awkward

[rach2019]

So I'm 12 weeks and recently at a family party my SIL came up to me and told me I can't use the name "violet" if its a girl, however it was the name me and partner had already chosen if its a girl.
Obviously I dont want to upset her by using it but I had my heart set on that name.
I know this is only applicable if it is a girl, but they are not even going to try for a baby for another 2 years and she might have changed her mind by then?
How can I go around this?

I felt so bad last night after she started crying. I feel very drained with it all. Shes now messaged my sister and told her this big story about reading a book with the name in when she was younger. I just hope its a boy now so i dont have to deal with it.
i feel as though if i chose the name now it would make her act differently towards me and my unborn baby
pregnancy hormones are raging because i cried and i never cry haha!!

Don't worry, OP, she'll get over it. She's being ridiculous. Just tell anyone who asks that she is welcome to name her daughter Violet even if you do too, but regardless of that it's all a bit pointless creating drama about it at this stage, being as you don't even know the sex yet!

Not your problem!

She’s not pregnant, she may never have a daughter.

I’m pleased you’ve stuck to your guns.

I think she sounds nuts. Immature, attention seeking, and jealous of you.
Cried!! Totally ridiculous and two can play at that game.
Don't give in, or she'll do it with your second choice too.

She is being so so childish and very unfair.
My sil told me when I was pregnant I ‘couldn't use’a certain name as she wanted it for her future son..
This was 11 years ago and she hasn’t had any children yet, would love to know if she even remembered that ridiculous conversation!

I honestly wouldn't worry about it too much. You have a loooooong way to go and a lot of time in which to change your mind! I'm sat here at 33 weeks and have had about 8 names all of which were 'the one'. I've given over stressing about it now, we will decide when she arrives!!

Use it anyway, no one owns a name. She might not even end up having a DD.

My DB told me two names not to use when I was pregnant. I wasn't planning to use these anyway.. Now they're expecting and neither name is on the list!

DBIL and DSIL (DH side) used the name that I wanted for my DD, been in my family for generations and they heard it at our wedding. So we named our DD something else, with family name as middle name. Not the end of the world, plenty of nice names out there.

So what was your brothers reaction to all of this?

Bloody use the name if you want OP!

She can't bagsy a name. She might like it now but if she had a baby, she might come up with completely different names. She's being weird.

The ONLY scenario I can think of where it would be reasonable to have that conversation would be if you've got two relatives pregnant at the same time and both knew (although nothing's guaranteed til they arrive, is it!) they were both having the same sex child. Then you might just be fair to ask about names to avoid doubling up on a related and very close in age pair of children. Anything else, sorry, whoever arrives first gets first dibs on names. If she likes it that much she could still use it anyway as they'd just become known as little Violet and Big Violet I guess?

Just read that back and where I say 'you've got two relatives pregnant' I don't mean by the same chap, now that would be a difficult conversation 😂

Your SIL is being utterly ludicrous. If she was pregnant she might have a point but she isn’t so that’s that. I’m glad your partner put her in her place. She sounds like a right pain in the arse.

Even if your baby is a boy I'd be tempted to go with Violet tbh

She sounds 'charming' but I do get both sides (in a less rediculous way) because I've had DDs name picked out since being a child after giving my baby doll this name and would have been gutted, although probably still used it, due to my attachment to the name, if a close family member had used it.

I've also been 'warned off' (for want of a better phrase) a boys name by my brother and future sister in law and although DH and I love this name and struggled when DD was born to come up with a boys name we both loved as much as the girls name, I would never use it.

That being said, my future sister in law sounds a lot nicer than yours and we're very close.

The only way I might (and only might) consider not using the name, was if it was a very special name.
eg, her sister was called violet and died young and she wants to name her child after her sister.

Then I might think about it. I would in that case certainly say - please go ahead and use it anyway, having 2 violets in the family is fine.

Or, as in dh family, there is a family name passed down for 7 generations. In that case if I was the SIL, I might say - heads up, if we have a ds he will be called XX after the previous 7 generations. Feel free to use the name, but be warned we will use same name if we have ds.

When I had dd 5 years ago dh picked her name not long before she was born.
3 hours after giving birth I had a horrible text from my cousin (who I had grown up very close to) saying she can't believe I stole her baby name. No congratulations, nothing.
Apparently she had already told me this was her name. Not that I would have taken this into consideration anyway. But yeah- we didn't speak for 2 years afterwards and our relationship has never recovered to what it was.
She is yet to be in a serious relationship never mind get pregnant and have a daughter.
Do not change your name choice for someone else.

Oh gosh, I said this to my friend jokingly when she was pregnant and I felt instantly stupid, I just blurted out "oh no that was my girl name" anyway, I realised straight away and tried to back track but she used it as a middle name in the end, then had another girl and I suggested she use it for her this time and she didn't. No I'm having another and if it's a girl it's in my top 3 but not a dead cert anymore. To clarify, I'd not actually have been upset had she used it, I'd have thought "oh no" for a second and then pulled myself together. For my other children I have never used the first 3 names on my initial list after Ive met them something else popped into my head so I'm not expecting to know until after the birth. I'd use it and also you said she's your brothers girl friend? Not married to him (not that that's an issue we weren't married when I had my first two) or trying for a baby, she might not even be the mother of your niece, you may not have a girl and she may not have a girl (I've got 3 boys and I don't know yet but I'm guessing I'll have another.) Or you might look at them and think Violet isn't right for her. Just take it as it comes. You're a lovely person for caring, I can't believe she cried.