Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Going by middle name

90 replies

Jessica011 · 28/11/2018 21:39

Hi

I know it shouldn't get to me but it does... I'm sick of people saying my child's name is unusual and obviously by their faces hate my daughters name. In turn it's made me really hate my own daughters name and now I'd really like for her to go by her middle name.

I did have doubts for a very long time about her name as my husband choose it as in his heart he just felt she was this name and I've tried to love it too, but in truth I've suffered for nearly a year now with this name.

I hate the fact I dislike my daughters name.

Please help.

My question is, how quickly could a middle name be got used to? X

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
TheWiseWomansFear · 29/11/2018 00:00

Esme is a gorgeous name, Alice is boring. I'm pretty sure she'd change back in adulthood anyway

TigerQuoll · 29/11/2018 04:10

Can you call her Ezzy or Ezza as a nickname? My name is Erin and I was called Ezza in primary school.

I think Esme is lovely, one of those old fashioned names that have been disused so long people have forgotten how nice they are, like Mabel or Hazel.

Butterflycookie · 29/11/2018 04:16

Esme is a beautiful name! Pls don’t change it!!

moredoll · 29/11/2018 04:32

Esme is lovely. Alice is nice too but I think they're actually quite a similar kind of name. Alice is a bit more traditional and also slightly old-fashioned. I'm not sure I would change it if Esme's the name her friends know her by. You could be misinterpreting the looks on people's faces.

swimmerforlife · 29/11/2018 07:04

Most places now on forms etc have preferred name box (so you could put Alice in that)

Astronica · 29/11/2018 07:13

It's not a big deal at all to go by the middle name, and is quite a normal thing to do in some cultures. You just start using it if that's what you want to do. It's not too late to change what she's called.

However, Esme Alice is a lovely name. Did you love Esme before you thought other people were reacting to it? If so I strongly encourage you to ignore other reactions (how very rude of them) and be strong in continuing to use it. It really is a very appealing name that is quite popular and increasing in popularity. I feel Esme and Alice have a very similar sweet old-fashioned yet modern feel to them.

It really comes down to what you want in your heart. I like the idea of calling her Esme Alice, the full name, for a while to see if that helps.

SoupDragon · 29/11/2018 07:18

I'm surprised people are making faces at Esme. There's nothing wrong with it as a name at all, it's lovely.

I'm known by my middle name and it is a minor pain. I'm used to answering to either name (things like the doctor etc use my first/full name) and you do need to remember to use the first name when booking flights, or rather the other people are booking flights! Nothing majorly difficult though if you aren't fussed about using either name when necessary.

radioband · 29/11/2018 07:25

There is nothing wrong with Esme, there is many children called it now. I can't understand why you'd get a bad reaction from anyone about it. Could it be your insecurity about it?

Bellatrix14 · 29/11/2018 07:28

I also think she’s a bit old now for you to be changing her name, sorry. If she was a baby and you really didn’t like it I’d say go for it, but I think it would be unfair on her to do it at 2.

For what it’s worth I think Esme is a pretty name. I know that doesn’t help much if you don’t like it, but I think people are just being rude if they openly say they don’t like it, and whatever name you pick you’ll get people who don’t like it! Do you think it could be that when people say it’s unusual that is actually what they mean (although I know a couple of young Esmes, so it is growing in popularity) and you’re worrying that it’s them saying they don’t like it because you really don’t like it?

MamaDane · 29/11/2018 07:31

I think, and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, that it's a little late to change it and that it's a selfish thing to do at this point.

Esme is a lovely name and people will always have opinions on names, whether it's Olivia "too popular" or it's Chanel "too tacky", or it's that X is too posh or Z too strange or Y too much of an old lady's name.

If you change her name to Alice, it will still cause reactions from some people.

coolwalking · 29/11/2018 07:33

I go by my middle name. First name is a 'classic' but my parents thought my middle name suited me more. Middle name is very uncommon but is definitely a name!

It's not a big deal. I can honestly say it has never impacted on my life in a bad way. Most people laugh when they hear my real name as they think I am perfectly suited for my middle name.

