not feel hurt by thus and be glad she is out of my life if that is how she behaves. What a bloody nutter. Move on-situations like this are often a gift as we see the true character of people. Sounds like a drama queen and is using this non event to bitch about you and try to poisons others against you. Likely jealous you had a kid and are having attention.

Topseyt · 30/01/2019 03:06

She's not a friend. She is also petty and childish.

I must say that I wouldn't even have asked her. If I liked the name I would just have used it.

YeOldeTrout · 30/01/2019 04:59

If I were friend, I'd compliment your good taste. With friends like that...

Original poster

Mamatobe83 · 30/01/2019 07:20

Thank you for your opinions on this. I do feel like we’re better off without her and that she is being unreasonable. I’m not sure I could’ve done anything different.

OP posts:

JulietAconite · 30/01/2019 07:26

Doesn't sound like she was a good or close friend that you will miss much. V odd to say it didn't matter and then sever connections. V odd to be bothered about it- lots of people have the same first name. Doesn't sound like there would ever be much confusion caused by the 2 DCs having the same name as you only see her a few times a year and she's never met your DH.
She is behaving irrationally. Ignore her and see how it goes.

OutPinked · 30/01/2019 17:48

I’m pissed off because there’s thousands of names to choose from but DP’s best friend is wanting to call his baby a diminutive of our baby’s name if they have a boy. I’m literally praying they have a girl . It’s basically like our DS is Alfred and they’re wanting to use Alfie but it’s even more obvious than that... Our DS’s name isn’t massively uncommon but as I say, thousands of names and they’re going for that. The diminutive isn’t as common as Alfie is for further context.

I would be annoyed too. I know general consensus on mn is that nobody owns a name but it can take months to lovingly choose a name for your DC so it’s irritating when a friend decides to copy.

ZebraKid71 · 30/01/2019 17:53

If it's a friend you don't see often and it's a common name there is no issue at all.

If one of my best friends that I see weekly and have regular playdates used my dds name I'd be a bit annoyed, or if it was a very unusual name.

In your situation, your friend is being ridiculous and I'd happily go along with her cutting ties!

mummytwoh · 30/01/2019 20:44

She's 12 right? No adult would behave like that so I'm guessing she's a child 🙄

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