awkward

[rach2019]

So I'm 12 weeks and recently at a family party my SIL came up to me and told me I can't use the name "violet" if its a girl, however it was the name me and partner had already chosen if its a girl.
Obviously I dont want to upset her by using it but I had my heart set on that name.
I know this is only applicable if it is a girl, but they are not even going to try for a baby for another 2 years and she might have changed her mind by then?
How can I go around this?

Just use it if that’s what you want. My sil told me she wanted Charlotte when I was pregnant (which wasn’t in our list anyway), she is now pregnant and baby is set to be called Harriet!

but I had my heart set on that name.

Did you tell your SIL this?

My 19 month old is called Violet. I had her name picked out since I was fifteen, six years before she was born. Had anyone told me when pregnant that I couldn't use the name I would've told them to bugger right off!

Did you tell your SIL that you'd already decided you wanted the name?

Yeah i told her and showed her the list on my phone but it was kind of laughed off. I'm just nervous that when the time comes she will get upset. Dont want to cause an argument

You’ve told her so I would just leave it now and focus on your pregnancy. If you have a girl, and still want to call her Violet, then name her that but accept your SIL might be upset about it.

Your sil is being silly. She can't bag a name! Especially a popular name like Violet.
Anyway, she may have boys and never use it, so it's nonsense.
Just go ahead and use the name you want. That's not causing trouble, it's ordinary behaviour. Laugh at her.

I’d send her a text saying something along the lines of ‘it’s funny that we like the same name - Violet is such a pretty name and dh and I have decided that is the name we definitely going to choose if it’s a girl.’ She might be annoyed but she’ll get over it.

It would haven era if you: mentioned on the spot that it was your top name. I'm afraid now it'll look as if she mentioned it and only sometime after that did it come up for you. People may well not believe your version, given the timeline. And deliberate poaching, rather than 'shit we both like the same, what do we do' may attract criticism (though perhaps not to your face).

Do you know why they are attached to the name? Doesn't it have any special (possibly non-obvious) significance?

Also think about why you are so set on it. Is your DP equally keen? Because he may not want to upset his DSis (especially if it's a sentimental reason for them for the name), and may like other names just as much.

It was my Dp who wanted the name specifically. Its my brothers fiance who said it to me and shes quite petty i guess. It feels sad to have to find another name however maybe the worry is premature because I dont even know the sex of my baby yet.
I dont even think my brother wants kids but thats a whole other story

You can't reserve a name.
Call your baby Violet if you want. (but only if it's s girl)

I would have just said that Violet is the name you're choosing if it's a girl. No ifs or buts. People can't bags a name.

Do you usually let people walk all over you like this?

She can’t bagsy a name. She might only have boys. She might never marry your DB and have kids with someone else. Your DB or her might turn out to be infertile. Or she might change her mind, or your DB might not agree to choose that name. So many possibilities! It’s first come first served. Name your baby whatever you want and if she doesn’t like it it’s tough. She needs to get over herself, she’s a rude selfish cow! I hope you told your DB that his fiancée has been trying to dictate what you name your own child!!

Use whatever name you like she is being ridiculous

I would just relax. You don't know if it's a girl or a boy. You may change your mind. Out DS1 was named from about 20 weeks, DS2 was named before conception(!) And our girl was Lyra, then Harriet. This was then changed to something diffrent about 5 days before she was born. So I would wait and see. Use the name if you still like it. Good luck and congratulations.

Use the name. She isn't pregnant and she can't put a 'hold' on a name.

You don't get to put dibs on a name!

She's being ridiculous.

My brother told us he wanted to use Victoria, and jokingly said we couldn't. We never considered it, and would probably not have chosen it anyway, but when the time came, he and his wife called their daughter something completely different!

I had this 14 yrs ago from a friend- was a boys name she had in her top
list. My ds has the name, I've not seen her for about 13 yrs

Just use it. She’s not even pregnant and their relationship might change. It’s a lovely name.

I can understand your worry but if it is the name you have your heart set on then go for it.

I had a slightly different but similar problem 30 years ago in that we had chosen a name (long before becoming pregnant) but my sister-in-law on my husband's side (now my ex-husband) was also pregnant and due 3 months before me.

Needless to say, their baby was given the name we had chosen, but they weren't aware we were thinking of the same name.

My daughter's name suits her!

She’s being completely absurd. Why would you even think of pandering to this?

If you give birth to a daughter, name her Violet.

No one owns the right to use a first name

Congratulations!

Well it came up again tonight over dinner and my OH said we are using it and thats that. She started crying so that was fun!!

Ignore! She is being ridiculous