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Original poster

Would you not use a middle name to please your partner?

72 replies

ArchieandLouise · 04/09/2017 00:14

Hi,

My partner has diagnosed OCD. There are various things in life that cause an issue. He is perfectly fine though, has a good job, functions fine, etc.

We are expected our first DC and I'd love for him to have the middle name George. It has very strong connections with my family tree. Plus, my dad passed when we were TTC and it was his name (along with his dad's middle name, etc.)

DP says we really can't give him a middle name because it will stress him out. He gets quite upset at the thought because he knows it will really affect him.

Would you go with no middle name?

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Ummmmgogo · 04/09/2017 00:17

never. i always feel sorry for people with no middle name. I think children need a minimum of 2 middle names.

however I have met lots of people with no middle name who think my view on this is fucking ridiculous, so it will be fine either way.

Original poster
ArchieandLouise · 04/09/2017 00:20

What would you do? It's really hard because of how he feels about it.

OP posts:
KoolKoala07 · 04/09/2017 00:20

I'm and OCD sufferer (diagnosed) and i can completely relate to the stress your husband is/would feel. Having said that by not giving your dc a middle name he is allowing the OCD to win. I realise it's so hard to fight it but I think you should have the middle because it's what you want and it's not giving into the OCD aswell which can only be a good thing.

Ummmmgogo · 04/09/2017 00:27

I would give him the middle name. this is in your dad's memory, it's completely unreasonable for him to say anything about his stress when you are pregnant and grieving.

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

zen1 · 04/09/2017 00:45

The thing is, not giving your DC a middle name is one thing, but how many other things will you want / need to do in life that you feel you can't do because his OCD is stopping you? It will then be impacting on your life as well as his. I was diagnosed with OCD a long time ago (getting on for 20 yrs) and although it doesn't affect me day to day too much, there are some things that worry me if I don't feel they are done 'right', but I know that, as much as I want to, I can't ask the rest of my family not to do things differently just so I don't get stressed.

Sorry, went off on a tangent there! Anyway, I think you should give your DC the middle name in honour of your dad. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancySmile

Original poster
ArchieandLouise · 04/09/2017 00:47

The thing is, he wouldn't be mad if I said I really want to. He's never moan about it. His mental health would just deteriorate... If hate for that to affect the bond he has with his son.

He had 12 weeks of CBT and they can't offer anymore.

I feel like doing something to purposely make him worse is really evil!?

Thank you for the replies

OP posts:
AuditAngel · 04/09/2017 00:52

All 3 of our DC have 2 names.

DS we were settled on names. With DD1 we were down to a shortlist of 3 (obdurate of which is a middle name of mine), DH and DD1 were taken out of theatre during my CS as they were concerned, DH was asked for names and took my middle name from the shortlist, with the agreed first name.

Fir DD2, we were fully agreed on boys names but again, had not settled on a mddle name. She was always going to be our last child, especially as a result of complications leading yo 6 admissions during pregnancy, I confess that when asked for her name we gave the agreed upon first name and I gave the very much joy agreed upon second name. Hard yo argue in the middle of a CS after 6 weeks in hospital!

yorkshireyummymummy · 04/09/2017 01:02

Why would it affect his OCD. ?? Is it because your child would have an odd number of names?

Original poster
ArchieandLouise · 04/09/2017 01:03

No @yorkshireyummymummy his is quite in depth and isn't as cut and dry as something like that

OP posts:
Lweji · 04/09/2017 01:08

I'd rather ask why would you insist on a middle name if it negatively affected your partner, the father of the child?

RainbowsAndUnicorns23 · 04/09/2017 01:32

Is it the name or the having a middle name? I personally wouldn't as i know just how he feels. Yes the illness shouldn't affect others nor should OCD 'win' however as this, as you say could affect his bond with his son, i would come to another decision.. did your dad have a middle name you could use?

SuperBeagle · 04/09/2017 02:04

Can you use George as a first name instead?

I have OCD (things like this don't affect me, nor do the stereotypical OCD things), and I would grow to resent someone if they intentionally did things that they knew set off my OCD.

Ttbb · 04/09/2017 02:05

I don't have a middle name, never made any difference to me-not really a thing where I am from, lots of people don't have them. Can't you give him George for a first name?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/09/2017 07:50

May I ask kindly, what is it about the middle name, that would make him I'll ?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/09/2017 07:50

*ill

AdalindSchade · 04/09/2017 07:53

I didn't give my kid a middle name because his dad really didn't want one. I can tell you nearly 10 years later I never give it a second thought. Middle names are pretty irrelevant.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 04/09/2017 07:54

Distillate want to give your child a middle name and would continue to talk to your H about it, until the baby is born.

I'd want to know why it stresses him out. And wouldn't settle for "It just does"

WooWooSister · 04/09/2017 07:55

I don't understand why this is a question. Of course you don't give your DC a middle name if it will exacerbate your DP's distress.
If you want to honour your DF, can you use his name as the first name?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 04/09/2017 07:55

Ada they aren't "pretty irrelevant" fir many people.

My DDs' middle names mean a huge amount to me and DH and I would hate it if they didn't have them

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 04/09/2017 07:56

Distillate *I would still

ShatnersBassoon · 04/09/2017 07:58

I agreed to the world's most boring and pointless middle name for our eldest to make my husband happy. I would have chosen no middle name over this, but it didn't really matter or affect anyone so I went with it.

A middle name is such an unimportant thing, I think it's easy to compromise on it. Use George as the first and only given name.

GriswaldFamilyVacation · 04/09/2017 07:59

I'm a bit confused about how it would affect him.

He has a middle name right?

You have a middle name right?

He isn't thinking about to the hose all the time

MrsJayy · 04/09/2017 08:00

Just call him George ? I think if this is really going to affect him then i couldn't do it. I dont think children need middle names i don't have a middle name

AccrualIntentions · 04/09/2017 08:02

If you want to use that name in particular I think it's a real shame for you to feel you can't. Would it be a first name option at all?

That said, middle names aren't important. I never use mine and don't know what most of my friends' are, or if they even have them. And unless you're a member of the royal family I really think 2 or more middle names is excessive...my nephew has 3, it's just daft at that point.

MrsJayy · 04/09/2017 08:03

One of my dds has 2 middle names instantly regretted it as soon as i saw the length of her name that goes on ALL school letters reports blah de blah

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