Original poster
Jessica011 · 29/11/2018 08:30

I think when people say unusual, my own insecurities do creep in.
We live in a small area and ive never met another Esme.
I feel so embarrassed now when someone asks her name. I hate how I feel.

My other daughter is called Grace and we constantly get comments about how beautiful the name is and that makes me feel so guilty for my other daughter. I think Alice is so lovely.

We call her Esme Alice and she knows Alice is her name too but my husband is really upset about losing the name esme. I just don't know what to do x

OP posts:
YoumeandlittleP · 29/11/2018 08:34

Esme is an amazing name! It's not unusual in the way you perceive it, honestly. I am a teacher and I wouldn't bat an eye at this name, in fact I would think it's a beautiful name for a girl! Much prefer it to Alice too.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/11/2018 08:34

Esme is a perfectly nice normal name, I was expecting something silly. The people around you sound a bit ignorant.

I second that going by a middle name will be difficult with medical records. Seen a lot of cock ups due to that, eg. someone coming to A&E, using the name they go by and no one being able to find notes or record of them because it's all under their actual first name.

Morganj28 · 29/11/2018 08:52

I think Esme is a beautiful name. Much prefer it to Alice.

This coming from a girl who has both a male first name and male last name - Morgan James.

And spent my life correcting substitute teachers who would call me James Morgan when reading the register.

I had it just yesterday someone rung asking for myself and were genuinely baffled when I said it was me. They expected me to me a man.

Winterwonderland12 · 29/11/2018 08:54

Age 2 is definitely too old. It wouldn't be fair on your dd!

Original poster
Jessica011 · 29/11/2018 09:17

What are the Esme's like you teach?

I'm worried she will be the only one in her class where we love ( Shropshire area) and grace will know others with her name.

Thank you all for the compliments, it means a lot to me xx

OP posts:
rootsandbranches · 29/11/2018 09:19

I think it's too late to change and unfair on your husband. I actually have an Alice and loved Grace for my next daughter but felt they were too similar so gave her Grace as a second name. She has a lovely friendly name a bit like Esme not as classic as Alice but I don't think names of siblings have to match style.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 29/11/2018 09:22

I think you need to address your insecurities, not the name.
Esme is a perfectly normal lovely name.
You need to back yourself and be confident or it will rub off on your daughter.

GinUnicorn · 29/11/2018 09:22

Personally I think it’s beautiful. As you feel unhappy perhaps there is a compromise? Is there a nickname you could use for her OP? Perhaps having something special that just you used would help? It might be hard for your 2 year old to adjust now and a shame for your DP. How would you feel about Emmy?

rootsandbranches · 29/11/2018 09:22

Incidently though because I love Grace I often call her by both or just Grace and she answers to both names . It's as though in the family she has two interchangeable names. So may be Esme Alice could be the same. I never call Alice by her middle name, it's a family name.

Original poster
Jessica011 · 29/11/2018 09:33

I've never heard a negative comment about Grace.

But as for Esme, people just say to be unusual, or not heard that before, or is it ezmay or Esmee, or that was my great grandmas name! Nothing nice and it hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad for my little girl especially up against grace as a name xx

OP posts:
Morganj28 · 29/11/2018 09:46

@jessica011 I wouldn’t say any of those comments are said to be hurtful/spiteful or that they don’t like the name.

I think people will always comment on an unusual name.

Sidandbump · 29/11/2018 09:47

I've taught Esme's that were Es-may or Es-mee. I think thats just a preference but they always knew who I meant if I muddled it up. They have always been confident, happy girls.
There were over 1000 Esme's born in the UK last year and there has been a steady rise over the last 10 years. Unless she never leaves the area in her lifetime I am sure she will come across others.
As for the being the only one in her class- perfect! From experience of having classes with multiple children with the same name they do anything to be an individual and she will likely be happier being a single Esme than one of 3 Alice's.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/11/2018 09:52

Using a middle name as usename isn't uncommon, especially where names run in families and a child will be called by middle name to avoid confusion.

If you just start calling her Alice people will adapt quickly. However I can't see why people are pulling faces at Esme which is a perfectly normal name.

Swipe left for the next trending thread